All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Wolves at the Door by Jeremy O'Brien - Short, Drama - The epic tale is finally told...who is the carnivore? Who is the vegen, and who is the wolf? - pdf, format
Well this is only the second one I've read and obviously this is a joke entry. I'm hoping there's not too many like this as I'll probably stop reading if there are.
Too many issues to get into really and as I'm almost certain they're all deliberate I'll just say that this wasn't for me and didn't meet the challenge - and a fellow Geordie, I see?
Well, any script that mentions Richard Greico, you know is pretty much doomed. I had not a clue what was going on here.
But when I read this epic piece of dialogue at the end:
SOMEONE ELSE IN THE PUB Argh...ah...etc...etc... Run for the hills!
You've got to be the same guy who wrote that "black blob of revenge" script last OWC. Still repeating those same mistakes, unfortunately. That dialogue is hilarious, though.
I thought (even if fake) the MOD asked not to put names on the submissions and based on what the above posters have commented, I won't bother reading it.
Just read Cam's post, and was already laughing about the same line of dialogue...and many others as well.
This is downright terrible and really seems like maybe it's supposed to be. Christopher Lee doing meaningless V.O.'s? Describing a character by comparing him to 3 different actors, but with worse hair and not as rich or popular? WOW...just WOW!
Gotta include 1 more quote here, cause it's truly a classic...
"The moonlight reflects on it and we can see like over a hundred different reflections darting back and forth in every single eye of every single wolf (except the biggest one who isn't outside any longer)." - WTF? Are you serious? C'mon now...
Very funny actually...hope this is a comedy...if it's meant to be serious, please stop writing immediately! Sorry, but I'm serious.
This is way too chunky a read. Chunky works sometimes, but it's a rare breed.
First off,
is sat on a stool at the bar. A frothing pint
is sat in front of him on the bar.
You've used "is sat" too much to no effect. Cut it.
Here:
We see ALROY (almost 25 and a half) walking towards the bar. He has thick red hair that resembles a fiery lion's mane. He is wearing a skin tight T-Shirt with Simon Cowell's face on it that is at least two sizes too small. A fag hanging from the corner of his mouth sends smoke wisps into the already very smoky air. You could probably even cut it with a knife it's so smoky.
Who the hell cares if he's twenty five or twenty-five and a half?
Who the hell is Simon Cowell? Ooh!! Simon! Of course.
Advice here is don't work on describing things or people. Work instead on building the feelings you want to invoke. Everyone starts with that "describing" things. Mostly, because that's how the asinine public schools teach people "not to think".
Pay attention to some of your favorite writers, but keep up your own methods.
If this is a joke, the overly rich narrative and poor dialogue about talking wolves in a pub is more palatable (Palatable? Listen to me, now I'm a food critic!) than meat pies. I did laugh at this one!
Obviously someone is trying to take the piss out of Brits here, but fundamentally doesn't understand the irony of British humour. All the mates and ridiculous words - woeful.
If you are a Brit and you wrote this... you must've been "wonked", mate. If you're not a Brit... go back to the drawing board, pal.
Taking the piss scripts should be funny, not painful like this.
I had another look at this. Yeah, it was pretty good. A definite sendup (today will be a 'pisstake' free day...well, almost) Some great depictions of the UK pub scene.
You really overdescribe a lot of things, especially characterization and their appearance. It made a very clunky read. Took a long time to get through the first page. Just name a few distinct traits and move on.
You can get rid of a lot of "we" and passive verbiage. Can push up the read a lot more.
A few un-filmables, we cannot see what the bouncer wants when he walks over to the wolves.
Because of the clunky description, I lost track of the characters. Such as Alroy and Bartley. Had to scroll back up to see who they are.
Their dialogues sound very unnatural, almost archaic. Isn't this set in the present days?
If Christopher Lee is in V.O., then how can we see what's he doing?
Overall, I didn't get the story. Seems like a pack of wolves come into the pub, Alroy and Bartley argued, and then the wolves kill them. End of story.
I wish the writer can enlighten me his/her intention. Sorry.
FEATURE:
Memwipe - Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.