Future quiz

I'll cut to the chase, this doesn't work, as written....but there is something here. Really is.

The challenge as I see it, is to make a meaningful link between those in the current day and what they can guess etc

If someone can time travel why do they need those in the present? If they can't travel, how do they know the terms?

But what if some once can see glimpses of the future and what they need is the other side, the other yang to their yin,  that sees the other half of the glimpse. Are they out there? Actually, a rather good idea.

If you can get a good idea out if an OWC, what else do you want?

All the best

I think it's a terrific premise for a story. I did find Happenstance's dialogue a little tedious after a while but having said that there is clear and different dialogue for all characters, so that's a good thing, and he's meant to be an objectionable kind of character to, so...

Did you misunderstand the OWC brief? You'd get points definitely it was a game we had to create. Sadly that wasn't it.

Overall, it's enjoyable but one thing I didn't get was Happenstance's motivation. Was he just a nut case getting off on manipulating people? I looked back to see if this is listed as SciFi which might explain the mysterious deaths of the unsuccessful contestants but the genre is Mystery.

Hmm, you should consider developing this as it's a good idea, and on screen it would work well.

I did think I had the writer of this one pegged, but now I'm not so sure.

P.S. I forgot to add: What is the significance of April 16??
September 11 is obvious.
Seems I'd get the chop for not knowing.

Yeah, sorry but it didn't work for me either.

It was semi-clever.  Were they behind the fatality or was that "happenstance"  (see what I did there)??

It was hard to read, hard to follow, and the characters weren't interesting...

sorry

And I don't know the game at all.
4/10 (low score for the lack of a game, the reason for the OWC)...

A lot of issues going on here, including scene headings that are really messed up.

Aside from the things others have mentioned, the start of the script is a massive problem for me. Having just an email on screen is like the least visual and interesting way you can present the information. Even having the character read it would be better, although best of all would be to cut this altogether. There's enough explanation at the house that it just makes the opening scene redundant.

Too many unanswered questions here and just strains credibility. Sorry, but this didn't work for me.

Clayhorn,

On the first page, the slug tells us we're in a driveway, then looking out a windscreen? Think you missed a slug.

2nd page.. Flamboyant bow should be an action.

This is a pretty decent concept. Could definitely be trimmed and could do with a tidying up, but it kept me reading as I wanted to see what the hell was going on. Ultimately, I'm still left with a few questions that I feel should and could have been answered.

Decent.

Glenn

The story itself was promising. There's a great little thriller/mystery in this story, but the execution is spotty.

On the first page alone, you forget to FADE IN, and the slugs were awkward throughout, about as awkward as rap on a country radio station.

I don't know whether you made the game up, but my guess was that it was a variation of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, 20 Questions, Would You Rather, and/or the MASH/fortune-teller/origami game.



Any of which would have qualified. I'm not really sure this Future Game qualifies, but I forgive you.

The characters could be fleshed out more. There's a right way (The Hunger Games) and a wrong way (Halloween: Resurrection) to approach these types of stories with a large group of characters. It's like they're forgettable characters in some run-of-the-mill horror movie that no one will remember in five years.

7/10

Hmmm... Love, the ending - and I think this one's got the bones and structure to be a darned fun script when it's rewritten.  You can tell that the writer knocked this one out pretty darned fast.

It does feel like it drags on - and can use both tightening and a gloss on punctuation.  But... once it's put through the re-write wringer, it could be a quirky Twilight Zone-esque slam dunk.  (Does it count as family game night?  Not really.)

A few typo notes:

p. 2 - 28 female? Awkward
P 2  - 'are in discussion' -  too passive a description
p. 2 – hair as slick as his personality. Really good line!
P 4 a EXTRA SPACE silver remote

Cheers!

--J (W)

Some notes.

I don't see why you go through the whole first scene.  Have them arrive and keep the audience in a bit of suspense.

And What does the contract stipulation mean?  They won't see the changes because they will die?  HOw will Mr. Happenstance make that happen?  What is in it for him?  

And how would anyone have a clue as to what the future holds?  It's a bad idea.  Might work, though, if one of the participants actually wins the contest, and the prize is...he becomes Mr. Happenstance who is only too glad to drop this gig after a century or two.  

You can explore some different outcomes and make this one more enjoyable.

Best
Richard

The Future Quiz

This reads like a 11p joke with a missing punch line.

I liked the concept and journey, but logical coherence and the fun, I was expecting because of your overall effective build-up, wasn't just  there in ending and resolution. I liked first and second act pretty much; the third was a complete miss from my sight.

C

Thanks for the reads and comments on this one. I take on board the formatting issues and thin plot development and confusing, uninspired ending. I probably did stretch the validity of the Game Night theme, I just thought that a quiz is real thing, not made up,... and the rest of the fanciful stuff appeared.

For me Happenstance was outer worldly, perhaps the devil (I had a wink to that with the $66.24 retainer to the possible contestants.. 6, 6, 2+4). Gets his kicks every 35 years in playing the Future Quiz.

The turn in the script was the questions... 3 questions which today mean nothing but could perhaps be guessable. But Happenstance, maybe immortal, was in the same spot 35 years ago doing the same thing... And those questions are completely obvious to us now. It wasn't time travel, and perhaps I should have written flashback for the scenes in 1980. I made the old man a winner on that night, he's now recruited by HS.

I did write scenes of the questions being attempted but in the end they didn't seem to matter to the story. And they were bring the page count up. No-one in 2015 got a question right so I just cut to when they leave the house.

There was some great feedback received from you guys with this and I will do a re write as it seems there was some positives identified.

Thanks again. I have learnt so much in such a short time.

Not a bad script at all, mate. With a bit of a tidy up and if you clarify a thing or two I'll definitely read again and give my thoughts. That is, of course, if you want to further develop this one.