Hello all,

The working logline for my half-hour tv pilot is:

A stubborn TV station owner and his ambitious colleagues face misadventure during the fight for influence and meaning at the intersection of media, business, and politics in a small coastal town.

Let me know how it can be improved or how it is already awesome.

Thanks!

I kinda like it.  I assume, since you use the term misadventure, it's a comedy.

Here is a take: A small coastal town is the stage for crazy misadventure as a stubborn TV station owner and his ambitious colleagues angle for their own personal direction at the intersection of media, business, and politics.

A logline can be devised and it can be technically put together well, but it's only going to attract readers if an audience knows what it's about.

What genre is this?
A stubborn TV owner, ambitious colleagues...
The word misadventures does conjure comedy (Steven is right, I think?) gives us a hint this might be a fun ride and social media driven?

But while this idea clearly has awesome   potential, I have no idea what it's about.

I'd probably shorten it. I read it out loud and almost ran out of breath.

Of course, I might just need some time in the gym.

Thanks guys! I entered the script in a Screencraft competition and in their feedback they provided this logline edit. Is this any clearer?

A stubborn TV station owner and his colleagues face obstacles as they fight for influence on their public access channel.

The only problem I have with the above is that it's one guy and his wife -- the main characters -- who run the station. The rest of the characters are really just in his orbit doing their own thing. Goofy local politics, business interests, a church, etc. Kind of envision it as a funny True Detective. But the station is also the launch pad/inflection point for all of them influencing their broader environment.

Their take isn't bad, but it is lacking.  I've read the first few pages of your script, but there is always something that keeps me from concentrating.  I think it has potential, but I really need to get it all read.  Based on what I have read, this is my take:

Follow the misadventures of a fast-talking TV station owner and his wife as they work every angle to try and reach the top of the business heap in a small coastal town.

Thanks for your suggestion! I hope by distraction you mean just in your life. Basically, overall, I seem to have gotten pretty above-average remarks other than working on my dialogue. So I am currently on a 4th draft updating that.

Quoted from michaelmwinters Thanks for your suggestion! I hope by distraction you mean just in your life. Basically, overall, I seem to have gotten pretty above-average remarks other than working on my dialogue. So I am currently on a 4th draft updating that.

Yep.  Just in my life.  Never enough time to read anything of length.  Glad to hear your critiques have been good.  Good luck on the new draft!

Great. Be sure to let me know what you think when you finish the read. Take care.