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Drank by Anonymous - Short, Horror - Kate who awaken tied up in a barn after drinking too much at a party, has no other choice but to play an evil game to save her three best friends. - pdf format
I'm not sure what the 1.A thing is in the slugs. Never seen it before. 4 pages in and the dialogue isn't great. It's clunky and friends don't really talk that way.
This one wasn't for me. Plenty of grammatical and formatting issues. The story never took off. The game didn't come with much consequences and it was a rip off of the Saw movies. Was pretty preachy too.
The title page will have some throwing a fit. It doesn’t bother me but it is not standard to do this.
Numbering scenes aren’t the norm for spec scripts but again, I’m not going to knock any points off for stuff like that.
Opening actions are quite detailed and wet!
There’s a spacing issue between characters and special character like ? and ! – did you use Word to format this?
Page 4 and no sign of a vehicle yet.
Page 5 – no vehicle and no sign of any horror either.
THE VOICE needs a V.O.
I got to the end. No vehicle at all. There was some suspense with the alcohol test but I’d argue this was more thriller than horror.
I suspect the writer is fairly new to writing screenplays so no problem with the formatting issues and well done for having a go at this challenge, but it doesn’t tick the boxes for me.
-Mark
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Sort of a twist from SAWS and other bondage horror flicks. But not oriented around a vehicle as the OWC stated. Could work it into a longer script, I suppose.
Title page is a no-no. I think the most you can get away with these days is a nice font and/or colorful background but images, especially poor ones, I'd avoid.
Formatting is not standard.
This looks to me like you found an old random shooting script laying around and submitted it just for the hell of it.
I'd suggest dropping the scene numbering. Fix the odd spacing !
Also, many instances of the ing's. That is: "is staring". Should be: She stares. It's a small thing, but a big thing. Suggest you fix all.
The story never really hit for me. Sorry.
(If you actually tried to match the challenge parameters, I'd give you more of a review effort.)
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The underlining and numbering of the slugs isn't doing you any favours.
I think you completely missed the point of the challenge. I'm all about thinking outside the box, but this is so far out that it's forgotten what the box even looked like.
Title Page - Some will hate it, some may like it. You spent time on it, and I hope it shows in what follows.
Oh boy...which is not the case. I'm out before I even finish Page 1. Slugs wrong, passages not properly written, bloated, loads of mistakes on every line.
I skimmed ahead and see that there isn't a single scene in a vehicle. Maybe I missed it?
Sorry, but there's a look of a script that's very apparent right from the get go, and the look here is such that I'm not even going to begin.
I'll go on record stating that fancy covers do not annoy me as long as the script delivers the goods.
And, hey, "...four wet girlfriends partying" certainly begins things on the right track -- you would think Dreamscale would approve!
But then this evolves into something fairly generic that involves alcohol and partying but (oddly) no vehicles whatsoever. Then we get "Saw" and a singularly glorious line of dialogue: "So, you like drinking until you fall down?" (Again, how is Dreamscale not down with this script?) Then we switch gears yet again into the oddest PSA I've ever seen.
I cannot say I hated this script -- but I am not sure I am liking it for the correct reasons. I hope the author takes advantage of the learning opportunities that come (for free!) with participating in the OWC. Read the scripts and comments, and best of luck with future efforts.
Title page not sure about but okay, it's arresting for sure!
Not sure what software you are using or what template but you won't find another script in this OWC that has scene headings formatted like this - for good reason, looks awful... a TV template maybe?
Michelle nods to say no. - people normally shake their head.
Formattig, punctuation is distracting.
It's inconceivable if he doesn't make a move. - I don't think it means what you think it means
two condom guys - what?
Okay, no idea what I just read but it has nothing whatsoever to do with the OWC.
Kinda liked the question and answers scene though - funny!
A quote attributed to Samuel Goldwyn (among others) is "If you want to send a message call Western Union." If you're going to preach, at least do it within the structure of a challenge's parameters. This script belongs at an AA meeting not this OWC.