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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2016 OWC  ›  The Future Quiz - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    The Future Quiz - OWC  (currently 2317 views)
Don
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 12:08am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Future Quiz by Chris Beadnell - Short, Mystery - Three strangers have a chance to win one million dollars each if they can correctly answer just one question. Their future depends on it. - pdf, format


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Don  -  March 12th, 2016, 7:38pm
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oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 2:28am Report to Moderator
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*Spoilers*

The time travel concept was interesting, but its only purpose was to prove the validity of Happenstance rather than serve as the crux to the three contestants. Their fates should be tied to the questions. Bonus points if it all links to the 70s. Also, their deaths only verify Happenstance was telling the truth. It's a loose-end situation.

Formatting is cluttered, slugs are inconsistent. The "letters of payment" were clear, though I don't really think they'd translate well onto film, maybe Happenstance can speak the rules himself.

This had a "Would You Rather" vibe going on. Brett and Sven seemed to give up too soon. Karate moves were funny to me, I thought of Mac from "Always Sunny". I would dig this entry more if the Future Quiz synchronized with the players, not the host. Not bad.

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Angry Bear
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 8:05am Report to Moderator
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I get what you were trying to do here, but logically, I don't buy the story. I thought the contestants reactions were over the top. Why get so mad and why crying? It seemed to me that none of them even tried to answer the questions. Questions which btw, didn't seem that bizarre. iChip is definitely something I would have tried to guess something for.

I also didn't really get what Happenstance got out of all this. Maybe it's just too early in the morning here.

The writing could use another go over.

Decent idea, but IMHO, motives need to be more clear by all characters.


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pale yellow
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 8:19am Report to Moderator
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Logline is interesting enough here.

But what is Future Quiz? Is that a board game? I've never heard of that one but I'm not a huge game fan.

I am a bit confused because they go there for a chance to win a million but then they think the man is a psycho killer? It isn't clear to me how they go from point A to point B.

On page 8 you have Sven storming down a hallway under a slug that says EXT DRIVEWAY. May need another INT slug there or something.

I didn't like Happenstance really nor any of the characters. I love the concept though. Maybe you could focus on one of the characters that really needed the money so we care and want them to win....

Love how you incorporated the Apple stuff and Facebook Good job.


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Stumpzian
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 9:24am Report to Moderator
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Violates a main rule of this OWC -- the game can't be one you made up.

Plus, klutzy formatting/pacing/characterization kept me from enjoying the premise.



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oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 9:39am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Stumpzian
Violates a main rule of this OWC -- the game can't be one you made up.


I thought the same at first, but maybe it's in bounds because it's a quiz. Still too early to tell, but I think we'll see more entries that reimagine different games.

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StevenClark
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Not a bad job here. As Johnny mentioned, perhaps a violation of the rules but maybe not that big of a deal. My main issue here is, while the story is told well, then ending kinda leaves more to be desired. Am I to believe that the three participants in the quiz died in the landslide? Maybe that's not what you were going for. I'm not sure and that's my problem. A nice effort, but just not for me.

Steve


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irish eyes
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 1:31pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Don't recall ever playing this on a Friday night


Dam security! He linked to her Bank account !

Don't know why 'Later' is all the way to the right.

Sven shrugs his shoulders.... Sven shrugs.   keep it simple

We never got to see Penny's answer... It all seemed kind of pointless and who would Happenstance be? Does he work for apple?

Sorry this was little confusing,  but great job on entering the OWC


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Hunter
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 2:05pm Report to Moderator
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I loved this one! Very interesting, and I was totally into it the whole way through. I do have a couple of notes though.

On page 2 you say they are in a discussion. Instead of saying that, give them a couple of lines.

I wished I had seen their answers to the questions. Also, it seems surprising that neither one said the Apple store for the second question, which would have been a correct answer, according to the rules.

I also wish that we knew why each of these people decided to participate. Most people would be very cautious and stay away.


I would love feedback on any of these!
Back to Class: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1453330945/ (comedy series, RECENTLY UPDATED DEC. '16)
Cause & Effect: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1472594865/ (comedy-drama series)
Waking Up: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1452376264/ (comedy series)
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eldave1
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 3:39pm Report to Moderator
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A DQ for me - it is a made up game.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Dustin
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
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Action speaks louder...

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Haven't read it, but I think perhaps calling it 20 Questions or something may have qualified it.

The game has to be a real game. Even I-Spy would count as far as I understood the rules. It has to be a game we all recognise, or, in the case of an obscure game, one that shows up on a web search.

I'll come back to this one later.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 3:59pm Report to Moderator
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My thoughts are just mine own. disregard as needed.

The formatting looks er, a little quirky in places, different formats for slugs, some indented etc... and do we really need so much BOLD?

I think the reaction of Brett and Sven to the slide is a little OTT, yes it's a little weird to ask about the future, but they all replied to an anonymous email, jumping up, karate poses etc, didn;t buy it.

I think Sven and Penny would have both got iChip right and should have $1m each

Sorry this one didn't really work for me.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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khamanna
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 4:21pm Report to Moderator
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good idea and I think you should play with it some more.

the question I developped rather early as soon as I started reading it - what's in it for Happenstance. And I can't see why he would do it as I reached the end of it.

The main character seems to be Happenstance. At the same time he's not your main character as I don't see any motivations behind his actions. In fact, I don't know much about your characters. I think you should add some drama to it and make it whole. Connect a person's life to something happening in the future. Right now it's light on the story for me, it's a good idea though worth exploring.
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DaveTroop
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 4:35pm Report to Moderator
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Agreed, DQ due to the rule that the game has to exist before the contest,

That aside, borrows the premise from Would You Rather.

The formatting is hit and miss.
The audience has to read the email off a computer screen?  Might be better to use VO.
Happenstance assures their safety, then they all die in a landslide?  Did Happenstance cause this and how?
Then you include the flashback from 1980 with Happenstance at the same age.  Is he Satan?

Didn't care for any of the contestants.  Didn't feel you gave us any sympathetic characters.
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Abe from LA
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 5:04pm Report to Moderator
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Conceptually, I think this is okay. Didn't much care for the characters. Furthermore, the execution didn't work for me.  The potential here is what kept me in the game. I wish we could have seen the answers given by the contestants. Especially Penny's answer to Galaxius.
One thought: this could have been set as a comedy of klutzes n 1980. I would love to see how they define Facebook and the iPad. Well, maybe love is too strong a word.

Maybe you can reshuffle the story and let the 3 yokels work as a team to get the right answer. That would centralize the conflict some and give us a clue how these people think.
Another thing that crossed my mind was that these contestants are from the near future, and have already been implanted with the iChip. Apple can be big brother. We can see how the iChip crashed and burned. But that's going out there.
Good try, but by story's end, the wheels fell off and felt buried under a landslide of WTFs.
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