I've been writing the latest episode with Zavier, "Born Killa". It's nearing completion and since he has decided to push on with Divine, that leaves me with the task of completing the episode. None of my scripts are up yet, but you’ll soon see I have a habit for writing very violent scenes.

Cheers!

Quoted from MegaC None of my scripts are up yet, but you’ll soon see I have a habit for writing very violent scenes.

He isn't lying; I've actually had to edit some of his descriptions. Everything else is dynamite. This episode should be up sooner than later.

-Zavier

The next episode entitled "Born Killer" has just been submitted and should be up with the next batch. This was a collaboration between my classmate Chris Kuehl and myself, the first of its kind for ENM. Hope you all enjoy it.

-Zavier

I've started a revision of the first episode. I'm splitting it in two and adding some content that was left out of the original episode.

This is basically my attempt to get my early work up to par with the current episodes. I hadn’t looked at the first episode in several months and I'm actually finding "We see" and "The camera shows".

Should be done in a few weeks.

-Zavier

Thanks Don, for getting the new episode up. The revision for the first episode is almost finished, expect it soon. The next new episode is at least a month away. The second season will hopefully be up before the sun dies out, but with my schedule that looks doubtful.    

-Zavier

“The Recoil Review” Possible Spoilers

Before I start I must say your signature “Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.” Is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read as it pertains to this new wave of Chuck Norris being the man.

Once you finish season 1 I think you should start a petition or contact HBO because this series would work really well on television. It would have people saying “Band of Brothers? Saving Private Ryan? Expect No Mercy is the best war story ever told.” I don’t think me saying that is really all that reassuring for lack of a better term as I hold no high position but I’d bank money on a raw great series than another boring by the book sitcom like Everybody loves Raymond where they deal with the same situations 300 shows before it did.

On Page 6 – 7 - A oil covered mechanic… Is it not An oil covered mechanic?

On page 14 – 15 – He eyes slowly start to. Pretty self explanatory.

On page 16 – 17 – He loosed his balance and collapses. I think you meant losses.

Same page – He face emotes a terrible rage and sadness. Next line it’s also he instead of his. So this was a twofer.

On page 17 – 18 – A unconscious Muhammad. Again I think it’s An unconscious…

When Muhammad is begging for his life and says “God, please no” you should have West say something to the effect of “God’s not watching” or something. I don’t know it just seems like “Bye” is a little weak given the circumstances.

Again another stellar episode that raises the bar and has me wondering how this comes out of you, sometimes I feel like I’m reading the work of a 65 year old war veteran who knows the raw side instead of the happy happy joy joy American portrait of war.

I love the Sanders, Mack and West sub plots… They are something in Season 2 with new characters you should add more of because sub plots lighten the raw feel and make the episodes so much more than just a war story. I almost shed a tear and cheered when a few things happened during this episode.

If it were on video it might be a different story.

Thanks for another read Wesley. Possible spoilers ahead

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Quoted from Old Time Wesley Before I start I must say your signature �Chuck Norris doesn�t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.� Is one of the funniest things I�ve ever read as it pertains to this new wave of Chuck Norris being the man.

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley On Page 6 � 7 - A oil covered mechanic� Is it not An oil covered mechanic? On page 14 � 15 � He eyes slowly start to. Pretty self explanatory. On page 16 � 17 � He loosed his balance and collapses. I think you meant losses. Same page � He face emotes a terrible rage and sadness. Next line it�s also he instead of his. So this was a twofer. On page 17 � 18 � A unconscious Muhammad. Again I think it�s An unconscious�

Thanks for catching these. Hopefully I'll have some time for a revision sooner rather than later and get them corrected.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley When Muhammad is begging for his life and says �God, please no� you should have West say something to the effect of �God�s not watching� or something. I don�t know it just seems like �Bye� is a little weak given the circumstances.

Yeah, I glanced over the scene again and agree. I'll have to mess around with the dialogue and find something better.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley Again another stellar episode that raises the bar and has me wondering how this comes out of you, sometimes I feel like I�m reading the work of a 65 year old war veteran who knows the raw side instead of the happy happy joy joy American portrait of war.

I guess it can all be traced back to research, which I do a lot of before writing anything down.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley I love the Sanders, Mack and West sub plots� They are something in Season 2 with new characters you should add more of because sub plots lighten the raw feel and make the episodes so much more than just a war story.

Some of these sub-plots are ending within the next few episodes, a few are just taking a break and new ones will be forming just in time for the second season.

Thanks again for the read.

-Zavier

Hello Zavier, I am here to read Expect No Mercy!!! I'll have a review for episode 1 up sometime within the next few days.

Sounds good, I look forward to your comments.  

-Zavier

"Judgment" Review Possible Spoilers.



I don’t enjoy seeing Mack this way but it gives a picture of what war can do to even the strongest and how they try to hold on if not for their Country but for sheer pride. That’s why I love war films; Enemy at the Gates has this scene where Commisar Danilov basically gives his life to flesh out the sniper so their sniper could kill him.

Powerful shit and unexpected as well which is why it’s so good.

And now we go to the basic training, when I said you should and you said you already have ha-ha.

On page 16 – 17 Hanson pulls reaches… Pulls shouldn’t be in there.

Same page – Also know as Diazepam – known as

Spelling errors on the word you’re because you spell it your which means something totally different.

Great ending and great lead-up, if you keep the quality this high you just might emerge as one of the better story tellers in SimplyScripts history. In fact only two guys come to mind that are ahead of you. One is George; the other is not on this website because he’s chasing the dream.

Without spoiling you mold drama and war so well but I feel that with the ending I know is coming, not just West but Season 2 and new faces it seems that you’re not even sure if you can end the war or just keep it open forever kind of like 24.

(P.S. Do you want me to wait on your revisions of the next episode or read what's posted?)

Thanks for another read. Spoilers ahead.
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Quoted from Old Time Wesley I don�t enjoy seeing Mack this way but it gives a picture of what war can do to even the strongest and how they try to hold on if not for their Country but for sheer pride.

The whole Mack thing was basically trying to keep the series true to the "no one is safe" mentality.
  

Quoted from Old Time Wesley And now we go to the basic training, when I said you should and you said you already have ha-ha.

The basic training scenes were actually the first thing I ever wrote for this series. The story and concept then went through a total revision and everything was changed. I kept this scene saved just in case and it ended up in this episode.  

Quoted from Old Time Wesley In fact only two guys come to mind that are ahead of you. One is George...

Yeah, I totally agree, now that I finally have finished the first installment of Fempiror.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley (P.S. Do you want me to wait on your revisions of the next episode or read what's posted?)

Yeah, go ahead and wait. It will be worth it.

-Zavier

Hey Zavier:  I wanted to read another one of these so it doesn't get completely buried by -- well, you know.  This is a powerful series that deserves more looks than it is getting, I think.

General Comment to Anybody:  This series would be a great way to kill some time during the lockdown, by the way.  You could do lots, lots worse.

Comments here are for the most recent episode, as I wanted to see what was up with you and the new guy.  This one, like the others I've read, is quality stuff that has very little "fat" to it.  I was also pleased to find the formatting up to snuff.

(SPOILERS)

*  Tell us where the bullet hit Saied. And do they really shoot at these guys?  Isn't there a risk of detonation?  And then you say he is "dying" -- but he isn't -- in fact, he remains capable of quite a bit of mayhem against some pretty tough guys given his "wounded" condition, I think.  All the more reason to let us know where this bullet strikes him.
*  Page 5:  Take away the (beat) from West.  You don't need it.  And another on page 6.  And on page 12!  Agh...stop it!  You use these very, very sparingly -- if you even use them at all -- and you probably shouldn't.  But the most annoying instances are when he isn't even talking at all.  If he isn't saying anything, then a "beat" in his dialogue has no meaning.
*  Haji-Jerky.  Funny -- and I don't even know what it means.
*  Page 10:  Don't cut West off.  What was he going to say?
*  I never sensed good things for Saied anyway, you know?
*  I like West's final line -- even if it did have one of those infernal beats.

I might have skipped a few episodes, but I can still see that this is maturing into something really great.  But I still have the same problem I had with earlier episodes, and that is that everybody surrounding West -- almost without exception -- meets some horrible end.  He is like a curse, this guy.  But I do sense that West was removed from his usual surroundings in this one, so maybe I am mistaken about that.  A little.

I do hope to dip back into these from time to time -- as time permits.  You are doing a good job.

And I am still waiting for that Halloween episode, by the way.

Thanks for the read Bert,  Possible Spoilers ahead
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Quoted from bert I wanted to read another one of these so it doesn't get completely buried by -- well, you know.

You mean, by the juggernaut of a series that is Starbuck Starr? lol

Quoted from bert This is a powerful series that deserves more looks than it is getting

This is basically my fault. School leaves little time for me to read other peoples work, so I am not really expecting any favors (reads). Hopefully this will all change this summer.

Quoted from bert *  Tell us where the bullet hit Saied. And do they really shoot at these guys?  Isn't there a risk of detonation?  And then you say he is "dying" -- but he isn't -- in fact, he remains capable of quite a bit of mayhem against some pretty tough guys given his "wounded" condition, I think.  All the more reason to let us know where this bullet strikes him.

A valid point, this will be included in the revision.

Quoted from bert *  Page 5:  Take away the (beat) from West.  You don't need it.  And another on page 6.  And on page 12!  Agh...stop it!  You use these very, very sparingly -- if you even use them at all -- and you probably shouldn't.  But the most annoying instances are when he isn't even talking at all.  If he isn't saying anything, then a "beat" in his dialogue has no meaning.

    ZAVIER
(beat)
I'll fix this.

Quoted from bert *  Haji-Jerky.  Funny -- and I don't even know what it means.

A nickname the Marines have for the remains of suicide bombers.

Quoted from bert But I still have the same problem I had with earlier episodes, and that is that everybody surrounding West -- almost without exception -- meets some horrible end.  He is like a curse, this guy.

I like this element of the series. No one is safe, but if you eventually get around to the previous episodes (3-6), you'll notice that a regular cast emerges.

Quoted from bert But I do sense that West was removed from his usual surroundings in this one, so maybe I am mistaken about that.  A little.

He was.

Quoted from bert And I am still waiting for that Halloween episode, by the way.

Thats the next one.

Thanks for the read Bert, I'll return the favor, but a few people are in front of you.

-Zavier

Quoted from Nixon Thanks for the read Bert, I'll return the favor, but a few people are in front of you.

Don't worry about it...I would rather you and Wesley spend your time on the highly anticipated sequel to "Stoned Patriots".

I love that concept.  Work on developing those characters and it might even become a franchise of sorts.

I liked it. It was quite hard to understand, though. But that's my bad, because the army isn't my area of expertise. But, it has some gripping plots. Good job.