Reaching by Winston - A young soldier fights to overcome a previous traumatic experience.  Short, Thriller

That was well written. You put me right into the thick of the war and I felt the emotion, I just couldn't figure what was going on. Was (some) of these scenes these visions Thomas mentioned? Memories? Precognition? In the end, I couldn't piece it together, sorry.

Okay this was really great effort. The writing was good. You've got plenty of intrigue, emotion, powerful moments. But I couldn't put it all together. Wanted to cuz there's definitely something here. I think he's having visions of someone in the past that he never met but feels a connection to. Like they're linked or something.

And it leads him to make the right decision, sacrificing himself whereas this person in a past life failed to do so. It reminds of an episode of Buffy where a spirit is reliving an event they regret through people in the present day.

So, I really liked the premise of this one. Very imaginative.

However, you did make it more confusing then needed )more on that later)

Quoted Text EXT. FOXHOLE - WW2 – DAY

WW2 Is kind of an odd location since it covers everything from Japan to Europe – why not include a m ore spefific location?

Quoted Text THOMAS And the headache -- I’ve always had that. Long as I can remember.

I’m a bit confused. You open with Thomas in a VO.  No VO – is he talking to himself out loud here – because to my ear it sounds like a narrative.

Okay – got to page 3 – sees that he is talking to the Chaplin. I'd make that clearer here.

Quoted Text PASSENGER Stay in the vehicle! The Chaplain watches the Soldier run across the field.

You are adding some confusion by intermixing Passenger and Soldier – call them one or the other.

And now he is:

Quoted Text INJURED SOLDIER Somebody help me!

Again – pick one.

Other than the above - some nice writing on display. Clearly meets the parameters and it is an original take.

Writer,

  I like the fate aspect, the visions prepare him for what's to come, being brave enough to take action, save a fellow soldier and sacrifice himself in the process. Knowing he can face his worst fear, he can rest, that's what I'm taking from it. I think a little more clarity on what scenes are his visions and which are reality would help. It is well written though, just confusing. Good effort.

A nice telling of the horrors of war. The writing had its moments of strong emotions as well. The timeline was easy for me to follow so a really good job there. Overall, I liked this one.

Good luck.

Fine story about the eternal soldier. I think the scenes were very well ordered. And Thomas came off as believable and sympathetic character.

Wow, that was really good.

Imaginative use of the flashbacks/reincarnation angle, I got to like Thomas, cared for him even.

Great use of the distorted timeline, it actually added to the story which was great and was easy to follow. The ending was satisfying as well, the headaches have gone, he has been brave to make up for failures in a past life (or perceived failures in a past life)

My only gripe is the Chaplain is very quick to condemn this man to death and stop trying to save his life, wouldn't want him next to me. I would go more into what the Chaplain is doing (applying bandages, giving pain relief, applying pressure) rather than just being a bit like "Yeah looks like your gonna die so I'm gonna sit here"

Very good work.

Reaching, as in reaching through time and space. This is definitely a curious analysis of reincarnation, and the back and forth regarding injuries that seemingly persist through the aether of time. I’m wondering, however, if Thomas from WWII would have a limp, kind of a give and take through time of these men, somehow connected to each other via some thin gossamer of consciousness, that being WWII Thomas feels a consistent pain in his leg cause Thomas of today caught one in the leg. Just a thought.

I’ve always believed time is not truly linear in a sense (we just perceive it that way), but each successive moment in time holds a position of a particular dimensional frequency, and it (time) being infinite because the dimensions of space are infinite, making something like this plausible because you only have to tune your consciousness to a particular frequency to experience various dimensions of time itself.

Anyway, I vaguely remember a documentary about a 6-year-old boy (American I believe), who had visions of being a Russian Pilot who was shot down in WWII, including very detailed aspects of the war and his mission to assume he didn't just make it up, so… creepy but there appears to be a hint of truth to these strange matters. I like this for its other worldly aspects. Best of luck.

This is my favorite one so far. A tale of redemption, and a good one at that. Very emotional story, no issues following along at all.

The writing was crisp and clear the entire way through. I saw everything you wanted me to see.

Like how the ending scenes mirror each other. Really great work here. Curious to see who wrote this one.

I really liked this one, though not sure I got all of it.

Well written, some great action described and liked how you painted Thomas.

Very good effort

I liked this, very well written. But I'm not sure if I really understood it. He says the visions started when he was six. Yet, this doesn't really seem to fit in with the rest of the story. Maybe I just didn't get it, I don't know. But the rest of this was effective. Good work.

-- Michael

Well written and effective. It's an intriguing idea, regret and shame that transcends one life to affect a whole other lifetime. The time jumps help to hook and create a mystery, and the ending is paid off with an emotional beat.

It does feel rushed in places, but you packed a lot in to get it within the page limit. It could use another pass to improve the pace and give some moments room to breathe and even expand for even better effect.

Nicely done.

Okay...reread this and I understood better. I missed "present day" in the slug.

So reincarnation to redeem himself for not being brave enough to save Vince.  Okay.

This was very well written. Nice work.

I get this and I liked it. A redemption tale but with no happy ending. Writing could be a little clearer but so far my fave.
Well done.

Being a coward is one of the worst traits one can have in a movie. We are willing to follow a serial killer, but a coward appalls us.
A nice story about a coward who seeks redemption not through violence ala Coward of the County but through courage.
Well done!

As I've mentioned on some other scripts, the audience can't see the sluglines. Telling WW2 from the present day is easy, but "earlier in the same day" requires a SUPER or some other on-screen hint. Maybe make Thomas's injuries obvious in the aftermath scenes, and obviously absent in the temporally-prior scenes.

Confusing switch from PASSENGER to INJURED SOLDIER. May be best to give him a generic name like CORPORAL.

I liked this use of the nonlinear storytelling.

Good job!

That was pretty cool. Think about it, a story like that can only be told in a non-linear structure. Well done.

Pretty clever. Thomas is reminiscent of Johnny in SK's The Dead Zone, for me at least. Not a bad thing.

As with a few of these the atmosphere is very cleverly laid out to evoke dread.
Nice when one line of description jumps out and you clearly visualise :

Blood stains dot the Chaplain’s flak jacket.

Not just that line...
This was beautifully written to evoke the place and the action.
Whew! Made an impression for sure.

Some of it's confusing. Did he get to change the course of events, save Vince's life after all? Or are they alternate timelines?

Doesn't matter. It got me, regardless.
As Christopher implied, (Heroes are a dime a dozen) a coward's story is very real and interesting, especially if the character can be redeemed.

V.Nice work.

Reincarnation - a good way to work in a non-linear structure.

Might need something in that opening scene to better highlight the WW2 setting and better distinguish it from the present day scenes.

Not a big fan of the title.  Feels a bit like a placeholder.

The visions starting at the age of six threw me off.  At first I thought it was WW2 Thomas talking about the visions - not present day. Maybe a problem on the page rather than the screen but something that you might able to work in a little more clarity on.

Nicely done.  Simple and effective and well contained within the page count.  Almost wonder if the final foxhole scene where we discover the truth about Thomas leaving Vince to die would be better re-worked as the final scene? If you want that darker tone…

Not much to say. I enjoyed the read.  Good work.