SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 21st, 2019, 12:09am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
Final Standings

Round Five (5) Standings Posted




Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Catch You On The Flipside Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Catch You On The Flipside  (currently 627 views)
Don
Posted: June 25th, 2016, 11:01am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13139
Posts Per Day
1.95
Catch You On The Flipside (Or: An Adventure In The Negative Dimension) by Luke Mepham  - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A battle between our world and an evil alternate Earth takes place in the apartment of a bickering brother and sister. 19 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Warren
Posted: June 25th, 2016, 5:58pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
2559
Posts Per Day
2.23
I'm sorry but I got to page 5 and stopped.

As someone who gets criticised for over writing, even I can tell this is way, way, way over written. You say absolutely everything that happens.

Dialogue is on the nose in a big way.

Also lots of formatting issues.

There was no scene change when we hoped from one dimension to the next.

This is riddled with problems. You need to take another look at it.

From what I can tell,  there might be a good story here, just need to make it easier to read.


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
RichardR
Posted: June 28th, 2016, 10:06am Report to Moderator
Regular


Posts
922
Posts Per Day
0.53
Luke,

Some notes.

this one needs some work.  I suggest you read a bunch of good scripts and then examine your own.  While your idea might hold water, the execution is lacking.  Think of it this way.  Everything your characters do and say must contribute to the story.  The opening doesn't seem to function along those lines.  Get to the meat of the scene quickly.  Don't throw in fluff to pad the story.  If it's about putting a picture on the wall, make it about that, not the water or the computer.  Look at all your scenes with the intent of cutting.  What can you get rid of, not what you might add.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006