The Sensitive One by Fuzzy Dunlop - Driven to distraction, a man sets out to uncover the source of a mysterious sound only to find some noises are best ignored.  Short, Horror

Hmmm... not sure what I just read. It was hard to visualize a few things with the way they were written. And I'm probably just stupid, but if there was a twist, it went right over my head. I'll chock this up partially to me not "getting it".

-- Michael

So, are they trying to help him?? Like fix his brain? Or hurt him? So yeah...it's kinda confusing. I did like the imagery though. You did have me very interested, I just didn't understand the twist.

The writing is very good. It's strange and disorienting (in a good way). The only bad disorienting part is I'm not exactly sure what this other version of him represents. Is he a clone? Or a robot? Maybe I'm the only one not getting it, but I think it needs something more.

Hi Writer,

Well written but this one is lost on me. Going to need a bit of an explanation on this one at the end of the challenge. I think there was a twist, but for the life of me I have no idea what it was.

Sorry :/

All the best.

I think there could be something good here but it went over my head.

I'm thinking maybe he's connected to a droid or something? Really not sure.

Good luck.

This one feels too complicated for a 2-pager. Too many unanswered questions didn't leave a satisfying ending.

Different though, so kudos.

Dang it! I wish I understood this because it's actually written quite well. Robot or clone? Seems hi-tech but you'd think they'd have a better lab than the wood shop. I can't wait to hear what the writer says after voting. Well written but I think you needed another page.

The writing is muddled but it helps the story. Is the twist about some raw version of lobotomy been performed on Walt? I am not sure. But a nice read.

The writing is fine

The story didn't land for me

Robopatient! He will get his revenge on Angus Scrimm!

Feels like a part of a larger story. Could definitely be interesting if shot by a creative filmmaker. Nice work!

Writing is good for the most part, but I'm not sure I fully get it. Are they helping Walt? Or are they tricking him into thinking he is crazy?

Either way, it's pretty creative. Not a bad effort by any means.

Not sure what to make of this. It's well written and engaging but is there a bigger plot we're not seeing? Replacing a real Walt with a robot one? I didn't dislike it, it juts confused me a bit but the twist was solid.
Well done.

This is well written but the ending left me a little confused.

Perhaps it just need an extra page to smooth out the wrinkles.

Some kind of experiment in Augmented Reality, or AI type androids? The reveal of Walt seeing himself is unnerving, but if he’s some type of android, is he programmed to function under the belief he’s human? Seeing he reacts as a human would if they were in this type of predicament. Other than that, sorry, lost on this one, but the overall concept is surreal and interesting to consider as a bigger (script) project. Best of luck.

Ok writer,

Not bad, the writing is actually pretty good. What I would do is go back and try to simplfy things to make it more clearer, if that makes sense. I know, 2 pages doesn't leave you with much wiggle room. Best of Irish luck!

Definitely different from most of the others.  An interesting story and a fun twist at the end.  Enjoyed this one.  Good job.

So Walt is a telepathic robot? Very interesting script, but a couple of questions cropped up. Why is the original Walt being tortured? And why was Walt chosen to be replicated in the first place--what's so special about him?

Well written. I think Walt is a robot but it gets confusing when he goes to view himself in the shed and what exactly they are doing to him/them and why. Feels like there is a great idea here that needs more pages to become coherent.

I like the idea behind this. He thinks he's human but he's an android, maybe linked to his human counterpart. The only reason to keep the human bound and gagged in the shed is for the thriller aspect of it, and that's where this loses me a bit. The twist is effective nevertheless, and you did a good job of showing a glimpse of something bigger that still works in two pages.

I'm about halfway through. This is easily the most well-written I've read. It's really quite good.

The end is a bit confusing. If I had to commit to an interpretation, I'm not sure I could.

Still, even with some confusion, I REALLY like this one.

You should send this script to David Lynch.

Yessss this was awesome. Had some Twilight Zone vibes, and the idea still felt original.

Ngl, the script took me like 3 reads to understand, but after I slowed down a bit I could appreciate how well-written it was. Full of details, "blink and you'll miss it" kind of writing, good stuff.

One of my favorites, awesome stuff~

Writer,

Maybe I just wasn't as engaged with this one enough, but I kind of lost track of what wsa going on here a little. Sorry, but just not for me.

Steve

I had to read this one twice to get it, but admittedly after reading 12 scripts straight, my brain was getting a bit foggy. Good twist on this one. The part that tripped me up was actually the action lines in the POV shot. I think the Bound Man part mixed with my brain fog threw me for a bit. Good job.

Thanks all for taking the time to read and comment.  Bit of swing and a miss on this one as written but I’m encouraged enough to expand on the idea to satisfy some of the grey areas and give it another go.

Alas, I wish I had a plausible motive/intent behind it all but nothing substantial.  The basic idea was main Walt is indeed a robot/cyborg and they’re keep human Walt in the storage shed until the process is complete.  Robot Walt is wired too sensitively and therefore picking up real Walt’s suffering.  I was aiming for a nightmare logic - just the shock of Walt glimpsing ‘himself’ being dragged away in the shed and the reveal that all is not as it seems.  Work needed.

I had a notion that they were using care home patients as subjects for their experiments but that’s about it.  Crazy scientists/unethical science etc. That's all I have for the moment.

See you all in round two for my next poorly conceived idea...

Steve

I really like the premise and you shouldn't let this go to waste. Good stuff.