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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Arctic Tundra Troubles Moderators: bert
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  Author    Arctic Tundra Troubles  (currently 1121 views)
Don
Posted: April 25th, 2009, 7:30am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Arctic Tundra Troubles by Alex J. Cooper - Short - Three strange men stuck in a cave out in the arctic tundra. Much fun and craziness to be had! 8 pages - pdf, format


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dogglebe
Posted: April 25th, 2009, 10:23am Report to Moderator
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I'm not sure what to make of this piece, Alex.  It was cute, and I found more than one funny thing in it...but WTF?

Did you have any direction that you wanted to go with this?  It just went on and on without going anywhere.  The story didn't build and nothing was resolved.  Am I missing something?


Phil
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rich wells
Posted: April 25th, 2009, 11:03am Report to Moderator
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I agree with Dogleebe precisely. Cute, but it needs to go somewhere. A story usually involves some movement from point A to point B... resolution of some question, issue or condition. I give you credit for good format and execution. Keep on writing. (BTW, there are no penguins in the Arctic).
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stevie
Posted: April 25th, 2009, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Alex. Yeah, I have to admit i was puzzled after reading this. I mean, i could grasp what the overall feel was, but it came out a bit off cue. There was a touch of Monty Python in there, perhaps their lifeboat cannibalism sketch?
There were funny moments and it has potential but a good re-write is needed. Agrree with Rich - the formatting is good just needs to re-thought a bit. cheers mate and i hope you're over Friday night! Man, I could'nt believe we would win that easy. I was seriously worried about this game. We are in white hot form...


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Alex J. Cooper
Posted: April 25th, 2009, 10:04pm Report to Moderator
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Cheers for the reads, Yeah i had no particular narrative direction in mind when i was writing this, it was just sposed to be a funny skit. I pretty much made it up as I went a long. I wouldn't mind rewriting it and giving it a little structure.


Quoted from rich wells
(BTW, there are no penguins in the Arctic).


Yeah i didn't spend to much time looking at the habitat of the arctic tundra, I just liked the word. I figured snow = penguins.

Cheers again for the reads, I'll get out in to the shorts and review a few of the others.


Quoted from stevie
Man, I could'nt believe we would win that easy. I was seriously worried about this game. We are in white hot form...


Yeah thats the worst game i've seen yet. We've got a showdown next week so lets hope we get our form back.



Shorts:
I Named Him Thor
Footloose, Cut Loose
Tainted Milk
Marshmallows
Confucius & The Quest For Nessie
Wondrous Presentation
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jayrex
Posted: April 26th, 2009, 4:19pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Dude, where's my penguin?

Gave this a read Alex and I have no idea where it was going.

As a skit I think you'll have to up it a few notches.

There's also quite a few errors in there.

Overall, not sure if I got the point.  Not my cup of coffee.

Here's clip from my favourite Arctic Tundra scene.



All the best with any potential rewrites.


Javier


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tonkatough
Posted: May 1st, 2009, 2:35am Report to Moderator
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Good to see you back on SS again Alex. Long time since I've exchanged scripts with you.

A little bit of nonsense is good for the soul and by cripes this was absurdity times ten.

I  disagree with above comment that this was pointless. I thought it had a great build up of Billy and wally trying to decide on what to do with Luey when he return to cave. Nice build up to a punch line excpet there was no punch line and nothing happened which makes your story anti-climatic and bit of a fizzer.

I did like how Luey criticise idea of penguin trap which set the plot in motion and then near the end it is the same penguin trap that saves everyones life and gets Luey back to the cave. good stuff


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