SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 19th, 2024, 5:35am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  At Sea Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 17 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    At Sea  (currently 4326 views)
Don
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 5:53pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94
At Sea by Harriet B - Short, Drama - On a day trip to the beach, a couple's strainded relationship comes to an end. 1 pages - rtf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
michel
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 6:02pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1156
Posts Per Day
0.18
Interesting cruel story with nice images, concise, but bad FORMATTING....

Sorry. Polish your script before submit.

First script, isn't it?

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 23
dogglebe
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 6:32pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



The formatting does need some work, Harriet.  You dropped a lot of visuals into one pile, making it something of a difficult read.

The story, itself, isn't really strong enough to stand on its own.  I can understand the challenge of writing a one page script, but I don't think this one pulled it off.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 23
JonnyBoy
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 6:52pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
London, England
Posts
994
Posts Per Day
0.18
Gotta agree with the above, I'm afraid. The formatting is off, and the events just sort of...happen, since there's no time or reason for us to get emotionally involved in the events. By the end, do we care? Not really.

This is just TOO short. I've only read a couple of one-pagers before, and all of them suffer from the same basic problem: there just isn't really time to do anything. There's not even really time to raise questions or create conflict, let alone provide answers and resolution.

So a challenge, yes, but one you've failed to overcome.


Guess who's back? Back again?
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 23
LC
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 8:05pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7569
Posts Per Day
1.34
Harriet, I agree with Michel. For a one-page/no dialogue piece, I think you've succeeded in conveying some pretty nice images/conflict & domestic observations here.

In regard to page formatting (as others have noted) this refers to the way your screenplay is set out. Go to the Screenwriting discussion board, look at the screenwriting class section and the following links/sofware.

PROPER SCREENPLAY FORMAT

Scriptwriting Secrets - Thanks to jerdol

Various opinions on screenwriting format - Thanks to Dr. Mabuse

http://www.screenstyle.com/howtoforscre.html

http://www.blackscreenplays.com/formatting.htm

http://www.scriptologist.com/Magazine/Formatting/formatting.html

http://www.storysense.com/format.htm


Look forward to reading something else you may have.

Libby.

Looking at the links some may need to be updated. Also, screenwriting software available - (as others have mentioned elsewhere & correct me if I'm wrong) Movie Magic Screenwriter; Movie Outline; Final Draft; Celtx (latter is free) anyone else chime in if I've left something out.



Revision History (1 edits)
LC  -  May 26th, 2009, 8:27pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 23
Ledbetter
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I'm not sure I understand the theory behind a one page script? Is it to gain interest in a full script you are working on, or is it meant simply to provoke a thought?

Shawn.....><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 5 - 23
dogglebe
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 8:23pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



There is a bit of a challenge in writing one, Shawn.  You have to establish the characters and the situation (and resolve it) in a very short amount of space.  There are a couple of nice ones on the boards.  You just have to find them.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 6 - 23
Ledbetter
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Thanks Phil,
I might just try one.  See how it works. Have you done one?

Shawn.....><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 7 - 23
dogglebe
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 8:44pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I've done one or two.  One is from the Bad Penguin series.  The other is my PC vs Mac short.

I recommend that you read Pia's Dangerous World, instead.  It's the better script.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 8 - 23
Ledbetter
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Thanks,
You're right. That was a good example. It does seem like a challange to put so much into such a small box.

Shawn.....><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 9 - 23
Zack
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 9:04pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4479
Posts Per Day
0.69
Interesting tale Harriet. Not bad for a one pager. Formats a bit off, but that's an easy fix. Get a writing program. Celtex is free and easy.

I'm kinda curious as to what it was that slipped Hughes mind? Maybe expanding this a little would add more of a punch to the end.

2/5

~Zack~
Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 23
Baltis.
Posted: May 26th, 2009, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Strange...

Badly formated (in doc, as all badly formated scripts usually are)...

Lacking in depth, but to be expected for a 1 page short...

About it on my end.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 11 - 23
Colkurtz8
Posted: May 27th, 2009, 3:16am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
--> Over There
Posts
1731
Posts Per Day
0.31
Harriet

Regardles of the poor formatting I thought this was an good 1 pager. The tragic twist of fate (Hugh's heart attack) coupled with an intentional act (Anne leaving him) which will bring its own pain and heartache.

Id love to see how it would all pan out, an interesting premise you've got here. It craves expansion and further development though if its gonna go anywhere.

Col.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 23
michel
Posted: May 27th, 2009, 3:20am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1156
Posts Per Day
0.18
Furthermore, I think Anne's lines would be much better in V.O.

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 13 - 23
FDiogo
Posted: May 28th, 2009, 3:42am Report to Moderator
New


Location
Portugal
Posts
26
Posts Per Day
0.00
Great challenge, writing something in one page

I liked it though, besides the bad formating.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 23
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006