SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 7:55am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Hell: The Last Station Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 12 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Hell: The Last Station  (currently 1521 views)
Don
Posted: July 9th, 2005, 7:23am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Hell: The Last Station by Helio Jorge Cordeiro - Short, Horror - A bloodsucker attacks in the underground. You may be the next victim! - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
bert
Posted: July 21st, 2005, 6:14pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
I can't ever recall reading a script with more un-named characters.  For the tone you are going for here, however -- a "who could it be" kind of thing -- a nice laundry list of fairly anonymous characters seems appropriate.  And it works, actually.  I think I much preferred it this way, as opposed to giving them actual names. It makes it creepier, somehow. Nice technique, that.

Your use of parentheticals (character actions in dialogue) is a bit liberal, though. Things like "(glances at the unshaved man and turns to her)", and particularly, "(to high school girl #2 indicated high school girl #1)" should be trimmed.

I liked the end.  It's a fairly clever little piece, actually. But I would reconsider the title, as I can't quite see what any of this has to do with Hell.  Maybe "The Last Station" is enough, in and of itself.  Or maybe something else.  But your current title leads the reader to believe that your story will be something different, you know?


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 7
Helio
Posted: July 22nd, 2005, 9:58am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

Posts
1284
Posts Per Day
0.19
Thanks Bert. Your comments make me more confident in my writting. About the title I agree with you. It could be just The Last Station. The line into the parenthesis, I think it is because I don't dominate well the English language. I'll seee that question carefully.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 7
darthbrion
Posted: May 28th, 2006, 11:14pm Report to Moderator
New


I'm seriously troubled.....

Location
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Posts
132
Posts Per Day
0.02
heh great short!  Nice job of making people wonder who the Vampire is.  It was a quick but fun read!

However I have to say, I've never known cheerleaders to flirt with nerds.  And I would know.

Great story!

brion
Logged Offline
Private Message AIM Reply: 3 - 7
Zombie Sean
Posted: May 28th, 2006, 11:33pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Colorado
Posts
1547
Posts Per Day
0.23
Haha Helio you're a crazy one. I got so confused because of all the unnamed people. But I thought it was funny and clever how you did it. I liked the ending.

It was funny though, my cat is sitting on my lap and right when it came up to:


Quoted from Hell: The Last Station
Then...a loud SCREAM!


My cat jumped so it was like the scream coming from the man who was on the script scared my kitty and it made me laugh. I love my kitty.

But this was good.

Sean
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 7
Helio
Posted: May 29th, 2006, 8:26am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

Posts
1284
Posts Per Day
0.19
Hey Darthbrion, thanks for your comments, man!

And Sean, I'm sorry about you kitty. The poor cat would be dead, dude! Heart atack! Haha! I'll read one of your short maybe today (Living simple) who know tomorrow.

Anyway, thanks  for your comments!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 7
James McClung
Posted: May 30th, 2006, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Washington, D.C.
Posts
3293
Posts Per Day
0.49
SPOILERS...

This could easily have been a series of random, meaningless, albeit amusing, series of events however the vampire thing ties them all together nicely. I liked the ending a lot. It was quite eerie but somewhat amusing as well. It also, of course, answered the question that was hanging over the entire script. For a moment though, I thought the old lady was the vampire. I enjoyed the dialogue a lot too. Really great quirky stuff (as usual). Not much else to say here. I liked it a lot. Good job, Helio.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 7
rpedro
Posted: June 12th, 2006, 1:34am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Belgium
Posts
84
Posts Per Day
0.01
I also thought the old lady would be the vampire!

Great script Helio!

As usual I liked it!

well done!


Scripts :
- Hot Road (short)
- The Mirror (short)
- Listen Up (short)
- Dawn (short)
- One Day (short)
- Steal (short)

Pedro Chaves
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 7
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006