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A Pixie Little Christmas by Matthew Taylor (Matt) writing as Sinterklaas - When a Pixie's home is stolen, his anger endangers a little girl's Christmas. Short, Animation, Christmas
Hmmmmmm, Sinterklass? How very Dutch of you! Glad you avoided Black Peter, for those not aware of Dutch Xmas traditions look that bad boy up.
Hey writer!!
Wow, that was charming. God love Caspian, with his Narnia-esque name and maddening stuck in the living room situation. I felt his pain, it moved around the place with him being a dick, then fixing his dickishness. Nice wee story.
There was one annoying bit where you kept saying “year”, but apart from that the writing all worked. However, was it low budget as per the aforementioned requirements? Errrrr, probably a few marks off there.
Yeah, I liked it, especially the dog bit, nice one!
Cam
P.S. This review was brought to you by Slade, and not the Christmas song, mother trucking Slade In Flames. God bless Slade, forever a Christmas miracle.
Like the opening scene and description but it feels a little over written, and some odd word choices too - I don't think you can tepidly poke your head out, did you mean timidly?
Why are there nettles on the end of the branch?
He is introduced flying, why does he need the tinsel to get down the tree?
A pixie as the ornament, er, well seen as it's the season of goodwill
Your writing really captured the spirit of the story. It flowed really nicely with a consistent high energy, Christmas spirit.
It’s a sweet story but my only criticism would be that I think you need a stronger reason for the fairy to fix the Christmas tree. I mean, these people have cut down its home, dragged it in the house and tarted it up with decorations but the fairy is the bad guy for tearing it all down?
I think it would benefit from a stronger justification than the little kid crying because the trees a mess. It sounds like they have a pretty sweet Christmas house even without the tree.
Maybe if the family was really poor and the tree was all they had for Christmas then I would have empathized with them but in this version I think the fairy should have rained hell down upon them for cutting down its home. Or maybe just seek compensation in the small claims court.
Staring with a real nitty issue – CONIFER rather than PINE TREE – to me, simple is usually better. (like I said – a real nit).
A problem for me here:
Quoted Text
DAD Come on now, it's okay. We can fix it.
So, Dad comes into the room finding a tree that he just decorated in shambles – stuff strewn everywhere and his reaction is a mild we can fix it rather than a what the hell happened. Didn’t make sense to me.
Okay - done.
Parameters met.
A warm-hearted story - I enjoy it.
Yes - it is a bit over-written - flowery - BUT - in this case for me it works as we are writing Christmas themed stories and - at least for me - tone and setting are important (ya know - that magical time of the year) and in this case, I think the over-writing effectively serves the purpose of establishing tone and setting.
For me - the destruction of the tree is not needed - I think you could have just gone with Caspian overhearing a chat about the family not being able to afford fancy ornaments (i.e/, make the tree somewhat bare other than a few hand-crafted things) and the no money for presents.
Really well done, writer. I'm surprised no one has mentioned low budget, which this wouldn't be. Although this would make an excellent comic or kids picture book! Really, seriously consider the picture book.
Having a daughter that loves all the Tinkerbell movies, I could totally SEE this. Good job.
BTW - I had a dark vision when the daughter grabbed the string to hang Caspian. I really thought there might be a hangin'! Luckily it was around the waist and not his neck. Stevie would've enjoyed that turn.
The puppy at the end was a nice surprise addition. I didn't see that coming.
There was a lot to like about this story.
I was a little perplexed about the pixie's decision to smash up the tree. I understand that he was startled by his new environment, but the destructive nature seemed a little harsh. I suggest finding a way to make this a little more accidental.
The lines about entering " a small green box with a button on top" are a little vague. Not sure exactly what I'm looking at.
Also, is there a missing cat? There is a line about a cat that's tossed out, but seems to get lost in the shuffle. Did I misread something?
There are numerous writing mistakes on display and for me, it really takes away from what could be a very magical Christmas script. I'm not going to go into details here, though.
Story-wise, there's very little here, but whenever a story ends in a such a happy way, it's hard to really care about the negatives.
I think my biggest issue is that the enchanted ornament parameter. Yeah, yeah, I know, Caspian became the ornament and he is truly "enchanted", but for me, that entire element didn't work very well.
This is good, for sure, but IMO, it doesn't compare to several others I've already come across.
I would have dimmed the lights and made popcorn if I knew it was going to be that good, but that would be odd since I am at work. I won't do my normal verbose critique. Mainly because I don't have to. There's very little wrong with this. Job well done. Best of Irish luck!-ghostie girl.
Well, this was a right jolly tale with a happy ending. Unfortunately, it needs work. Your action writing is way over done and it takes forever to read. You need to trim the action down, stop trying to be too descriptive and get to the point. Definitely not a lot of white showing here. That’s bad. However, it wasn’t written badly, if that makes sense. Grammar, punctuation - all good, nothing glaring. Just way to descriptive. The story ends happily, but I wish you had played upon the parents dilemma of not being able to provide a great Christmas more. Would have liked to have seen their plight more. Anyway, decent job, but it misses the mark for me.
Maybe if the family was really poor and the tree was all they had for Christmas then I would have empathized with them...
I didn't want to go for a stereotypical poor family. Just a normal family who has come into hard times (like a lot of families this year), so they still have the decorations from past Christmases when times were better.
My only question, when Caspian bumped into the nutcracker, did it smell of poop?
When I first read your comment, I had no idea what you were talking about and thought Nutcracker might have a double meaning... then I read "Grandmas Nutcracker"
So, Dad comes into the room finding a tree that he just decorated in shambles – stuff strewn everywhere and his reaction is a mild we can fix it rather than a what the hell happened. Didn’t make sense to me.
Also, is there a missing cat? There is a line about a cat that's tossed out, but seems to get lost in the shuffle. Did I misread something?
Yea that didn't make sense to me either. In the longer version, there is a cat at the beginning who attacks the Christmas decorations, the pixie then plants evidence to frame the cat after he destroys everything, so I wanted the Dad to believe the cat did it. But the story was too long and had to be cut down.
Again, thanks all for the read and reviews - I think I have come a long way since my first OWC back in January 2019 and it's all thanks to you guys and SS.
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A Pixie Little Christmas - OWC - Sold
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