The reverse therapy story was a good choice, but I think it would've been more effective if Rethussalambo had been introduced sooner, since Therapist is really just the mouthpiece. And Reth's long speech on page 4 is boring. Maybe if Therapist and Reth are working at cross-purposes  would be funnier. Therapist keeps reverting to his old habit of trying to do good, while Reth keeps pushing hate.

This was a good bit of world-building, but there wasn't any real movement in the story... this read more like the introductory scene of a story which could be a better take on the Ferengi do-unto-others-before-they-do-unto-you dystopia. If this was to be a self-contained story, we'd need to see the couple struggle against the demon's influence, even if they ultimately fail.

Better tension with some back-and-forth as they fall under his sway and come back to their senses... out of sync with one another. I just don't see a way to paint a picture of this world and have a man-vs-society struggle in five pages.

The world and characters are goofy which gets credit as an attempt at comedy, and the horror is more atmospheric than gory. Probably closer to black comedy than horror-comedy, but fusion is hard and the writer made a serious attempt here. I like the pace of the world-building here... a lot of "Did I read that right?" which should translate to "Did I hear that right?" for an audience, followed by an "Ah, that's what's happening" without leaving the reader hanging. But... and this is a big but... it consumed too much of the five pages. Like I said, as written (without the couple struggling on-screen), this is more like an intro to the world than a story set in that world.

Gutsy attempt, kudos for that.

Code In the middle of the night, a THERAPIST watches porn on his computer on his desk.

This is awkwardly written and reads as though the Therapist is sitting on the desk. It doesn't actually specify sitting, I suppose he could be standing on it too. We also can't just know it's the middle of the night because you tell us so. It must be visually pointed out or specified in dialogue somehow.

Code There's a loud knock at the door.

Passive. This is also a comedy... maybe the loud knock on the door makes him prematurely ejaculate and he has to wipe it all away before the customer comes in.

Code A young woman named TABITHA, and her boyfriend, BRANDON...

No description that helps reveal who they are as people. The visual here is very poor. What type of young people am I meant to see?


The dialogue is good and the writing improves once you get into the flow. I didn't like this but I didn't not like it either. It's pretty decent just because it flips things on its head, which is always good for at least a smile or two.. The Bobblehead thing didn't work very well in this story and actually harms it, hence you turning it into a demon. You were clearly uncomfortable with that aspect of the challenge and it shows.

"You daft bitch"? I hope that goes someplace... It went someplace, alright. Curious what others will say about this one. I didn't care for it much. It tried way too hard to be something and I'm not sure what. Not very horrific and not sure that plain silliness counts as humor. But it does register humor. What does the title have to do with the story? Must have missed that. The therapist was the only character that I remotely connected with, otherwise, they were just kind of present.

The 'daft bitch' thing is clearly due to they being in a world where evil and being horrible is the norm. Calling her a 'daft bitch' is a term of endearment in this world.

It's pretty obvious to me.


That's the comedy situation... imagine a world where... That makes it a comedy on its own. Couple that with the fact that we are in a world where horror is normal... we have the horror aspect covered.