Quick Fix by Gary Plauche - Desperate to change, a disturbed man seeks the help of a mysterious fixer who offers a unique solution.  Short, Drama

Very slick and well written. Kudos for that.

*Spoilers*

I've so many questions about the grandstanding and the 'why' behind it all. Did Walter need an admission or permission to do the deed? Why didn't he just snuff him in the woods instead of messing up a motel room? He just made work for himself.

Spoilers.

The opening pulled me into the story and set the scene perfectly.  The twist got me.  I did a WTF?  Begs the question, 'why?' and left me thinking.  

Good tight story.  Easily filmable.

- Don

Starting OVER BLACK is perfectly fine, but your FADE IN needs to be left aligned.

So, your :"dingy hotel" description runs on a little long, and that even includes the dreaded "etc.".  Actually, this sounds more like a motel, not a hotel.

"TWO MEN, one older and one younger..." - not a good way to go about this, as it's completely a wasted line.

Page 2 - " I’ll fix of it." - missing "all"?

Page 3 - no reason for the "CUT TO" - it serves no purpose at all.

Hmmm, interesting ending.  Interesting take here the whole way through.

I like it, but for me, it's too 1 note and other than the brief flash of violence, it's 2 guys sitting on a bed, or 1 guy on his phone.  It's a good concept though.

Thank you.

Taut little story, a typo or too along the way but we were all rushing.

But, and this is the first time I've said this in the OWC so far, I didn't feel the twist was earned, just didn't feel foreshadowed enough to warrant it. This feels especially the case when you had a couple of pages left to play with.

So despite my appreciation of the hammer-surgery I'd ask you to look at 'fixing' the ending up a little.

Well written. My suggestion to improve would be to make the killing feel deserved. Pretty easy fix IMO. If you do this it probably will be picked up since it's an easy to film piece.

I’ll fix of it. (typo)
I'll fix it.

Whew! Well written, reads fast, no hiccups overall.
The twist is right there at the end too.

My only quibble is that it's essentially a nasty little tale and I'm not convinced there's enough plot for it to be satisfying for an audience.

You have two pages to play with. I'd use them

Dear Gary,
maybe change up this line "I’m not here to feel pity or to pass judgement" as this made it feel so Terminator . . . . which I guess is your point. Does Walter need permission? as in " Whatever it is you do... Work your magic"
I don't mind the brevity. It does what is says on the tin. The problem fixer robot lives another day - -  Best

the twist was unexpected, i like that. but i think it'd be better if the writer used the extra page and a half to provide a little more info on why walter does what he does.

LOL. probably the first twist to really get me so far. deceptively simple -- an anti-twist ?

after it happens you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for some sort of explanation, but it's exactly as simple as you didn't think it would be.

maybe there's some way to heighten the tension, draw it out more, but I'd be hesitant because you don't want to overindulge when it comes to a "fuck you" twist like this -- needs to play out like a good joke, and I think it does that pretty well.

two guys in a hotel room, one uncomfortable and afraid, the other with a proposition... it's hard to not pick up on the gay tension present here. I kind of doubt that was intended but it's a facet that could be explored more, or could at least be something in the background that informs a rewrite, if you do one.

Very good script. Well written and constructed. There is a logic gap of why Walter would converse with and get permission from his victim before doing the deed ... but the out-of-nowhere violence did have some solid impact (pun intended). This is a good foundation for an even better short film. Good job.

Another twist I didn’t see coming. I’ll have to agree with Pia’s suggestion to make the killing seem more deserved. Phillip mentions disgusting thoughts - maybe he’s a child molester? That would definitely warrant a hammer to the skull. Just a thought on fleshing it out a bit. Good entry, writer.

Simple little concept, a therapist/medic or whatever is actually a killer on a mission.

I had a similar idea but couldn’t get it to work in time.

For me this needs a bit more set up and understanding so that the twist pays off.

After all if the fella is there to simply kill the lad, why bother with all the talk.

I think could be an effective short with time.

Hello, Gary. (I just read up on this guy on Wikipedia.)

"There's no easy way out." Rocky IV?

Traditionally, Fade in: goes on the left.

"Judgment" usually has one "e."

"I'll fix of it."

You'd be surprised what's free in this world.

Phillip saying exactly what I was thinking.

Same, Walter. But I don't know about not believing in souls.

Dude! Well... that's... one way to fix somebody.

You appear to be a new writer. Not a bad first effort, just needs a little rewriting,tightening, and polishing. Good luck with it.

This was humorously clever. It was almost like a joke brought to life into a script. Poor Phillip.

I could have done without the little bit of direction thrown in there. I thought it was unnecessary. Leave that to the director. I know it was only a little bit of direction but still... leave it up to the director how to open the film and how to sequence the violence at the end.

Still, it was funny. It might have been funnier if we knew why the father-in-law wanted him dead.