All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
I don’t know what a “Trolley Problem” is, either, but I sure don’t want to run into it. I really liked Snakehead’s unhinged persona. The passengers don’t seem particularly surprised at the sudden downturn in their fortunes, which says a lot about the times they’re living in. And the AI driver’s polite adherence to the rules regardless of consequences to the passengers is a nice touch. The dark, menacing atmosphere of this story was well done.
Hey there Autonomous Anonymous (sounds like a Flight of the Chonchords rap name, nice),
Yep, nope, maybe? I think you’re gonna struggle here. First off, the writing was sound, you know your way about a script and it was an easy read. However...
One thing I’ve spotted already with others, and this falls prey to it again, is that I don’t think this is a horror and instead it strikes me as a Judge Dredd style dystopian future shock action script. So that’s a big issue right there.
The characters seemed pretty shallow too. Build into them, give them motive and reason, right now it’s just some bad guy with a gun who’s driving towards the goal of sexual assault...is there more than that? I think there has to be, personally speaking, as it simply didn’t engage if that was all there was.
Anyway, broke the parameters IMO, and needed greater drive in story and character.
Automated trolley and an unhinged gangster who isn't used to dealing with technology like that. Neat concept.
Things escalate quickly, of course. The other characters are just window dressing, unfortunately. Maybe this was a rushed last minute entry, but a bit more time spent to develop them would really add a lot to this. Especially given how it ends.
Everything hinges on that ending, but it isn't set up quite well enough. I already see some people didn't get it, and it's forgivable. The mother is the only one in a position to realize what's about to happen but it should start with maybe a sensation of acceleration, a corner taken too quickly, maybe Snakehead even warning the trolley to keep the jostling down.
I don't get the "Trolley Problem" either. Are the trolleys known to sometimes crash and kill everyone? Why are they still in use then? Or is it that nobody's heard of any trolley problems, as if to say their deaths will be covered up? It's a weird hard line that doesn't make sense to me. Is this the automaton's way of eliminating problems with the system? Kill the innocent along with the problem passengers? That seems like a stretch, I can't figure out that motivation.
A criminal wants to rape a girl. But the AI calls the police. However, upon realizing that the criminal can kill innocents, the AI takes a dumb (or evil) decision to let him rape that girl by giving him some privacy and then.... what? Is it going to crash? Or the AI has called another vehicle that will crash into this trolley and it'll look like an accident.
DRIVER (O.S.) Have you ever heard of Trolley Problem?
Agree with what's been said here, very well written, an out-of-the-box idea and certainly not like anything else in the competition. More CLOCKWORK ORANGE than anything which is good. I too though was confused in spots and didn't really get the ending. With a couple more pages to spare for the competition, I think there was an opportunity to expound on some details.
Weird tale on the ol’ night train to hell, or something. I think the AI driver is a little more unstable than Snakehead himself, and really couldn’t give a shit about humans, just that the trolley remains under its control.
A quick read with a morbid outcome, albeit somewhat confusing to someone who has never ridden a Philadelphia “Night Owl” trolley, as in: “red end-of-line lights rush right up to the trolley”. Not sure what happened there, but… I enjoyed the ride.
Story: This went off the rails quickly (okay, pun intended). I like the idea of a cyber-operated trolley that interacts with the passengers, and I think you almost pulled off the story, but it does feel like something is missing from the overall story, and some clarifications are needed, like, why does the computer driver decide to go back to the status quo? Because the snakehead threatened to shoot his way out? So instead the computer elects to just crash the trolley, killing everyone on board? And why does the computer tell the mom it will ensure a worse outcome if she hits the emergency brake? What could be worse than killing everyone on board by deliberately crashing the trolley? I think you had a good idea, you just need to harness it. You had three more pages to explore the situation, I think you should have taken advantage of it.
Characters: All pretty well written, no complaints there.
Dialogue: It’s not too bad. Some of it on the nose but for the most part it was fine.
Writing: Again, I think you bailed too soon on it. You had something going and I think you just didn’t have time to fully develop the ending. Overall not bad on the writing itself.
Meeting the challenge: It’s got elements of sci-fi but no real horror, other than an arm getting blasted. Not sure the challenge is really met.
An utterly mediocre writer who somehow still falls bass ackwards into getting some of his scripts produced.