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Like others, I read Great White first. At least here, I get why we call her Great White (i still hold my view that you should have called her Ms. White BTW) Unlike the previous script, this one has a fancy font on the title page. Not a good sign. First few narrative lines ALL CAPS. Not a good sign. Why does Cam Li get a name but SPANISH is "Spanish Woman" and CHINESE SCIENTIST is just that? Spanish even has a name tag on her coat. What is it? Why couldn't the CHINESE SCIENTIST be Toby Wong? (as in "Toby? Toby Wong. Toby Wong? Toby Wong. Toby Chung? Fucking Charlie Chan")
GREAT WHITE Ever seen Pulp Fiction? That scene in the car where Vincent Vega shoots Martin in the head...brains and blood splatter everywhere...almost...like an explosion
Looks like the writer hit a bump It's MARVIN.
Not as good as the previous one, my best guess is that it was all one script and you broke it up into two parts.
Ah hah. Great White... again? Hmmmm... I think someone's had an idea for a feature length, and is playing with it in chunks here.
Actually - I *might* be able to guess who wrote this, but we'll see in time, after the reveal...
Solid, decent writing. And I would be interested in seeing a longer script with Great White as the main anti-hero. As a stand alone, this one doesn't work as well as the first. IE: it's less self-contained...
Obviously a sister script of Great White. I think I liked the other one a little better. I liked her getting the kid off the elevator, though it seemed to go on too long. Then she releases a nerve agent, and it just seemed bizarre. Granted the other one wasn’t really explained much, but a mobster getting whacked is easier to get a handle on than a bio-attack.
Similar to the other one, this was good, but too limited in scope. Maybe a third script will pop up that tells me what in the heck is going on.
Ah, Great White strikes again, I hate to be a real mean stickler but honestly, this should have been DQd. The point of the OWC is to tell your story in 12 pages, you putting two entries with literally the same character and premise just doesn't make any sense at all. Either tell it in the designated page count, or don't tell it at all.
Now, this isn't saying to not submit two entries, it's just that having it be a follow-up or prequel or whatever it is just makes the whole challenge mute because of the page length. That is unless of course, this is written by different writers who are in on the ruse? Or the universe aligned to this specific moment and this is a total coincidence, on which I applaud you.
Unfortunately, I agree with Dustin, story did nothing for me, at least Great White wasn't as bitchy as she was before. Liked this one better than the other one.
Yep, all of the previous point noted and definitely drop the CAPS. Also, minor point... when talking on the radio, generally only police would use ten-codes (ten-four) or long-haul truckers in the US would say ten-four when talking on the citizens band (CB) radio.
This is such an intriguing story it seems like it could be part of a feature film. That Great White character is a role to die for. As a OWC I think this succeeds beautifully, it holds the reader's attention from start to finish and as cold as the opening page asides are, Great White is even cooler.