All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
I'll Be Seeing You by Gary Howell (Gary Howell) writing as Jimmy Durante - Short, Drama - A man vows to bring his wife home from a nursing home in the midst of a deadly pandemic. 5 pages - pdf format
Nice sweet and sad story well told. I don't have anything to complain about other than it moved too quickly at the end. Maybe you ran out of pages? Annie was wheeled out of the room and next he has the urn. You need something in between there, IMO.
. In the B.G., a TV announcer drones on about the latest COVID-19 news.
Not familiar with the B.G so I didn’t know what you were talking about.
The writing is really solid.
A poignant tale here. A string entry. Nice work.
If I had to make one change I would add multiple visits as his wife slowly fades away. I know you're limited in pages for this one - that is really just food for thought if you have a 2nd draft.
A heart breaking tale. Well written and grounded. Despite not knowing much about Henry, you present him with enough empathy and conviction that the details of his relationship with Annie are not needed.
The one thing that I would change would be the nurses rolling Annie away while Henry is singing. It came off as a bit melodramatic in an otherwise grounded story. Could be more effective if he shows up the next morning and she's gone, then you could pick up with him banging on the front door and talking with Joanna from there.
That being said, this is still a very solid entry. Nice work.
Yeah very sad, depressing, but I loved the story though. Everything’s working as far as I'm concerned. Can’t help but think this is coming from personal experience. Would certainly keep reading If it were longer. Nothing more I want to add. Great job.-A
Jeez, no happy endings or comedic great escapes here!
Just personal preference I suppose. I wanted him to get her outta there, and not just in an urn. So depressing. The same story is perfect for some wheelchair-escape physical comedy imho.
Well written. ...
Too many people dying in nursing homes at the moment and no visitors allowed, so resonant and topical for sure.
No comment on the writing, definitely competently written, and pulls at the heartstrings. I have a personal connection to his, living in the area where this piece is set, and having a relative in a facility at the moment.
Not much "unfolds" here, but it's sweet, poignant, and definitely hits home. Captures the suffering of not being able to see our loved ones. I think this thing has proved that video is not enough, and that we need human interaction to survive.
Love the title and the tie-in to Henry singing the song.
Wow, this was really sad, really tugged at the heart strings, especially with him singing to her from outside. Very heartbreaking.
My only complaint really is at the end, he gets that fateful phone call... then the next scene, he's bringing her home in an urn (very sad BTW). I'm not sure if this needed a scene in between or not... but I think just a longer, more drawn out transition. Maybe a FADE TO BLACK... then a FADE IN. Or something to show that a few days or so have passed (not necessarily a title card to indicate how much time has passed).
Really nice work, here.
PAGE 1:
Quoted Text
Henry pulls his beat up Cadillac into a parking spot. The facility looks like it’s seen better days as well.
Henry proceeds to the entrance, and tries to open the front door, but it’s locked. A sign in the middle of the door reads: “FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR RESIDENTS, NO VISITORS ALLOWED. NO EXCEPTIONS.”
Henry’s shoulders droop. He shuffles back to the car. He contemplates driving away, but then gets out and opens the trunk.
Just a nitpick -- I know there wasn't much time to revise/rewrite -- and this is probably just a personal preference in regards to the actual writing. But, to me, starting each new action block with "Henry" feels a little repetitive and robotic.
PAGE 4:
Quoted Text
Henry moves as quickly as his unsteady legs will take him to the front entrance. When he gets there, he POUNDS continuously on the glass door entrance.
Nicely done. This is a very moving piece. It was devastating to see the woman moved off as her husband sang outside. All the notes rang true with me. Very effective. You can feel good about this one.
Dear writer, thank you for sharing your story. I really enjoyed this one. Although the end was at some point quite clear did you cover it in such a lovely way. Great work, my friend. Keep on.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Hits the three "S's" hard. Sweet, sad, sentimental. Really plays into the issues that are arising at nursing homes during the pandemic and makes you hurt not only for Henry, but all the families that are having to deal with this type of situation all around the world.
Enjoyed this a great deal. If there's anything I would maybe have added, it would be some connection at the beginning to the song he sings later. So maybe he's shuts off the TV and turns on a stereo, and that song is playing, and it reminds him of Annie. Or maybe he sings it to her picture before he leaves the house to go see her.
Overall though, good job here. Best of luck.
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
Two nits: I'd recommend dropping the taking of the photo. It plays no role that I can see. And, I was thrown out of the story just a bit by the nurses and doctor basically ignoring him singing outside the window. It's a cold reaction that feels out of place. I think they'd actually roll her closer to the window for a moment, before taking her from the room. Which might even make a powerful moment even more powerful.
Good job.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
This was nicely written with good vivid descriptions.
It was quite moving – sentimental but with an authentic feel that stops it becoming mushy or saccharin. It has a believable air about it. Henry comes across as a likeable sort.
The line at the end where he says ‘I told you I’d bring you home’ seemed a bit off-note. It seems glib and almost a bit comic and out of keeping with the rest of the story. Maybe you could change this line or have him say it but then have him burst out crying in the car alone or something. Or he sings the song and chokes on the lines as he wells up.
Also, why did the woman take a picture of him? I thought this would be a plot point but it was ignored. Would agree that the nurses just rolling her out of the room came across as a bit unnecessarily cold.
The writing itself is very solid and it didn't drag or throw me off at any point.
I must say I didn't feel too much at the end, probably because I could sort of see where it was going. But that might be only because that type of story is just very real right now. I liked the fitting, sober tone of the writing, and the drama felt tangible (just the part where the nurses wordlessly wheel her out of the room seemed a bit movie-ish). So, while there were no surprises, I still found it compelling due to the writing and tone, and overall think this is well done!
Sis/Bro, this sinks like the Titanic – for me. You completely trashed the whole nursing home staff and completely destroyed our hero's integrity with that closing impression. The fine lines are just not precise enough in the whole picture. And I'm truly surprised because the first half was in top shape. Top shape. It's confusing to see how you buried that story.
I guess you wanted to express something which isn't successfully translated yet. Confusing decisions. You got it though. Then that...
So thanks to everyone for all your kind words and the great comments! Just a quick note about this script -- this basically came from the void in my life following the death of my wife Sarah in February in a hospice facility. Going there day after day was mentally and emotionally exhausting and I was just trying to capture something of that strain felt by people in that position.
There are some things in the script I wanted to address. The first is that the I meant to have Henry listening to that song, "I'll be seeing you", at his home, while he's looking at pictures of Annie, before he goes to the nursing facility. That gives him the idea later to sing to her.
The second is the picture someone takes of him singing. This probably should have been taken out. I originally had a longer script where someone takes a video of him singing, and it ends up on the news and he becomes a viral sensation. We've all seen those types of instances on the news and other social media. But the script started to run long and it didn't feel like it would have been keeping with the tone of the story, so I cut all that out and probably just forgot to cut that part of the picture taker out as well.
One other change I'd probably make is to have the nurses, instead of wheeling Annie out of the room, they wheel her over to the window, so Henry can sing directly to her, and then they wheel her out.
The last thing was that I noticed some people were jarred by him getting a call, and then the next scene was Henry bringing home an urn with Annie's ashes. I was trying to figure out a way to show a passage of time without adding a SUPER. Maybe I can show that he's now in a short sleeve shirt, the weather's nice, etc., which might indicate a passage of time, but effectively there's supposed to be about two to three weeks that have passed since he's gotten that phone call. I'll try to figure that out.
Anyway, thanks again -- and I appreciate Don coming up with this challenge. It was cathartic (in more ways than one) to get this written, and to have it so warmly received.
Sarah (always my biggest cheerleader), this one was for you -- love you now and forever.
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
I only know you casually from the OWCs and the general board. I read what you recently told about your life fully. I prayed for you all along the way. Cu
I don't like the opening Slug at all - so generic, tells us nothing.
Not thrilled with the "ROOM" in the 3rd Slug, either. We later find out it's actually Room 110.
You seem to have a habit of sometimes using a subject, and others, not. Sometimes, these subjectless lines can be attached to the prior sentence with a comma.
The end. Well, Gary, I read the thread and saw your post about writing this.
As I read the last few lines, tears actually came to my eyes, and to say it was touching, is an understatement of immense proportions.
What makes this work, is the singing, the choice of song, and of course, the end. Up until then, it doesn't do much, isn't written all that great, and is fairly straight forward, but the end...Oh man...it hits home very hard.