About Zoya by Pravda - Oil lamp, Translator, Grocery store - Short, Historical

Elaborately detailed script this. Well written.

But the grocery store and oil lamp are massively shoehorned in and have zero impact on the story. Great use of the translator but in the end, all the characters are quite unlikeable and I didn't care what happened to them.

A note to Don? The name Zova in the script thread is actually Zoya in the script.

Fixed the title. Thanks, Stevie.
I'll put my review in here when I get to it.
...

Coming back to this, like I said I would.

The gratitude from me to you,
I will express in stronger terms,
When reckless Nazis wiped out, From
land that fights through this curse.

Is that (above)  a quote? Just wondering cause of the weird caps mid-sentence?

Zoya lays on top
Should be: lies on top

There will be the river and forest
and stars, Around the house that
we’ll built for us
Weird caps mid-sentence again, but lovely turn of phrase. Should be build. Very poetic.
I realise the other was Pushkin as the character said.

Okay, you can tell me later if this translation for the bit further down is correct:
It's probably an animal, I better check it out. Excuse me...

Ooh, Zoya's feisty. Wow, the true story is brave and  harrowing.
Thanks, John for the link to the full Zoya story. Whew!

Some clean-up /edits needed, but loved the atmosphere.
Well done!

Nicely written and felt suitable historical in atmosphere.

I just... didn't really care much for the characters or the story. I think more seeing then in action than talking about things would work better when you have only 5 pages to get so much across. The translator was definitely part of the story, as was the theme, the other items just placeholders.

-Mark

Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya, hanged by Nazis as an arsonist in '41 and left to hang for a month. Now this fits historical for genre! And another hangin'! Did you know about this event Stevie? New to me.

You nailed all the requirements and props. Nature v. Nurture as Zoya (I'm thinking) is a product of her new environment.

Nice work, writer. Very cool.

Found this link: https://russiapedia.rt.com/prominent-russians/history-and-mythology/zoya-kosmodemyanskaya/

Oil lamp, Translator, Grocery store - Short, Historical


Russian resistance during the second world war - what a variety we are getting

a good triangle with the boyfriend helping the enemy and she a resistance fighter, if you expanded this one that would be an area to flesh out

nature v nurture?

anyway, im not overly worried about how perfect these things are included. I thought the main aspects were included enough

I would be interested to know why make her all poetry/flowery etc - perhaps this is an aspect of the historical element. this made her interesting, but on occasions a little confusing, something that can be helped with more pages

nice effort

Thanks, John, for the link. Puts it all into perspective.

Interesting choice to focus on the events leading to the hanging, and not the hanging itself. Good call, I think.

This is well written for sure. Though, you really pushed it on a couple of the parameters.

The decision to make poetry such a big part of the script was a bit of a distraction, but it also added depth to the characters... so, I'm mixed there. Was she known for poetry in some way?

Overall, good script. Enjoyed it. And, I learned something. So, thank you!

I know a lot about Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.

she went to live in the woods together with other school-age people (some underaged!), and yes, she was an arsonist. But I know she commited this arson together with the third man. Vasiliy. And you have here only two - Boris and her.

We had to learn about them at school. I'll return to this one. Was she a poet thoough? I know she was friends with a big writer, who at the time was young. Maybe.

We covered at school the way she died and that she was missing one breast when she was hanged. And she was tortured. I don't know maybe if you're talking about her it would make sense to include that. I know not in 5 pages, but maybe you could skip poetry and cover that aspect.

Yeah John I’d read about Zoya but didn’t make the connection to this script until you mentioned it. There is another Russian girl Lepa Radic who suffered the same fate, and both are rightly venerated as Russian heroines.

The link you put doesn’t mention Zoya’s final Her final words were:

‘Hey, comrades! Why are you looking so sad? Be brave, fight, beat the Germans, burn, trample them! I'm not afraid to die, comrades. It is happiness to die for one's people!‘

And she said to the Nazi executioners:

‘You hang me now, but I'm not alone. There are two hundred million of us. You can't hang us all. They will avenge me.‘

Like the Scholl siblings, these were incredibly brave young people

Hmm, this is well written but...

Character descriptions go from one extreme to another, e.g Vlad has a really cliche intro, but Zoya has a poetic gaze - I'm not sure what that means.

Poetry in dialogue, is an interesting choice though not sure it works in the setting, could with more room in a longer scrpt.

The locations have confused me... why does Zoya leave her own house (leaving Vlad there), to go to the forest and meet Boris and go into Vlad's tent... should it be Boris's tent? Then we move to Zoya's tent that Boris appears to be asleep in... the geography of the scenes is making me re-read.

It's an effective drama but the criteria aren't all used... one that may work well out of the challenge.

The grocery store part seems shoehorned in, and its oddity sticks out, as it would be historically inaccurate. "Well, it is a small shop" you could say. That isn't the point, the point is Vlad is taking multiple items off the shelves and into a bag. In Russia. 1941.  (hint: the cashier or an employee would get it for him)

But anyway, moving on...I'm get this header:
INT. PETRISHCHEVO VILLAGE - ZOYA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Her house? Just say 'burned out house' or house ruins. It's better.
I guess it's my fault really, see, I happened to hit the links on Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.
The more I knew, the more stuff like this stick out. She had no houses in the village. She, along with Vlad and Boris, burned them down.
On a whim, I also looked up the info regarding grocery stores in 1940s Russia as well.


Vlad is a traitor. A fascist?  Died in November 1941? That contradicts history, (and again, it seems he has "a house" too)  But even without the info, I had a tough time buying his turncoat suspicion.  Seemed forced.  

Okay writing. Good subject matter.
Refresh and learn new things every day.

One of the better historical genre pieces in the weeks so far. Written well.

Hi,

I have to admit that I thought the first few lines were lifted from an actual translation site,  such as Google Translate but after a few reads I assume they were reciting poetry to each other.
A good slice of history and the real struggle between patriots and collaborators.
I enjoyed the story and imagery.

Well done.

’ve never come across a story about the Russian resistance, s it was refreshing to read this one. I especially liked the poetic dialogue and the German lingo. I think this script was a good illustration of the theme. Both Vlad and Zoya were raised in the same environment. The difference is that Vlad followed the same path as his mother in collaborating with the Nazis, while Zoya was born to be a fighter. Very nice work.

Quoted Text RUSSIA, JULY 1941

Is this part of the slug or a SUPER, it's not labeled as a super and seems to be a continuation of the slug. Either way it would be better as a super if it's important to the story.

The writing is pretty good, the story not so much. I found myself drifting around the page 3 mark.

I'm not sure this hits the nature vs. nurture mark.