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The formatting does need some work, Harriet. You dropped a lot of visuals into one pile, making it something of a difficult read.
The story, itself, isn't really strong enough to stand on its own. I can understand the challenge of writing a one page script, but I don't think this one pulled it off.
Gotta agree with the above, I'm afraid. The formatting is off, and the events just sort of...happen, since there's no time or reason for us to get emotionally involved in the events. By the end, do we care? Not really.
This is just TOO short. I've only read a couple of one-pagers before, and all of them suffer from the same basic problem: there just isn't really time to do anything. There's not even really time to raise questions or create conflict, let alone provide answers and resolution.
So a challenge, yes, but one you've failed to overcome.
Harriet, I agree with Michel. For a one-page/no dialogue piece, I think you've succeeded in conveying some pretty nice images/conflict & domestic observations here.
In regard to page formatting (as others have noted) this refers to the way your screenplay is set out. Go to the Screenwriting discussion board, look at the screenwriting class section and the following links/sofware.
PROPER SCREENPLAY FORMAT
Scriptwriting Secrets - Thanks to jerdol
Various opinions on screenwriting format - Thanks to Dr. Mabuse
Look forward to reading something else you may have.
Libby.
Looking at the links some may need to be updated. Also, screenwriting software available - (as others have mentioned elsewhere & correct me if I'm wrong) Movie Magic Screenwriter; Movie Outline; Final Draft; Celtx (latter is free) anyone else chime in if I've left something out.
I'm not sure I understand the theory behind a one page script? Is it to gain interest in a full script you are working on, or is it meant simply to provoke a thought?
There is a bit of a challenge in writing one, Shawn. You have to establish the characters and the situation (and resolve it) in a very short amount of space. There are a couple of nice ones on the boards. You just have to find them.
Regardles of the poor formatting I thought this was an good 1 pager. The tragic twist of fate (Hugh's heart attack) coupled with an intentional act (Anne leaving him) which will bring its own pain and heartache.
Id love to see how it would all pan out, an interesting premise you've got here. It craves expansion and further development though if its gonna go anywhere.