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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  The Cleaner (10 Pages) Moderators: bert
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scrawlx101
Posted: May 28th, 2022, 7:43am Report to Moderator
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Logline: An aspiring art collector is pulled into a hostage situation at the behest of a charismatic freedom fighter.

Script Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aPvG4Bu-7W2gjZlN6Lnd65M4Gs3jw53r/view?usp=sharing

Would it be possible to receive feedback on what I have written? Any advice on the following would be great:

Do I have a clear focus? Could I be clearer in regards to the character wants/needs?

How can I make my writing more fluid? At the moment , this is one of my biggest struggles.

I am on a 0 budget , what are some ways I can depict a fight scene? I feel like my story has lost something by not having the physical stakes raised but I am struggling to work my way around this as I don't have money for a prop gun for instance or prop knife?

So any ideas on how to solve this issue would be great.

I understand my grammar isn't the greatest but I will be trying use Grammarly and print out the script and read it out loud to try iron out those kinks.

Thank you for taking the time to read the script.
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LC
Posted: May 29th, 2022, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
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What do you mean by 'having no budget'?
Are you planning on filming this yourself?

I commented on your other WIP - The Truth Will Set You Free, but got no response from you.

FYI: The more you partake on the boards, read other's material, and offer feedback, the more you'll get back in return. I mean this in a polite way, btw. Everyone learns a lot by doing this as well.  


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