Tucker & Doctor Daleman vs. Crazy by The one that flew over the cuckoo's nest - A man seeking help with his mental state leaves the doctor's office with more than he could have hoped for; a somewhat different hobby. 5 pages - Short, Horror, Comedy

I enjoyed it for what it was.

The writing is mostly strong. Just a few missteps along the way.

Like most of these stories, it was kind of 'empty'. A one note gag, with set up, then a punchline at the end which was the expected one.

I didn't laugh, so it played like straight horror for me, just with a very light tone.

Hello writer

Your software is aligning the title page awkwardly - No biggie, just sayin'

OK - read it through without taking a note - that is a good sign.

The writing is pretty solid - Too overwritten for my liking but I think this falls into personal preference.

Some may be expecting too much from the comedy genre in this tourny - Very rarely reading a script do I laugh - in fact, I think I have done it once - Scripts don't need to make me laugh to be a comedy, they just need a humerous tone - which this one has.
You had to tone down the horror to fit the comedy element I suppose, possibly it has been toned down too much - but the criteria has been met for my scoring.

The title for this is awful IMHO

The story was alright - it wasn't anything groundbreaking, no twists and turns - a simple linear story - but the criteria and page count make it hard for any of these stories to be anything else. It's a simple story told well. I'm not sure how memorable it woould be though.

Overall - good entry

I liked this one. Enjoyed the concept. The comedy has potential, but at this early stage needs sharpening. We can see the ending coming, but I don't think that's a problem. Dr Daleman's character is where he needs to be for comedy, his dialog just needs to be made to stand out just a tad more. But for a weekend's work, it lays the foundation very well.

Title Page alignment is off.

The title itself is pretty bad, and that's not a good way to go into a read, sorry to say.

And, we have another one that is very hard to review...and score.  Let's see here...

Story - As with most, not really a story here at all.  More than 20% of this script is a TV ad, and a Flashback - and the Flashback isn't properly written, as the 2nd scene doesn't show that it's still a Flashback - the problem being that you included Flashback in the opening Slug, as apposed to simply beginning and ending a Flashback with it's own lines.  What's left isn't a story, IMO, just a couple of scenes spliced together, for a comedic end or punchline, with a horror or black comedy tilt.

Characters - Well, I have to say I'm happy to see another big busted secretary, and the Doctor is rather funny, but the main character, Tucker, is very flat.

Dialogue - Again, the doctor is funny, but the vast amount of the dialogue is throwaway.

Prose - I see a good writer here with a solid voice.  There are some hiccups here and there and as mentioned earlier, learn how to format Flashbacks, but overall, pretty solid.

Criteria - Bobbleheads are present and withe end reveal, well used.  There's really no horror here, but I definitely see black comedy, and I'm going to let this one pass this category...but just barely.

Yep this one is the other way.  All horror and no comedy. Some droll lines of dialogue don't make it a comedy.

But a very good horror piece - if slightly tropey - and well written.

May lose points for not being a fusion

The whole script is off center.  I think it has something to do with your margin settings in your software.

Anyway, that was different.  It started out as a straight comedy with a weird character, then some pathos for his past experiences at home, then straight out horror at the end. And definitely an interesting choice you made on how to use the bobble head.  Not sure how that advertisement passed the censors, but there you go.

A pretty decent story here, although you went from feeling something for ole Tucker to kind of being repulsed by him.  I think most of the humor here is visual, as opposed to one-liners being tossed about.

A pretty good job overall.

Best of luck,
Gary

This had a nice flow to it. A few typos to clean up, but no big deal there.

High creep factor for sure. I mean... an ACTUAL human bobblehead? Ew.

No surprises. Another script where the Dr. bites the dust. Given the parameters, it's understandable so many of us finished in the same place.

But, the world was different, and kudos for that.

The first patient didn't add much to the script. Just a bobble handoff. Could probably cut that and not lose anything. But, it didn't interfere with the flow, so you wouldn't have to.

Nicely done. Probably one of the higher scores I'll give.

Is the software misaligning things on this one?

There's the odd error here and there and I think the bobbleheads are shoehorned in, but...

I kinda liked it... there was definite attempts at humour and it ended with a nice horrific image.

Decent effort.

Very nice.

The ending feels somewhat rushed. Or maybe it's the proportions of the beginning middle and end that doesn't sound right. The beginnig was too long and so is the middle. All of it compared to the ending.
Other than that - very good little script. Horrific. Not sure about the comedic element of it though.

I don’t see this as having comedy.  More like a drama/horror.  I do like the ending.  Nicely tied everything together.  I almost felt like the bobbleheads wouldn’t really feature until that ending.  As red necks aren’t really in the UK, I assume cheque should be check.

Excellent.

Hi Writer,

One of the best entries I've read so far. Really creepy. I see the hand of a good horror writer here.

There's more horror than comedy, but it has its moments.

The setup and the flashback are great IMO - you tell a lot with very little, giving us a peek into the psyche and backstory of this weird main character.

I expected the ending, but I liked the visuals of it. Nice touch.

Story-wise, it is what it is. At five pages and given the parameters... we can't ask for much more.

Well done!
David

Tucker & Doctor Daleman Vs. Crazy

P1 terms like 'idiot box', many of this metaphorical kind of writing, reads as if you want to show stylistic writing, which isn't needed and distracts from the plot.

Well, not bad, although I see the therapist office not as an integral part (it's not even the main location) nor do I see any comedy here. The bobblehead also didn't fit to the whole stuffed animals theme… hmmm which is rather understandable. It was too far off from the challenge for me.

I see what you were going for with the nod to "Tucker & Dale vs. Evil" and it's not a terrible attempt, but it doesn't quite work. The lines themselves are okay, it's the actions that should be more comedic. For example, throwing a dead cat across the room could be funny if it's prompted right, but randomly out of nowhere isn't funny, it's offputting.

You nailed the characters and the dialogue is really good. You got the tone right, and I enjoyed knowing where it was going, even the reason why there were so many bobbleheads in the office, and the ending did not disappoint. The visual was beyond my expectations. Great job.