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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The Halloween 2021 One Week Challenge  ›  Terracotta Terror! - OWC
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Don
Posted: October 16th, 2021, 11:06am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Terracotta Terror! by LatentLoon - In the garden of the Cherished Chestnut retirement home, two residents hide.  Short, Horror


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Anon
Posted: October 17th, 2021, 4:15am Report to Moderator
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Hello writer. I could tell you enjoyed writing this, which is good.

Overall, not one for me, because I don't like things that aren't explained. And this is about as random a concept as I've seen go unexplained. Even if it was a witch that put a curse on the gnome to fix a vendetta - anything would have been good.

And watch out for on the nose dialogue like this -

CLARE
Can you hear that? Sounds like
footsteps.

Imagine if the water vibrating scene in Jurassic park needed someone to say that.
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Yuvraj
Posted: October 17th, 2021, 8:02am Report to Moderator
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Hi writer,

First off, this is more of a comedy to me than horror. I found myself chuckling at places, so that is the reason for that. The idea of the story is good with a well-deserved execution. I liked the writing here and it was fun to read. Unexpected villain - gnome. Check.

Good luck.


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irish eyes
Posted: October 17th, 2021, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Well this was different   

Attack of Gnomezilla   

It  played more as a comedy than anything.

The writing was decent,  a few mistakes here and there  ' I dunno, you seem to be limping
there solider.... SOLDIER   for example.  

It was ok for me and certainly one of the more interesting villains.

Good job on entering


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: October 18th, 2021, 2:18am Report to Moderator
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I was thinking this was quite a reasonable budget... until page 5, lol.

Really well written with realistic characters, but the 50-foot garden gnome with no explanation was too much for me. It was like you couldn't decide if this was horror or a comedy. It is written seriously but the idea of a giant painted gnome attacking an old folks home for no discernable reason is rather silly.

Also, I don't believe this one fits the parameters. They must be someone no one would suspect (until the end), this villain makes an appearance halfway through.

Some great writing on display here though. I was really into this until page 5.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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SteveClark
Posted: October 18th, 2021, 5:08am Report to Moderator
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Wrier,

All right. Well. Chuckled at the description of the gnome as "ferocious." Anyway, this is a miss for me. So much description loaded in there that wasn't necessary. And logic -- why would a man eating gnome eat a butterfly? In fact, why is there a fifty foot gnome anyway?? I didn't see an explanation for this, which takes me out of the story right off. I found the whole thing a little silly, and without tension. Still, thanks for the read and good luck!

Steve


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: October 18th, 2021, 11:12am Report to Moderator
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Love the title

and I love the story

I could see this in some adult animated anthology series like Love, Death + Robots or Oats Studios.



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Dukeman42
Posted: October 18th, 2021, 9:38pm Report to Moderator
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I'm a fan of the absurdity! I was left wanting more of a connection between the villain and Jim/David. Did they do something to upset this thing? What's the villain's beef with the home?

There was a little space left where these connections could have been made, and at least a theory posited as to why only they could see the villain (which I found quite an interesting element).

Not how I'd want to go!
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Britman
Posted: October 19th, 2021, 3:34pm Report to Moderator
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Your title should've been: Go Big or Go Gnome. Missed opportunity there

It was well written for the most part if maybe a tad too scattered for me at times with all the jumping around.

I don't see much of a villain here either just a big monster that appears at the mid point of the story for no reason, and that means not much of a payoff either. And did I miss the Halloween connection?

A few more drafts would make it a little more focused, but it was fun nonetheless.


Producer/Director of The Dollmaker by Matias Caruso
Producer/Director of So Pretty/Dark by James Williams

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Britman  -  October 19th, 2021, 3:49pm
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_ghostwriters
Posted: October 19th, 2021, 4:52pm Report to Moderator
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Ahoy writer,

I'm no psychotherapist or anything but clearly your goal was to make it an over-the-top horror/comedy (hence the over-the-top title) too. Ha, good dialogue, funny stuff! Overall, I thought it was written fairly well. And IMO there's nothing overtly wrong with what you've written here (except there was no mention or reference to Halloween) which I believe was one of the parameters. However, I liked this. Best of Irish Luck!


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 19th, 2021, 6:00pm Report to Moderator
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I'm not sure this met any of the parameters but it was still fun.

Would work well animated.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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PKCardinal
Posted: October 20th, 2021, 3:48pm Report to Moderator
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I love me a good old-fashioned creature feature.

If I can have just a bit of fun at your expense... I laughed out loud at the action line: "Roy combats persistent wheezing with toffee." At the time, it just felt so random. Like, all this action is going on, but let's pause to talk about...toffee.

Now, of course, you came back to the toffee, so it made a bit more sense later in the read (though, honestly, not a whole lot more).

My point is (if I have one, I'm not entirely sure), there might be a less random way to introduce that fact.

In the end, I enjoyed this for what it is...a fun romp through the garden.


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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Spqr
Posted: October 21st, 2021, 10:00am Report to Moderator
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Gnomezilla is no Godzilla, but itís not bad. In fact, itís very good. Dialog, action, descriptions are all top rate. However, I would have liked at least a hint as to how this monster came to be, but that doesnít impact the effectiveness of the story. What does impact it, as far as Iím concerned, is the fact that this script has no Halloween connection.
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IamGlenn
Posted: October 21st, 2021, 11:10am Report to Moderator
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:)

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Hi Writer,

Writing-wise I thought this was fairly well done. Story-wise, not for me. The gnome attack went on a bit and I did get a little bored by the end (a script featuring a fifty foot evil gnome should never be boring). Also, the villain was revealed too early.

Good luck,
Glenn


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AlexanderLR
Posted: October 25th, 2021, 3:11pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks everyone who gave me feedback, appreciate it. I did really enjoy writing this and will be uploading an improved version very soon to tie up certain things - mainly the reason for the absurd fifty foot gnome! Halloween will be featured in there as well and comedy remains mixed in with the horror.
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