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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April, 2009 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Down Under
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Don
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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Down Under by Panagiotis Dedes - Short, Drama - Nicole Kidman reveals a secret in an ABC Primetime special edition.  John Quinones and his crew film the family picnic, which turns out to be much more than they bargained for.  - pdf, format


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mcornetto
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 7:56pm Report to Moderator
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Well ok, that was amusing.  It was fairly well written, though it did get a bit slow in parts. It could have been much shorter and you would have gotten the point across.  I loved that his right hand girl was called Shelia and all the other Aussie-isms.  I'm not sure I would call it a drama because it seemed more like a spoof, but it was close. Interestingly done.
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Murphy
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 8:21pm Report to Moderator
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Bit stupid really, not that funny.

What is it with this fascination with Nicole Kidman? I thought we had more imagination on these boards.

I never saw a picnic, so not sure what was going on there. And the secret was revealed nowhere near a sandwich or BBQ.
You have a script in Australia and no shrimps on the barbie?

It was okay, a good idea maybe but you missed the mark somewhat, it was too long and you milked a small joke for all it was worth.

A miss I am afraid.

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Murphy  -  April 12th, 2009, 9:41pm
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Shelton
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 9:35pm Report to Moderator
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I agree with the others that this was longer than it needed to be, but that wasn't my biggest problem with it.  That would go to the Nicole Kidman usage.

Looked like somebody tried to jump on the bandwagon of what's hip and cool to talk about on SS, except that it wasn't all that great to talk about to begin with.  It was just a stupid comment from a troll.  Nowhere near the level of the Tanuki.

I figured out where the story was going pretty much right away, but in the end the execution was okay.  I wondered where Hugh Jackman and Paul Hogan were in all of this though, and despite the setting, I don't believe the writer is an Aussie.

No complaints about the writing, really, just that there was a little bit too much of it (got close to being dull a couple times) and you ended quite abruptly without so much as a "Fade Out" or "The End".

Decent.


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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 9:57pm Report to Moderator
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I think that these scripts that don't take the competition the least bit seriously, are just bad news.

It takes a lot of time to read each of these scripts, and there are 30 in this competition, which means most people wont be able to read them all.

Scripts like this take reviews away from people who actually tried hard with the rules of the competition, and that really peeves me.

I didnt read this one, and I'd encourage others to do the same.

Sorry to be harsh, but I'm just really a bit ticked off.


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Lakewood
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 10:12pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Higgonaitor
I think that these scripts that don't take the competition the least bit seriously, are just bad news.


At least with the others they've been short.  This one is a full twelve pages of someone masturbating like a monkey without an opposable thumb.

EDIT

Edited because TommyP told me to grow up.  Actually, itís not an edit because Iím just appending.

I read the first page and posted about the monkeys.  Now, Iíve read the script.

Itís painfully repetitious.  Oh, Nicole is spacey and we keep playing the same beat. Technically, itís variations on the same beat but thereís no real escalation.  You want to spend half of your story in a holding pattern?  Sheís weird.  The news crew comments.  If you want to keep me reading you have to offer something clever or new each time you cut back and I'm not talking about a lizard or a dragonfly.

But if the writer wants to keep the thing intact then maybe he should just do a montage using John live, scenes on the truckís playback monitor, etc..  The dialogue is all direct speak (meaning the writer has no tonal variation) and most of it could be lost without effecting the plot.

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Lakewood  -  April 12th, 2009, 11:23pm
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Tommyp
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 10:33pm Report to Moderator
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Continuity Is For Pussies...

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Quoted from Higgonaitor
I didnt read this one, and I'd encourage others to do the same.

Sorry to be harsh, but I'm just really a bit ticked off.


You peeve and tick me off!!! How can you tell other people to not read this script? AND when you haven't even read it yourself!! Come on man!

I liked this one. Well written. Drama was there. As well as comedy. Bit light on the picnic side of things though.

It could be any celebrity... why are you having a go at it being Nikki?

Lakewood... I don't know what to say. Grow up mate.

P.S. I did not write this and don't know who did.


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steven8
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 10:45pm Report to Moderator
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I liked it.  I Like the X-Files, and this has a X-Files kind of bent to it.  No doubt that Sparklingdiamond has Nicole on everyone's mind, and maybe old Sparks even wrote this.  No idea, but I thought it played out very well.  The dialogue was good, and the pacing seemed right to me.  I really didn't see it coming until right when it happened.  I got that catch in stomach!  Well done.
.

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steven8  -  April 12th, 2009, 11:32pm
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MBCgirl
Posted: April 13th, 2009, 12:22am Report to Moderator
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I kind of agree with Cornetto, that it was a little more like a spoof...but having read a few of the others with many basic writing mistakes, this one is at least well written.

In the beginning it got my interest, as I wanted to find out what was going on with Kidman...in the center it ran a little slow...and ended with an alien slant.  Hmmm...Nikki with a tongue!  )

I did find it to be funny and I have to give the writer props for at least writing something interesting and different (with the use of real people).  I also think who ever wrote this had to do a bit of backgrond work and I like to see that...so the writer gets brownie points for that from me.

I'm a little bit put off by a comment above telling people not to read this when they confessed to not reading it...yet are bashing it...I think that is rubbish-trash talking for sure. It's one thing to write an honest review and quite another to just talk trash.

A few have said it was too long...so I am a little confused, as I thought it was supposed to be a 12 page entry for this OWC.  (Personal side note -That's essentially why I didn't participate this time, as my new job has been pretty taxing here of late.   If I'd known I could write a 3 pager and have it count, I would have    Sorry now that I didn't.)

Over all...to wrap it up, good writing, spoofy and creative...


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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 13th, 2009, 12:28am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MBCgirl

I'm a little bit put off by a comment above telling people not to read this when they confessed to not reading it...yet are bashing it...I think that is rubbish-trash talking for sure. It's one thing to write an honest review and quite another to just talk trash.


I said nothing bad about this script.  i in no way trashed it.  I simply said that I won't read it, as I think the people who took the contest more seriously are more deserving of my advice.  I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

If you want to read it, go ahead, I'm not forcing people to not read it.  I'm simply sharing my plan, which I think is valid.

Thats all.


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cloroxmartini
Posted: April 13th, 2009, 12:31am Report to Moderator
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interesting; MEN IN BLACK kind of thing. found it slow at times. for me, the punch line didn't fit the set up since the punch line was so over the top.

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Cam17
Posted: April 13th, 2009, 1:04am Report to Moderator
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Pretty pedestrian script.  You really didn't need Kidman, Schrieber or any of the celebs in it at all if your secret was about the girl being an alien.  You should have created your own characters for that.  The well known names were simply distracting to the story.

The whole Tom Cruise weirdo thing has pretty much been done to death.  So, there's no laughs in this script for me.  Formatting and grammar was decent.  Way too long, you could have done this story in eight pages or less, I think.


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seamus19382
Posted: April 13th, 2009, 1:56pm Report to Moderator
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Wait a minute!  Could this be true?  Nicole Kidman is only 37?  I always though she was older.  

As was said, too much of a one note joke.  The wierdness should have been varied a little.

And John John Quinones would never say fu**ing!
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steven8
Posted: April 13th, 2009, 8:08pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from seamus19382
Wait a minute!  Could this be true?  Nicole Kidman is only 37?  I always though she was older.  

As was said, too much of a one note joke.  The wierdness should have been varied a little.

And John John Quinones would never say fu**ing!


Well it was set in 2005, so she was 37 then.  That is accurate, as was born in 1967 per IMDB, so she'd be 43 now.  Depend on when her birthday is, and what time of year this script took place.  If my math is working correctly.
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 13th, 2009, 8:34pm Report to Moderator
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She's 41 now...born in June.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.

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