No probs.

I didn’t go through all of the next 12 pages, but I figured Bryce was “our guy.” Understanding this is just a first draft, I think you could delete the scene at the car rental shop. Everything that’s explained there can be brought up when she gets the ticket, then gets stuck. Speaking of the ticket, the meet cute can be a whole lot cuter. There should be some playful back and forth here, and a sort of inquisitive attraction between the two that I don’t think is coming across as it is.

Just a note, suggestion — I’d consider having her get a flat tire as she’s getting pulled over, then have him give her the ticket anyway for speeding. Let’s just say there’s a lot of opportunity for some playful back and forth you should explore here.

We definitely don’t want to dislike Avery off the bat, but her talking about all the dog waste, getting frustrated at the rental counter and having an attitude with Bryce doesn’t endear us to her the way it should. It kind of has her coming off arrogant, and a little is okay, but we don’t want too much of that.

And that meet cute, as I mentioned earlier, should be right around page ten, so there’s a lot of restructuring you’ll have to do to get this up to snuff! Till then, keep writing and figuring out where u want to go.

Steve

Thank you Steve for your input.  I appreciate your time in reading over my "work in progress" - and that certainly is what it is!  I'm sure I will revise several times before it all works for me and will keep your suggestions in mind.