Hey all

Another one I'm returning to finish after a few months.

It's the first 2 acts of a comedy pilot that I've lost any accurate self-assessment of. It's often not funny but then alternates to way too cartoony kind of joke style.

The logline is - "Entirely platonic best friends find their toxic and co-dependent relationship is tested when they have ironic, drunken sex and conceive a child."

LINK to first 2 acts: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ho04umwcc74ijos/codependents.pdf?dl=0

Any thoughts - first impressions etc - are helpful.

I made it to act 2 but it's just not my kind of humor.

It starts with a couple of 14-year-olds engaging in awkward fellatio, crude language that doesn't add to the story, and then continues being awkward when they're older.

There were a few moments in the bar that had promise where Hera was talking about her co-workers right in front of them, but it ultimately fell flat to me.

I like that Hera can get a drink ordered instantly by flipping her hair. That rings true to the bar life.

But then when Hera and Hugo walk and talk it loses any steam it had because their conversation doesn't keep me engaged.

The Theo/Xander sex scene is too similar to the beginning of Bridesmaids for it to have any punch.

And Hugo having a seizure could have been funnier if Hera tells the paramedic that she'll see Hugo at work on Monday...

Cut to Hera standing over a casket being lowered into the ground.
All the other co-workers glare at Hera because it's her fault that Hugo is dead.
Theo stands next to her for support and then they talk about moving in together.

This is just my 2 cents, so take it with a grain of salt.

-Jordan

Thanks Jordan. I essentially agree with you here.

I did have a scene that subtly confirmed Hugo’s death later (Hera would be at work and in the background, his office desk is covered in “RIP Hugo” things) but I couldn’t think of a reason for her to be there.

Thanks again