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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Bad Situations Moderators: bert
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 Pages: 1
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  Author    Bad Situations  (currently 1123 views)
Don
Posted: July 18th, 2015, 7:06pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bad Situations by Leon Gaitanis - Short - {no logline} 4 pages - pdf, format



Bad Situations by Leon Gaitanis - Short, Drama - After a tragic accident, an architect and a call girl, steal $500,000, and elude the pimp they stole from… 35 pages - pdf, format



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 21st, 2015, 10:15pm
added shorter short
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cloroxmartini
Posted: July 19th, 2015, 11:39am Report to Moderator
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EXT.OFFICE BUILDING LATE IN THE DAY
We open on the forth floor window of an Architectural firm.
Through the window we see JACK (Approx. 40 years old
Drafter) working away on the company’s computer, developing
construction plans for homes in the outer suburbs of a
modern city.

BACKGROUND OF JACK IN WORKFORCE - CAN BE IGNORED
As usual JACK is behind in his work, tired and worried that
his fellow employees will notice the mistakes in his work.
He is also quite a slow worker as JACK has never seen the
computer as his friend, but more of an enemy

This is why I won't read further. You've written a whole lot just to say:

INT. ARCHITECT'S OFFICE - DAY

JACK, 40, a drafter trying to make partner for the last 20 years, slaves away at his computer.

Ask yourself why you wrote all that other stuff...stuff is a nice word. Really, ask. Then answer that question and post your response. I won't judge you, I want to know.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: July 19th, 2015, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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35 page short is tough to get into. I'm guessing 30 of the 35 are overwritten as per above.
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