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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  Hand Jobs Are Easy - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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Don
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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Administrator


So, what are you writing?

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Hand Jobs Are Easy by 0 - Short, Light Yet Mature Comedy - A gang of supers help Madame Mayor save her city from Nymphites. 4 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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irish eyes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:55pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Wow that was beautiful, bring a tear to a glass eye.

Sex and violence... Saving the town by fucking them to death... awesome, where is this town?


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StevenClark
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 12:59pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

This was cute. I chuckled at a few lines. Hard to tell who the real protagonist is here. This seemed more of an ensemble piece! Decent job, and funny in some areas but overall nothing that makes it stand apart.

Steve


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Equinox
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:13pm Report to Moderator
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Don't know what to say about this one. Read the title and the logline and knew I wouldn't like it. Read the script and my guess proved to be true.


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khamanna
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:18pm Report to Moderator
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I thought it was very funny. I kind of appreciated the romance in this too - very subtly put by the way.
And it's funny all through.

Thanks for the entertainment!
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Hmmm...I don't get it, really.  I did read the whole thing, though.

Obviously, there are many attempts at humor and there are various super heroes...but I didn't laugh at all and I didn't see any super feats being accomplished by these so called super heroes.

Didn't work for me, but some may find some funnies here.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Wes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:10pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed the read. Had a few chuckles. But in the end it feels like it's trying not to be porn. Sort of straddling the fence.


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stevie
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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Had real potential but fizzled out in the end. And I think the writer ran out of time and/or inspiration too.

3 laughs out of 10


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cbead
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 7:16pm Report to Moderator
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https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

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Didn't really work for me. Some witty lines there but a bit too OTT and immature humour for my liking. But would appeal to a certain audience I suppose.


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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:52pm Report to Moderator
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Didn't work for me. Period. I got bored with it fast. but what was I really expecting from that title? Something clean? Of course not. But by page 3 i was starting to yawn. F bombs, sex jokes. Is that all there is to a fire?

i need a nice warm shower to clean off the dirt.

>


Also, Thor is a Marvel comics character - was there something wrong with giving this character a suggestive name as well?



"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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Cam Gray
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 12:06am Report to Moderator
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Not really sure what to make of this one. The conversations and interactions work, there's superheroes in it, but just didn't laugh that much. It's really a lot of banter and innuendo, good read but not enough comedy


23 Mu Muís in an ice cream van...
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DanC
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:34am Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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I didn't really laugh either.  It was okay.  I am gonna guess that Dustin did this one.  I guess right last time.  Lets see if I go 2 for 2...

It could have been really funny.  But, it just didn't work for me.  But, it was an easy read and it went by fast.  Kinda like a lot of orgasms in the script, I'd guess...

And the story seemed like a joke, again, instead of a story.

5/10

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Trojan
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:55am Report to Moderator
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Seems like it was written in a rush and I found it more weird than funny. Didn't really do much for me.
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:02am Report to Moderator
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This is a perfect porno script. Hot adult superstars, terrible acting and this script would make for something so bad it would be awesome!

As for the challenge it fits the parameters (apart from using Thor, but there were other original superheroes so I think thatís OK) but itís mainly talking heads and didnít do much for me, apart from making me do a superhero search on Pornhub!

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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IamGlenn
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 10:51am Report to Moderator
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:)

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0,

What just happened? No idea, but I feel quite violated and dirty after that read. Thanks, I guess.

(No idea what was going on)

Glenn.


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