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The Rules of Man: Men and Bathrooms by Chris Landa - Short, Comedy - Steven confronts a drunk and chatty boss at the urinal. Will he talk? Will he obey the third rule of man: Thou Shalt not talk in the bathroom? 3 pages
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
Posted: November 5th, 2008, 7:43pm
Both these scripts read like the opening segments of a sitcom. They were just snippets of a bigger story and don't really hold their own.
The first one really didn't make much sense. The logline reminded me of the bathroom scene in Along Came Polly with Ben Stiller and Alec Baldwin. Your script was just a couple of non-sequitors that ended in the bathroom.
The second script was just so rushed that there was no time to think about it while reading it.
Is there a reason why you're keeping these scripts so short? Fleshing them out would really help.
First line of the script threw me for a loop, which set the tone for the rest of the story "Steve once again wakes up..." - did he wake up a first time? How would we know this?
I don't know, just really confusing... what's the point of your story? I don't feel like the scene was set to begin with, and kind of felt out of sorts from there as we jumped around to different places and times.