Hey.

This is a PDF of the first act of a rough draft (the draft is complete but the last two acts are way too rough).

I guess what I’m wondering about is the pace? The main character is crazily passive, which is kind of the point, but I worry that he’s just going place to place with no agency.

Again, I’m trying to demonstrate the grooming process so the slow escalation of stakes is on purpose, but I would love suggestions on how I could give the script more of a hook here without sacrificing that.

Anything else is welcome. Tone is also something im worried about.

Logline (rough): When his mother dies suddenly and he is left orphaned, a seventeen year boy is taken in by an older man who grooms him into performing in gay porn. With no resources or allies, the boy must escape the pornographer’s clutches and exact revenge.

LINK: https://www.dropbox.com/s/vqib.....20Branch%29.pdf?dl=0

Ben,

Read the first ten. Pretty dark stuff you have here, but as I read on it’s riveting actually. Made me want to read more. Nice work!

Steve

Great! Thanks Steve. I tried to lighten it a bit with some quips

Yeah. Def off to a good start, imo

Read the rest. I think Tucker might need a little more convincing to go with Hannigan. Seems like it’s minimal, and I know Tucker is desperate, but I feel you might need a little more convincing there.

Then they’re taking pictures of Tucker and he seems to be pretty much just going along with it. Maybe he needs a little more plying to be doing that? Drugs, alcohol? Or maybe, again, a little more convincing. Money? These guys are like chicken hawks and their work seems to be too easy.

That’s it, but it’s well written for sure and clear and concise. Some good writing on display here.

Thanks Steve! I agree - I didnt want to get bogged down in the specifics but there needs to be more motivation there.