SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 19th, 2019, 8:40am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
Final Standings

Round Five (5) Standings Posted

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  Glass Rain - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Glass Rain - OWC  (currently 4621 views)
Posted: October 16th, 2010, 10:36pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Glass Rain by Julio Weigend (reaper creeper) - Short, Horror - A brother's been fatally mutated due to his sister's dabbling into the occult. What is to be done? - pdf, format

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: October 16th, 2010, 11:17pm Report to Moderator
Guest User

This is the third or fourth script I read where one of the characters was just a mindless prop.  Not sure if I like this trend...

This was a good read, one that would benefit from a rewrite and tightening.  Your characters were simple enough, yet developed.  The story read more like a tragic tale involving the supernatural than horror, but it was good.

e-mail Reply: 1 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 12:53am Report to Moderator
Guest User

I liked it.  Very strange.  Surreal.  A truly tragic situation.  

Good job.
e-mail Reply: 2 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 1:15am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Oh Hi

San Diego, California
Posts Per Day

This was a good read.  Very vivid and haunting imagery as well as finely tuned characters for such a small piece (and pretty deep considering the length).  Pretty emotionally charged piece too, which is also very challenging for such a short page count, but that also, I think, makes this one all the more solid.

Good story and good work.


Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 4:03am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Down Under
Posts Per Day
Nice work, Julio. This is probaly the script with the purest horror in it (well, unless you count Cornie's cucumbers..)

I loved the imagery of the glass rain; even in the dialogue it evoked this awesome visual effect. The writing is very economical without losing any imaginative power for the reader.

One thing you might consider: the log mentions the occult has been responsible for the tragic events - i would perhaps have more detail into the actual 'spell' or invocation. Just MHO though...

Well done again!


Private Message Reply: 4 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 4:54am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Posts Per Day

I like your writing style.  Sparse and straightforward, with very few unnecessary words.  Extremely vivid.  

I'm glad you mentioned the occult in your logline, otherwise I would have had no clue what happened to David.  Unless I'm wrong, you deliberately kept things a little murky to leave the reader to fill in the details.  I have no problems with that.  But, I do wish you could have dropped a few more hints about this occult angle.    The mortar and pestle thing.  And how and why David's sister got into it.  I also found Blake's role in the story a bit confusing.

This was an unusual, esoteric take on the challenge.  Well done.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 6:06am Report to Moderator
Been around a while

Posts Per Day
Hi Julio, well done with the script - the characters seemed really well developed and you managed to pack a fair amount of believable emotion into such a short page count.  I also really liked the whole idea of the glass rain - very creative!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 34
c m hall
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 8:54am Report to Moderator
Been around a while

peninsula of Jersey
Posts Per Day
I think the story development is excellent and the horror element is vivid, but I wasn't clear about what the original purpose of Carrie's concoction was -- the way it's described seems more intense than "dabbling".
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 9:07am Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day

Liked the style. Lots. King of the one word action line. Story was good though the end confused me.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 34
Electric Dreamer
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 11:03am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

Los Angeles
Posts Per Day

Congrats on completing the one week challenge!
I have to say this is one of my favorites so far that I have read.
I like the title, the action moves well and your description is economical and effective.
Your imagery here is strong and you touch on all the contest requirements.

Glass Rain would be even better with a rewrite.
Its unclear what happened with David, if not for the occult reference in your logline.
I want more of a connection with the trio. Was David close to the pair?
It seems Blake didn't really have any opinion about David, missed drama there.

The end did not measure up with the rest of your superior story.
The pair separate and she tries to make things right on her own.
Lovers in conflict, a dark and story night with a gun. It needs more.

That being said, this is a very solid effort! Thanks for the read!



CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
Private Message Reply: 9 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 1:18pm Report to Moderator
Guest User

One thing I gotta say is I wish you'd have spaced this out a bit more.  When I read a script I like to see spaces between scene headers.  It just makes for a more comfortable read.  You weren't in jeopardy of going over page length, as this one came in at 7 total pages -- 1 for title and another that is just blank... So I'd go back and re-space it at some point.

Anyways, your writing, and this is a shock to me because so many entries are so well written, is very good.  Distinctive and clever.  You can visualize everything that's going down and that's good.

I think Phil is right, as usual, with having a wasted character who does nothing but serve as filler.  

You got a word missing on page 6

"She tries laugh again"  should have "TO" before it.  No big deal.

I think, and another said this too, this was an emotionally driven piece.  I think the 1st 4 pages have a lot of depth to them.  The probelms exchanged and the comfort displayed is written without compare.  Very good.

e-mail Reply: 10 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Posts Per Day
You nailed it. Nothing really wrong here. All the errors I can see are what others have pointed out- one missing word. I also agree that a little white space never hurts. Everything else is top notch. I liked the mood, the style. Good job.

"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss :
The Art!
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 11 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 2:45pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while

Posts Per Day

This was good. Very vivid. Am I the only one, who wishes you'd have used the extra pages? A little more exposition would have been nice.

All in all, a very well written script, that lived up to the challenge. Bloody quick read.

One of the best.

Nice one.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 2:49pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


New York
Posts Per Day
Hey Julio,


Tragic end. I love. Quick, good read. Good characters. Mentioning and explaining the title within the story kind of cheesy in my opinion. But other that, nice entry.

Hope this helps,
Site Private Message Reply: 13 - 34
Posted: October 17th, 2010, 6:42pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Posts Per Day
Wow, you guys, thanks for reading. I really wasn't expecting such overwhelmingly good comments. That being said, the criticisms you've all provided are spot on.

Phil -- I understand what you're saying. I did try, several times, to give David more character, but I felt like nothing really "clicked" within the confines of the exercise. In the end, I figured showing his state after the incident would have been more powerful. But you are correct -- in retrospect, I should have fleshed him out a bit more.

Screenrider & Greg -- Yeah, as Phil first mentioned, the story does have a strong tragic element to it. I didn't want it to overshadow the Horror though -- still not sure if I succeeded or failed in that area!

Stevie -- I did consider going more in-depth about the effects of the witchcraftand how it was done. It really wasn't a "spell" in the sword and sorcery sense of the word -- it was an alchemical formula, hence the visquous liquid. Occult, but not "necessarily" magical. The only reason I didn't go into it so much is because I know fuck - all about witchcraft, so I felt in the back of my mind that anything I came up with would have ended up sounding rather hokey.

Thanks for the kind words, Ryan (*SPOILERS*); Blake was meant to be the kind of guy who would have gone to great lengths to help his girlfriend, but that doesn't mean he'd be able to still love her after what she'd done to David, so he bailed after the thing was done with.

SteveUK, CMHall, and Grademan -- wow! Thank you for the compliments. And CM, don't most movies almost always portray "dabbling", as in even just scraping the surface of the occult, to be disastruous? I didn't think it was a big deal.

Electric -- Thanks for the read. I agree with you. Of all my OWC scripts, this is truly the one I feel would benefit from both a rewrite and an extension.

Balt -- Believe it or not, I am the exact same way! I always like to see two spaces between scenes! I'm picky like that, haha. I was just trying a new screenwriting program which I've not entirely gotten the hang of yet. It's called "Script It," kind of like the "lite" version of Movie Outline (a good program in and of itself). I've been using Celtx and Sophocles for a while, but I am forced to exploit Sophocles's trial version due to its website no longer being active to download the full version! I'm saving my money up for either Final Draft or Movie Magic to hopefully buy one of the "definitive" industry-standard programs in the future.And thanks for pointing out all those typos. Sometimes the smallest things like that are the hardest ones to spot.

Thank you for reading Malcolm, Darren, and Ripley.  Haha, and I know what you mean Rip; I only mentioned it in dialogue because I actually had the exact same dream mentioned in the script once, and when I mentioned it to my sister she stared at me like: o_0

Thanks for reading, everybody!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 34
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    October, 2010 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006