Nice! I liked this. Really easy to read and although I thought it was going that way it was still a satisfying ending for me.

Not sure what the line of description about Joe's office is meant to be there for though as we never actually see him in his office, so could be cut. No need to open that part with "Inside" either as we know that from the slugline. But I'm sure you know that and was probably only in there because of the limited timeframe to write it.

Good job!

Great work. This is nicely paced and fun to read. We can't help but to root for Joe given his circumstances. Nice twist at the end. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. I like how the dealer flipped the card over at the end of page 4, taking us to page 5 for the payoff. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it was pretty cool. I like the name Buck Calloway, by the way. My only suggestion would be to add some distant family for Joe, so if he loses, there's someone who will pay the price. Nice script.

Not bad at all. I third what Bert said about getting the call
before we know the outcome of his hand. Maybe even getting
the call once the cards are dealt. Buck couldn't give Joe the
"good" news then and there.  
Predictable in that I knew the diagnosis was wrong, but it didn't
take away from the story.
Good writing, nice ending and excellent choice of song.

This was crisply written and easy to read. I was delighted by the ending. I expected Joe Ferguson to win. I wondered if a character named OJ. Simpson was going to make an appearance.

I didn’t see the wrong diagnosis coming.

However, I was left with a question. What was causing his symptoms if not impending death?
Yes, I’m kidding.

Writer,

This was a fun read.  The writing flowed well, and the story kept me engaged. I liked your song choice.   It was very fitting to the story.  I wasn't expecting a good outcome,  so kudos for making it end that way.  Really nice work.

Writer,

My apologies I got late to this one. This is a good story for five measly pages. Writing style and tone was just right — I saw everything you wanted me to. I’m surprised Buck went back in, but I guess after everything he went through, he probably feels it’s his luckiest of days. Anyway, really good one here!

Steve

Thanks to everyone who read and commented on this script.  I greatly appreciate the kind words and especially for elevating this to the top of the OWC.  Feel very honored in the midst of so many great scripts.

I know several of you mentioned my blunder of saying “Joe’s Office”.  That was meant to say “Dr. Williston’s Office”, so complete whiff on my part!

After reading all the comments, I think the two things that I would change in a future rewrite is to provide a more coherent reason why he is doing this — in a five page short you don’t get a lot of opportunity at exposition, so I kind of skimmed over that.  But I think I would make some provision for where the money would go if he actually did win.

The second thing I would do is end it with the reader (and ultimately, the viewer of the film) not knowing whether he won or lost the hand.  I think it would be best to end it right after he gets the phone call and just let the camera end on him looking out over the fountains, deep in thought.  Let the viewer decide for themselves whether he won or lost.  

I’m thinking hard about turning this into a full-length script, but would need to figure out whether I can come up with enough of a plot to carry it out 90-95 pages.

Thanks again for all your wonderful comments!

Gary, are you familiar with Let It Ride (1989), the Richard Dreyfuss gambling comedy? I think that could be a fun touchstone when thinking about taking this feature-length. I thought of that while reading this and I think they both have a similar nice warm 'lucky' vibe.

Chris, thanks for the “tip”!  I’d heard of this film but never had seen it.  I’ll try to find it on streaming and give it a watch.  Thanks!

Quoted from Gary in Houston ... After reading all the comments, I think the two things that I would change in a future rewrite is to provide a more coherent reason why he is doing this — in a five page short you don’t get a lot of opportunity at exposition, so I kind of skimmed over that.  But I think I would make some provision for where the money would go if he actually did win.

Hmm, I kinda thought the reason is obvious, he has nothing to lose, go out with a bang etc. I presume you're thinking something specific so I won't harp on there.

Quoted from Gary in Houston The second thing I would do is end it with the reader (and ultimately, the viewer of the film) not knowing whether he won or lost the hand.  I think it would be best to end it right after he gets the phone call and just let the camera end on him looking out over the fountains, deep in thought.  Let the viewer decide for themselves whether he won or lost.

Okay, this particular viewer would hate that revised ending. This story is a crowd pleaser for obvious reasons and that's why it came out on top imho. Everyone loves a winner, and an underdog. Take that ending away and replace it with 'hmm, the ending is whatever you want it to be' and I would feel ripped off.

Quoted from Gary in Houston I’m thinking hard about turning this into a full-length script, but would need to figure out whether I can come up with enough of a plot to carry it out 90-95 pages.

I would start with what you have with the diagnosis - that gets an audience straight away.

Maybe take this the way of lottery winners (after he wins)  - you know those stories of people winning big, then blowing the lot. Maybe he's altruistic, (instead of buying up big for himself) he gives to good causes. But then there's always people wanting to jump on the bandwagon - friends and rels he hasn't heard from in years. Maybe prior to this his wife left him. Maybe none of  this matters to your guy cause afterall he thinks he's not going to be around anyway. So, when the diagnosis is reversed he's in somewhat of a pickle. Maybe he gambles again and loses. Or wins again - that's not unheard of.

The obvious arc might be that he realises it's not about the money at all. But the debate here is we all need enough money to survive.

You could even touch on the theme of gambling addiction.
Big problem here in Oz.

I think there's lots to mine here.
This has Steve Carell or Will Ferrell written all over it.

Anyway Gary, just my thoughts and ramblings.

It's called The Gambler... so, I'd explore the idea that the short represents your first act...what does the winning do to him? It makes him think he can't lose. So, he begins to gamble in every aspect of his life...which you already have in the short...he can't lose, that's why he's going to approach the woman.

And, for awhile, it works. (First half of second act.) Until it doesn't. (Midpoint maybe?)

But, he hangs onto the idea...slowly devolving, losing over and over but not accepting it...to the turn into three where he has an epiphany. (Maybe, "he's lost everything...what does he fight to get back? Family? Friends?) Big finish is the big win...sacrifices what he THOUGHT was important for what really IS important...

Just spitballing. I've seen you spin feature gold...so, you don't need any help.

I'm constantly reminded why I enjoyed this site so much, and it's because of helpful people like Libby and Paul with their constant support and great suggestions!  

I appreciate the insights -- you given me the impetus to begin jotting out an outline for a potential feature!

Now, if I could just have the script magically appear on my Final Draft...  

Quoted from Gary in Houston I'm constantly reminded why I enjoyed this site so much, and it's because of helpful people like Libby and Paul with their constant support and great suggestions!   I appreciate the insights -- you given me the impetus to begin jotting out an outline for a potential feature! Now, if I could just have the script magically appear on my Final Draft...

Anytime, man. You're the best. And, I'll always be grateful for your support (and for turning me on to this site.)

Key thing, I think, is to explore that question: What does the winning do to him? I gave the one suggestion up top, but there's many different directions you can take it. Turn that crazy brain of yours loose for awhile. (I DO like the initial reaction that you have in the script already.)

Let me know when you want eyes on pages!

Thanks again to Paul for reviewing this script and Don for posting the review.  Made some minor changes to it in response to some of the feedback.  Been working on an outline for a feature script based on this short which I hope will take place in 2024.