Great Again by Michael J. Kospiah (spesh2k) writing as Blank - Short, Thriller - After falsely reporting a hate crime, Wendell believes he's being followed and harassed by a mysterious man. But will anybody believe him this time? - pdf format

Nightmare at 20,000 Feet - S5E3


Writer interested in feedback on this work

Absolutely loved it! This was an awesome take on what is probably one of the best known episodes of TZ. So, was the MAGA hat guy real or just a hallucination? Will we ever know?

Nice take on the episode, very inventive.

Not sure what to make or take from the script itself - which is very well written.

Thought provoking.

Good job

Really enjoyed this one. I think it's one of my favourites. The pacing is great, the stakes increase incrementally and I feel invested reading this story. For some reason, kept imagining the MAGA hat guy's creepy smile looking like the cover of that Aphex Twin album... Richard D. James LP.

The social commentary on lived experiences works in this one.

My only comment, minor, but I think important to Wendell's character. After he had those experiences with the cops, would he truly believe calling the cops would help him? As he tells Lisa to do it. Though the cops don't actually get involved by way of Lisa or Wendell's choice/actions, is Wendell's line to call the cops believable? Just something to think about.

Also nice one to name the neighbour "Karen", haha

Amazingly well written, writer!

Target accomplished. Wendell's credibility questioned all along, the manga hat guy was real all along =nailed the original story. Expert dialogue, action blocks slightly overwritten when necessary, clean and short whenever there is no point at doing it. Loved it.
Imho, I would edit the very last scene so the cops never see the hat, although it's somewhere down there, hidden.

Ok, this reads pretty damn good. Your writing is economical, especially your action and your dialogue hits the mark, the humor too,  We're definitely in the hands of a skilled pro... no doubt about that, I liked it. I’m not saying its Mozart level genius but the story works. JMHO.  No doubt you had a blast writing this. Hats off & GL with it.-A

Howdy writer.

Wonderfully written, I was guided through the whole thing and saw everything.

Not as in love with the story as others. It wasn't bad, just didn't really interest me that much. Seems to fit in nicely with what I know of the TZ episode though (And by "what I know" I mean "What I have just read on Wiki") so a great job of hitting the criteria - not bad on the budget either.

Still, this is the best one I have read so far.

Best of luck with it

A nice take on a classic episode. Well written, easy to follow and ticks all the boxes.

My only niggle is as this focused on MAGA and a bit political, it may turn some off but it dates the screenplay. Over time, the MAGA elements will become less relevant and I'd just suggest making it more of a generic stalker as the gremlin in this tale.

-Mark

I think that this works really well under the prompt and the budget restrictions. Great story on its own without beating us over the head with the original. I see this one getting very high marks, so good job.

As far as the politics go, if you're offended, you should be offended.

Very well done. I'm on a fence whether the initial false accusation with the cops is necessary or not. I don't know why but it bothers me somehow. How would it read if he was completely innocent and without the earlier encounter? Regardless, nice work here. Great reinvention of seeing a gremlin.

Hi writer,

From what I gather, this one seems to be the flavor of the week, so okay, yeah… I see what you did there. I vaguely remember some sports icon or something-or-other dude actually trying to pull that stunt, the race incited incident so to speak. I honestly can’t remember who, what, where, when, why or the logistics behind it all so I won’t bang on.

Anyhoo, the gremlin was probably Trump, yes? Am I right? Disappeared but left his calling card. This is also a take on one of the oldest fables in existence: ‘the boy who cried orange-man’.

Definitely a unique Twilight take on the original and works well with the chosen episode.

Writing was great.

Not really enjoying the current  political issues the States are dealing with now, but they do work well with the story.

Not much else to say.

Good work.

A Trump/BLM take on Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. Inspired idea.

Your title page immediately jumps out. This is normally frowned upon.

Quoted Text Wendell meets his eyes with him - he takes a moment to nod.

Not sure "with him" is needed. Makes the sentence confusing.

Stranger things have happened.

Unlike what a certain individual believes, facts are facts.

Is this guy supposed to be a MAGA Dr. Wynn from Halloween 6?

Karen. Ha ha! Barbecue Becky?

OMG! Too soon!

*Spoilers*

So... Was it Wendell the whole time?

This was powerfully written. Not much else I can add. Great job.

Like (hopefully) everybody else in the world, I cannot wait until Trump's gone. Good riddance. Vote for Joe Biden.

Absolutely enjoyed this! Nice social commentary with solid writing.

Definitely one of my favorites.

2 topics I hope to never hear about again – Jussie Smollet and MAGA.

This is good… but I still rolled my eyes b/c I’m just so sick of the subject matter. It’s very on the nose, but I guess it has to be?

It’s a good take on a concept everyone would probably recognize even without knowing it was supposed to be influenced by the Twilight Zone episode.

I don’t have much to critique and if I keep talking, I’m just gonna end up pissing someone off (although I imagine a screenwriting message board is predominantly liberal.)

If you told me this was a pitch for the CBS all access modern version that aired 2 years ago, I’d believe it.