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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  A Car Ride Into The Next Life
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  Author    A Car Ride Into The Next Life  (currently 1993 views)
Don
Posted: March 7th, 2019, 6:27pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A car ride into the next life by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - Suddenly finding himself at the wheel on a car, a young man come to accept his own death if he's going to make it to heaven. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Andrew
Posted: March 9th, 2019, 4:01am Report to Moderator
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This is interesting. Personally, I really like the concept of Bobby in his last moments, coming to terms with what has happened.

But the execution is too short, and too devoid of conflict. If he is going to heaven, as an audience, we need to understand why, what the stakes are, could he have gone to hell, what actually happened, etc.

There are so many ways you can take this interesting concept (and maybe you want something brief), but for me this is best explored with tension between where he goes, and what the stakes are for that decision.


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