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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Love thy neighbour Moderators: LC
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Desmond
Posted: November 30th, 2023, 10:49am Report to Moderator
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A young lesbian couple who live with a younger brother who has mild down syndrome. A happy -go-lucky and very cocky guy, now have new neighbours. The mother is old fashioned and against same sex relationships on religious grounds. With the help of the daughter next door, they manage to pull the wool over the mothers’ eyes. I thought a log line would be

“Comedy about a young lesbian couple who have new neighbours who are not keen on same sex relationships who try, with the help of the daughter to keep things hushed up.”

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Desmond  -  November 30th, 2023, 11:31am
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Kevin_L
Posted: November 30th, 2023, 11:43am Report to Moderator
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Hey Desmond.

The guy with Down syndrome sounds like the main character more than the lesbian couple.   At least to me.   This is what popped into my mind.  I know it's way off from your idea.  But maybe it will help you flesh it out more.

When a famous influencer with mild Down syndrome lies on the HOA application to buy his dream home inside a gated religious community,  he creates havoc trying to cover for his sister's lesbian partnership as he falls for the neighbor's stay-at-home adult daughter.

Either way. I think you're onto something.
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Desmond
Posted: November 30th, 2023, 2:10pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks. I will look into this. The lad is not realy the main charecter though. I wanted to get my script read but I tried this last year at it remained unread.
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Kevin_L
Posted: November 30th, 2023, 2:18pm Report to Moderator
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Message me and I'll read it.  I promise to not go so out in left field. Lol.   I thought you was fleshing out a new story.  
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LC
Posted: November 30th, 2023, 6:21pm Report to Moderator
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Desmond/Paul,

You're beating a dead horse imho.

You got three pages of feedback given to you on this thread (below) - this looks like the same script to me - Rosy and Lucy.

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-logline/m-1667732366/s-0/

Kind of insulting to those who previously gave their time and advice to post a new thread and act like this is something new.

I also remember giving feedback on the actual script. This one posted as Rosy.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-workinprogress/m-1663225270/s-new/

Maybe move on to something new.


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Desmond
Posted: December 4th, 2023, 7:47am Report to Moderator
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You're beating a dead horse imho. this looks like the same script to me - Rosy and Lucy.

No, it's not. It’s the same character format with lesbians but re-worked into a different concept. Don’t think that 2 lesbians means identical script.

I also remember giving feedback on the actual script.
This is not the same script.

Kind of insulting to those who previously gave their time and advice to post a new thread and act like this is something new.
Or insulting to think I am presenting the same script again

How do I message Kevin-L?

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Desmond  -  December 4th, 2023, 8:10am
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LC
Posted: December 4th, 2023, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, you say it's not an identical script. Fair enough.
It's similar enough though, based on your previous logline on the other thread. (below).

Rosy and Lucy is a comedy about 2 teenage lesbians who live with Stewart, Rosie’s younger brother with mild Down's syndrome,  but  he is a very clever and can be a  devious practical joker. New neighbours have moved in next door who are strict Roman Catholics with Molly (mum) being against same sex marriages and relationships, however her daughter Brigid is more than helpful to cover things up.

My logline suggestions, although the first one needs cutting down.

A romantic comedy that follows the lives of two spirited lesbians, Rosy and Lucy, and Rosy's clever younger brother, Stewart, who has mild Down's syndrome. Relationships are put to the test when new neighbors with strict Roman Catholic beliefs, move in next door. As a clash of values unfolds chaos ensues, prompting unexpected alliances and comedic situations, all while navigating the complexities of love, life, acceptance, and the art of practical jokes.

Or:

In rural Ireland* a lesbian couple's relationship is put to the test when a family of staunch Roman Catholics move in next door. As a clash of values unfolds chaos ensues, prompting unexpected alliances and comedic situations, all while navigating the complexities of love, life, acceptance, and the art of practical jokes.

* I have no idea where this is set.

There's no need to start a new Logline thread when the premise and characters are basically the same. Just bump the thread. This way you have continuity and can look back at people's previous suggestions.

Also, if you want your script read, post it to Don on the submissions page.
https://www.simplyscripts.com/submit_your_script_new.html

Read and review other people's scripts and you should get reads in return. Ideally review scripts written by active members posting new scripts to guarantee a response. You can review a Short or review the first ten of a feature length.

Alt, post a request in Script Review Exchange:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-goose/



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LC  -  December 4th, 2023, 8:24pm
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