I wasn't a big fan of this, it starts off pretty interestin when the two crim and mug are both on the trail of the same guy but i lost interest pretty quickly after their first confrontation. It reminded me of a cartoon of one upmanship like the ol donald duck vs mickey mouse encounters!
Big fan of that fox mask thought, made me chuckle just thinking about it!

Thanks for the read Barkman and Higgo (whose name reminds me of a Hippo for some funny reason)

Yeah this really has a very strong Loony tune cartoon vibe I guess.

Hey, man.

Returning the favor for you're notes on my post.

When reading this I couldn'y help but picture it as an awesome little clay-mation short. The kind of one where the characters don't really have dialogue, but use cave-man like dialect and noises to bring the point across. Would be really cool, I think.

It was a really easy read, with the short beats and quick action. A really lighthearted view on a not so lighthearted subject. Done well to find the humour in midnight robbery.

Write on, brother.

Tonka,

I have to say, I didn't really like this one. When reading it, I kept getting the image of silent Keaton tomfoolery, but badly done. It just felt too silly for my taste.

The opening description of Jack was fantastic, however. It's possible that the bar had been set too high after that.

6 pages just felt a little indulgent for what was essentially done in 30 seconds on Robocop 2. The scene where the mugger robs the little old lady, and then gets robbed and attacked by a couple of hookers. 'Crime Fight' reminded me of that amusing little skit, but it just went on, and on.

Sorry if that comes across really negative, as I think your writing is good, but the story here is just a little too silly.

Andrew

Thank you for the read.

Silliness seems to follow me everywhere I go when ever I write a short.

I dunno, I guess I must be bit of a silly Billy. But it's all fun.