SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is January 17th, 2020, 6:08pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration
The January One Week Challenge is on

Scripts due to SimplyScripts.com/OWC



Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  What's Left
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    What's Left  (currently 161 views)
Don
Posted: December 2nd, 2019, 12:27pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13553
Posts Per Day
1.96
What's Left. by Alan-Michael Howells - Short, Drama - In a post-apocalyptic U.S., a teen named Jack ventures from Oregon across the states to New York, in hopes of uniting with his long lost girlfriend. 5 pagesd - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
AMRH
Posted: December 3rd, 2019, 6:46am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Live.

Location
Pennsylvania
Posts
11
Posts Per Day
0.19
It's just the opening pages. I'm trying to set a tone and I'm not sure if I accomplished that yet.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
eldave1
Posted: December 3rd, 2019, 12:12pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
5190
Posts Per Day
2.60
Pretty good, IMO.  - Although several format errors.typos. e.g.,


Quoted Text
BOOK READER (V.O.)
Chapter 72: The Monkey-Rope.

BOOK READER (cont'd)
In the tumultuous business of
cutting-in and attending to a whale,
there is much running backwards and
forwards among the crew...
He stirs his beans. Dipping his tongue into the ladle, he
spits. He head quickly snaps right...something's got his
eye.


No need for back to back BOOK READER - just make it one dialogue block.


Quoted Text
MAN and a scrawny apprentice. They meet eye sight.
The two men stop.


Scrawny Apprentice should be in CAPS


Quoted Text
BULKY MAN
Well look what we got here Jim. You
mind if we join ya'?


Need a comma after here.


Quoted Text
JIM
Sure does smell good mister'.


Need a comma after good.

Just nitty stuff - thought it had a pretty good vibe to it.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
Kirsten
Posted: December 8th, 2019, 6:32am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Giving up is not an option....

Location
Kiwi in Ohio
Posts
253
Posts Per Day
0.21
Hi there,

This is a good story, I enjoyed it and (SPOILERS!!!).....

the twist. I can see how it is  the beginning of something big, and you've created a great hook, but it works well as short. I forgot it was  apocalyptic, so the ending for me was more powerful. I wonder if you took out the apocalyptic part in the logline  the twist would work better for the audience.

Because of my ignorance, I was asking questions such as why is this guy by a fire in the woods, why is this guy so quick to be offended, why does he have a gun in his pocket, why did he just shoot them all? Then with that great twist you answered all my questions, which is brilliant.

Good job....


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
AMRH
Posted: December 8th, 2019, 7:23am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Live.

Location
Pennsylvania
Posts
11
Posts Per Day
0.19
I'm glad you enjoyed it ! At this point he made it to New York, did he find the girl? I don't know yet. This could be the beginning and ending scene depends upon where the characters take me.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006