All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Your Song by Michel J. Duthin (michel) (Justice Stone) Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - Could true love live on for a composer beyond death? - pdf, format
The only part that fazed me is when Jane tells him it’s a dream.
JANE (smiling) Yes, Peter. This is only a dream.
Shouldn’t it be an apparition?...considering she appears again at the end! and, it wouldn't it make more sense since the last action of her first apparition also ends like:
Peter lies back. He smiles back at Jane and closes his eyes, feeling good. He is now alone in the bedroom.
Love the lyrics too
Although a good little story, there was very little comedy.
I liked the story and it's the first one I've read for this OWC that had true Romance in it.
The end of the story made me smile in a bittersweet way and I did get a chuckle at one point - I'm not sure if that was intentional or not - but I think it lacked a comedic aspect.
But that isn't that important. You have a touching story here and that's good in itself.
It's generally good, I enjoyed it. It's quite touching at the end.
The monologue on page 1 sounds really awkward. It reads like a poem. Or is it the lyrics of a song? The phone call conversation in the beginning threw me off as well. You have overdone the "beats".
And what's with the car crash scene? Are you implying that Peter is dead as well?
I only feel the story starts when we get to Peter's living room.
There is romance, but where is the comedy? Maybe Zak's dialogue is supposed to be comedic? You also got the song written within the story, so that's good as well.
Good job.
FEATURE:
Memwipe - Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
definitely pulled on the heartstrings...one suggestion...try to avoid all the subtext in your description...write only what we see/hear...the subtext should come through with your dialog...but a good story...
Really heart-felt - loved it. Felt it where it (sometimes) hurts real bad. And just as I was thinking - romantic drama only, which is okay by me - you nailed it with the final scene with the portrayal of Zak - diamond nose-stud and all.
The only nitpickety thing I suppose would be that I had to go back and find the lyrics again. Mind you, I think that was kinda clever - keeping it short and sweet.
For the most part, I did like this story, but I don't see any romantic comedy in it at all. Actually, I don't see any attempts at humor at all. You did a good job with the music and incorprating the lyrics.
Writing-wise, I had lots of issues here. Insane amount of wrylies, most of which are completely unneccessary, IMO. They really took away from the read for me. Lots of awkward sentences and words missing a letter, which, again, took away from the read.
Good job with the music part of the challenge and good story. Needs a couple more edits and some humor, as well as a romantic comedy feel.
Now this is the best so far. Ok there's zero comedy in it but the use of the song is the major inspiration and that was the central core of the challenge.
Formatting and wri.ting was very good. Yep, top effort!
As other's have said, not enough comedy, but it was emotional, so well done.
I like the fact that he didn't tell the journalists that she had returned to him in a dream etc. but left it hanging.
I would like to see a bit more dialogue, slightly too much action.
Overall, it was well written, but I didn't enjoy it as some of the others on here might have, as it's not really a genre I like to read. Well, I'm going to be reading heaps more of this type of genre.... I think what I'm trying to say is I would like some comedy in it.
Very nice little piece. It was sad and you captured the drama very well. Maybe too well for the OWC. As others have said, there is no comedy in it. Nor is there any romance, though you can really feel Peter's love.
The lyrics were impressive. I really felt like they captured your theme here.
Some of the lines early on read a little funny to me. i.e.
"to realize the DRIVER of the car behind him is leaned over his window."
Did you mean leaning out his window??? Yelling at Peter??? Seemed a little hard to understand for me.
Anyways, really nice work, especially considering you thru this together in one week,,, er the last six hours like some of us.
That's a beautiful story, but I agree with most reviewers, there's not comdy in it. Anyway, the song is one of the main subject of the story and the lyrics did reflect the main line of the script. That's a good thing.