Playing Cars by Paul Knauer - Short, Thriller - A dead boy wants to play cars with his mommy. 5 pages - pdf format

production:   1 set (suburban home); low-cost, one-day, 2 cast thriller

Based on the OWC Short Remote Control.

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Readers: I've changed the logline.

It's now: A young boy wants to play cars with his mommy. The only problem? He's dead.

Obviously changes nothing in the script. I just like it a little better.

Thanks,
Paul

Good scene work. Felt like it was part of something bigger, though, like there was more to it and this was just a middle section and possibly an ending. Did you write it with that in mind and decide to just "get to the chase" or was this the beginning, middle and end all in one?

Quoted from Arundel Good scene work. Felt like it was part of something bigger, though, like there was more to it and this was just a middle section and possibly an ending. Did you write it with that in mind and decide to just "get to the chase" or was this the beginning, middle and end all in one?

Thanks for taking a read. Yes, I wanted to tell this very specific part of the story. So, the beginning wasn't part of it. Of course, I wanted to give some indication of the how we got here, but I really didn't care to get into the mud of the other aspects of the story.

And, really, I wanted to leave out the end. So, I think you could argue that this is only the middle. Though, I take us as close to the end as possible without actually including it.

I just re-optioned this script. (It's been optioned more than once...yet to be produced.)

It's now in the hands of a first-time director in the UK. Looking forward to seeing his take on the script.

I'll let everybody know how it goes.

Nice! Congrats, Paul!

Quoted from Zack Nice! Congrats, Paul!

Thanks!

Dear Paul,
great twist. Great subtlety, as I would have been tempted to place a car controller within the small space. All best JtF

Hey Paul,

Awesome!

I read it and thoroughly enjoyed it. To me, it evokes a vibe that feels like a cross between Poltergeist and Stranger Things, but with a deeper, more mature, and sombre undertone at its core.

Personally, I wouldn't have had Justin's voice at the end because I love where the lines between reality and the supernatural stay slightly ambiguous - but it doesn't matter what I like!

Good luck - would love to see this short play out.

Quoted from ColinS Hey Paul, Awesome! I read it and thoroughly enjoyed it. To me, it evokes a vibe that feels like a cross between Poltergeist and Stranger Things, but with a deeper, more mature, and sombre undertone at its core. Personally, I wouldn't have had Justin's voice at the end because I love where the lines between reality and the supernatural stay slightly ambiguous - but it doesn't matter what I like! Good luck - would love to see this short play out.

Thanks, Colin! Appreciate the comments. As for the last line...it's in the director's hands now. If he wants to cut it, it'll be cut.

(I still have not forgotten about MMM. I'm hoping to read it this week. Sorry for the LONG delay.)