SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 19th, 2019, 8:38am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
Final Standings

Round Five (5) Standings Posted




Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Music Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Music  (currently 801 views)
Don
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 6:47am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13139
Posts Per Day
1.95
The Music by Daniel Robinson - Short, Drama - When Dan wants to battle Eminem he get's a taste of how hard it is. But when he finds out it was just a dream his friend reggie has one hell of a surprise for him. 6 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Parker
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 11:28am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Yes

Location
England
Posts
322
Posts Per Day
0.07
Okay, yet another short but this one seems odd. Dan, is this one about you? Is this, maybe, one of your fantasies???

SPOILERS!!!

Still, it's just a rap battle. In the end, like a few of your scripts, it's just a dream in the end. A funny ending sort of. To me it seems this one's something you actually had a dream about and just wrote it down. That's where I get most of my ideas from anyway so... it's all good.

Anyhoo, hope you had fun writing this and tell me if this is actually about you or a dream you had of you... or is it just something you wanted to write about?

GBM


I may be an idiot, but I'm no idiot.
Logged
Private Message Windows Live Messenger Reply: 1 - 7
James Fields
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 11:51am Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Seattle
Posts
164
Posts Per Day
0.03
Daniel, before I review your script. I think you need to realize what's going on with most of your scripts. You are putting on too many things at one time, bro. At least two a week. You need to slow the flow.

Anyways, despite what I said above. I still really enjoyed your script, but do you always have endings that seem like dreams? Just curious.

Grammar and spelling was excellent, no errors whatsoever. The story was, well, expected that he'd go somewhere to rap, but I never thought Eminem would show up. I thought he was just interested in his stuff.

The characters were cool, I could picture them all. Just like I could see a movie playing in my mind as I read every line of your script.

Great job, Daniel.

I really did like this one. Better than Area 51, or the Clown. I look forward to the next time scripts are... Oh, you have another one out! I'll go review it for you.

-James


Coming Soon:

I finally found the title for my short.

Acronym- You've been warned...

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 7
Helio
Posted: July 21st, 2006, 2:10pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

Posts
1335
Posts Per Day
0.26
Wow, Daniel! 4 in a one go!  

Gosh, I will have to do more than making love and drinking morritos in this weekend!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 7
Daniel_Robinson
Posted: July 22nd, 2006, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


The story comes from your mind. So have fun!

Location
Some where upstate New York
Posts
71
Posts Per Day
0.01
LOL James.

Thanks for the good reviews.  I'll keep my submissions down to a couple a week or so.

Dan


Gotta keep writing!

Writer of:  

"The Video Game" Post Production

"House of Curse",

"The Secrect Door",  Production

"Twisted",  Post Production

"The Shadows",

"Octagon"  Post Production

"Die Cut",

"Judgement Area 51",

"Colon and His Clone"  !Produced!

and more, run my name in search.

e-mail me:
stupifided2002@yahoo.com

Cool site I make games for:
http://www.rottenzombie.com/boards/index.php
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 7
Shelton
Posted: July 22nd, 2006, 10:00pm Report to Moderator
Moderator



Location
Chicago
Posts
3612
Posts Per Day
0.72
Can't say I'm huge on the story here, but that's just me not caring for the subject matter.  I suppose if you're into that sort of thing it's ok.

I must say that at least this doesn't have as many spelling and grammar errors as other stuff (James says there were none, but he apparently missed them) so nice job there.

Page 1

pieceings - piercings

Dan - I'm just working on my lines....Needs a ?

masteeck?  This is freestyle rap so I really don't know, but I'm assuming that should be "mystique", which is spelled correctly and also rhymes with speak.  Also, right after that It's is capitalized.  It shouldn't be.

Page 2

Dan - You think the'll let me?  They'll

Dan - I don't know if their (should be thery're) gonna let me do this after all my name is just Dan.

I can see you're trying to foreshadow what's coming, but that is a horribly on the nose piece of dialogue.  Also, it's technically two sentences.  Put a (.) after this and start the second sentence with After.

He breathes into his hands.  Is it cold in there?  Is he checking for yuckmouth?

Page 3

Reggie ... if you mess up ypour...

Dan's supposed to go in in about 15 minutes, but the DJ steps up and asks "Can I have your attention for a minute?" which needs a ? by the way, about 10 seconds later.

New Yorks own.  York's....possessive.

Your up.  "You're"

Page 4

Lose your self.  yourself - one word, and capitalize Eminem.

The continue to cheer.  They.

i'm holding the torch.  I'm

Also, why is Eminem just coming in and saying do you want to battle out of the blue?  I think Dan should be the one issuing the challenge, since that is HIS goal, and I doubt Eminem is going to even acknowledge someone on a stage basically doing a karaoke act of his music.

ich - itch.

definitly - definitely

Page 5

, But look at you.  Don't capitalize but.

some one - someone - one word

Page 6

out side - outside - also one word

If you were really ever to meet Dr. Dre, would you say "How do you do?" to him?  I'd imagine he'd commence to pimpslappin' somebody with a greeting like that.

Ok, I'm done, and like I said there's not as many as in your other stuff, but for being only six pages it's still quite a bit, and I know Word or any other spell check program would have caught a lot of these.

Anyway, better.  Keep on pluggin'.







Shelton's Website

Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM Reply: 5 - 7
James Fields
Posted: July 22nd, 2006, 10:03pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Seattle
Posts
164
Posts Per Day
0.03
Alright, there were 1 or 2 spelling errors. My bad, I didn't catch them, because I was basically fixated on story.

Thanks for catching my mistake.


Coming Soon:

I finally found the title for my short.

Acronym- You've been warned...

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 7
Daniel_Robinson
Posted: July 22nd, 2006, 10:07pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


The story comes from your mind. So have fun!

Location
Some where upstate New York
Posts
71
Posts Per Day
0.01
Hey Mike,

Alot better.  Thank you for the feedback on this script.

Hey James,

Glad you liked it.

Dan


Gotta keep writing!

Writer of:  

"The Video Game" Post Production

"House of Curse",

"The Secrect Door",  Production

"Twisted",  Post Production

"The Shadows",

"Octagon"  Post Production

"Die Cut",

"Judgement Area 51",

"Colon and His Clone"  !Produced!

and more, run my name in search.

e-mail me:
stupifided2002@yahoo.com

Cool site I make games for:
http://www.rottenzombie.com/boards/index.php
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 7
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006