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I also think a proper reveal of exactly why Ruby had attempted suicide would have connected us much more to her character, as well as Henry. Just a little “shrimp on the barbie” for thought. Overall it was pretty good. Congrats on winning the challenge - well deserved!!
Steve, I really didn’t want to make this about 'why', that would have been really dark, I mean why do people decide to commit suicide? This was about a shared human experience of being that low that suicide is an option. The 'why' maters less than the fact that they have been in the same headspace. I think adding the 'why' is a different story I didn’t set out to tell.
Just read this and can say that both of your scripts worked fine with me, Warren. Your guidance of the reader on the page and also the connection that your characters build with the audience, both works very well in your scripts.
So, congrats for your deserved mug!
Fwiw, I felt that a little active beat concerning their scars/mental issue topic, that actually threatens them during the script (live), would even enlarge the 'love in difficult circumstance' expression. In a sense, the bigger the contrast between their problems and their won happiness, the more of an impact there is.
Reading over this again I noticed a lot of clever little touches, Warren.
Quite artfully put together - my fav, the comment on com -- (comedy) being subjective. Little nod to the challenge discussion prior - how much com defines a RomCom? Made me chuckle.
Little nod/inspiration also from Stonehearst Asylum? If you haven't seen it you should catch it. Then you'll know what I mean.
Stonehearst Asylum SPOILER
Thanks for taking another look, Libby. I did watch it, but awhile ago so I'm not sure of the nod/inspiration you're talking about. Patients posing as doctors is the simplest one?
It's definitely something I work quiet hard on with all my scripts, the subtext, the meaning, the way they are 'put togeather'. Sometimes people see that, sometimes people just see the story as it reads from fade in to fade out, as long as they enjoy it I'm happy
Hey Warren. Figured I'd take a look at this, seeing as you took a mug away for it. Congrats on that. I believe this was a tough challenge.
Not much to say from me. I didn't find it particularly funny on a personal front; the humor is a bit broad for me (subjective, of course, but I try to offer a personal take per review as I figure the writer will be curious). On a craft front, though, it's solid. The jokes are clever, benefit from their simplicity, and are consistent across the board. They even drive the plot forward, which I've found to be the trickiest balance writing comedy.
Not much to gripe about. You sorta gloss over a lot of information cutting forward in the cafeteria scene, but the page parameters are tight, so I don't blame you. I do kinda buy the sense that a lot's happened during the time they've been talking and it's realistic that it would, so I suppose it's effective. Same goes for Ruby's arc at the end. Of course, it's a little rushed and would benefit from more wiggle room page-wise, but it works. I appreciate the presence of such an arc in such a small space of time regardless.
You made good use of the challenge criteria as far as the props. I've tried to rate hard on this front in the sense of how much I think writers challenged themselves (of course I can't know that for sure, and I can't really judge cuz I didn't enter, but I try to be a little tough so as to be substantive). Good use of "something red." It felt thoughtful and earned, not like a deliberate cheat and/or lazy.
Nice setting/subject matter, especially in the context of a rom/com. Good for you going against type a little. I like a little weight and melancholy in my art/entertainment as a general principle. There're always exceptions, of course, but I do appreciate it. I think comedy in particular benefits from a little darkness.
A tight, pragmatic, and overall solid entry. Certainly one of the entries I've enjoyed more. I think you've earned your mug. Good job.