Here's a game we can all play that might teach us a thing or two about pitching.  We take a well known movie and write a pitch for it.  Then everyone can give us feedback on how well the pitch worked.

Why a well known movie?  Because people have seen it and can tell if your pitch is showing them the potential of what they have seen.   We are taking the story out of the equation and focusing on the pitch.  Did you sell this person on the movie?

So, someone take the first pitch or if no one steps forward then I'll do it - you'll just have to wait till I have enough free time.  But after that pitch is made then we can all comment on how effective it was. We may even be able to tell the author how they can improve it.  We are all on the same page here because we've all seen the movie (or hopefully at least most of us have).  

After the comments die down, someone else can make a pitch and we can keep this thread going.   I think we'll really learn something from doing this.  

Ok. Here's the first pitch.  It's rushed so be gentle.

STAR WARS

Screenplay by George Lucas

Genre: Science Fiction Page count: 90

Budget: 5M and up

Coverage: yes 

Logline: A young orphan leaves his home planet, teams up with other rebels, and tries to save a princess from the evil clutches of a tyranical dark knight.  

Synopsis: A rebel ship is boarded by the tyranical Darth Vader who proceeds to kidnap Princess Leia but not before she sends off a secret message with her two mechanical droids.  

Luke Skywalker lives in the outback of a desert planet with his aunt and uncle.  He dreams of life far away from the farm.  He very soon gets his wish when he chances upon the Princess' two droids and her secret message.

The message sends him to find the hermit Ben Kenobi, who is actually Obi-Wan Kenobi a famous Jedi knight.  Luke and Ben set off to find a ship in order to rescue the princess.

They find that ship captained by Hans Solo, a shady smuggler, and his big hairy first mate Chewbacca.
      
Their first stop, the Princess' home planet and rebel base to get reinforcement.  On the way, Luke is trained in the Jedi arts, using the Force, by Obi-Wan.

When they arrive at the Princess' planet they discover it has been destroyed by the Death Star.  A huge moon sized space ship which they are being drawn into by a tractor beam.

Once inside, despite great danger from the storm troopers, they are able rescue the Princess.  However, as they try to escape. Obi-Wan becomes one with the Force when he is killed by Darth Vader.

But the four others are able to escape.  They go to another rebel base where a plan is formed to rid space of the Death Star.   Luke will need to use all he has learned to help them achieve their goal.  

It's a bit like Flash Gordon meets Arabian Nights meets the technology of 2001: A Space Oddesy.

Well, if no one want to play with me then I'll just have to play with myself.  It perfectly natural.

I did learn from this though.  Taking Star Wars and having to condese it down into a synopsis was very tough.  There's a big question of whether or not to include things.  I tried to put myself in Lucas' shoes and I had to wonder if he had any idea that those droids were going to be so popular.  Would he have played that angle?  And that's why I didn't push them much because I didn't think he would have.

I also don't think I pushed enough.  While I gave a good plot synopsis, I don't really think I did much to engage the reader.  I think I probably need to make it more exciting somehow.

I also didn't do very well with my pitch end line.  It was tough to think of what movies would have been around then.  I'm pretty sure about the Flash Gordon part but not about the other two.