Quoted from leitskev Some good stuff here. Let me see if I got the story straight. The child is missing. The husband is in custody but not talking. The child turns out to be dead and within the chest. He directs the mother to him with the toys. Then suggests she kill herself to join him. So they can play. Do I have that correct? I key prop is the knife. Would she pick up a knife just because the toy directed her to the cellar? It almost feels convenient...but maybe it's ok. Could this be done without Justin's sudden VO? Maybe that's fine. I guess it's the only way. Unless a toy said it. Well done. Maybe explore some different ways to play with the ending and the mother killing herself to join her son. But well done.

Yes, basically, that's what I see it as. (Though, I definitely wanted some abiguity.)

I would say, the boy just wants to play. The mother must decide whether killing herself is the way to do it. But, that's a nit. (And, I DO see the mother killing herself.)

As I said, I did leave it open to another interpretation: the mother hates the father for some unknown reason, and framed him for a murder she committed. But, she can't handle what she did, and is attempting to forget. Unfortunately, she can't handle it, and today is the day she cracks.

I like the first. But, don't mind if others prefer the second.

As for the knife... I agree. But, she IS going into a basement, led by a toy car, controlled by someone or something else. So, I think she'd be just a bit apprehensive, even if she's pretty sure it's her dead son leading her. (But, I might be fooling myself because I need it to be so.)

Thanks for the comments!

Quoted from PKCardinal Yes, basically, that's what I see it as. (Though, I definitely wanted some abiguity.) I would say, the boy just wants to play. The mother must decide whether killing herself is the way to do it. But, that's a nit. (And, I DO see the mother killing herself.) As I said, I did leave it open to another interpretation: the mother hates the father for some unknown reason, and framed him for a murder she committed. But, she can't handle what she did, and is attempting to forget. Unfortunately, she can't handle it, and today is the day she cracks. I like the first. But, don't mind if others prefer the second. As for the knife... I agree. But, she IS going into a basement, led by a toy car, controlled by someone or something else. So, I think she'd be just a bit apprehensive, even if she's pretty sure it's her dead son leading her. (But, I might be fooling myself because I need it to be so.) Thanks for the comments!

Yes, exactly as I saw it...both, or either way, which is a good thing!

I toyed with the idea of the mother being the murderer, but then the toy leading her to the body wouldn't make sense, unless she had repressed the memory. She would know where the body is.

Come to think of it, wouldn't the police have found the chest? If I remember, there was kind of a hidden room.

How could the father construct a hidden room and the mother not know it?

Details to work out I guess.

For those interested... I've completed a rewrite to address many of the notes. I believe the script is stronger as a result... so, thanks to all who helped.

It'll be posting on the site soon under a new title: PLAYING CARS

Basically, I lean into the ambiguity even harder. Trimmed the end scene. Fixed the confusing opening slug. And, yes, addressed the mini-slugs/time issue.

If I did my job correctly, it should now read consistent with either parent being the killer. Up to the audience to decide which is true. (I definitely know what I think. And, I think the script shows it... but, if you disagree... you're welcome to do so!)

Still 5 pages... so, if anybody's looking for a one-day shoot...

Also, latest logline: "A young boy wants to play cars with his mommy. The only problem? He's dead."

Optioned this one yesterday. I'll post any updates here. It's the second time I've optioned it, but the first never went anywhere.

Quoted from PKCardinal Optioned this one yesterday. I'll post any updates here. It's the second time I've optioned it, but the first never went anywhere.

Killing it!