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Hello Andy. Love the photo. Very cute. I've been meaning to read this for some time, but I always end up getting drawn to the "darker" stuff. That's just me. But your kind words for "Someplace" motivated me to get off my you-know-what and check this out. I avoided the previous posts prior to reading, so pardon any repeat advice.
It's been years (...and years) since I last saw this film, but your wonderful little story here brought the characters right back. Even after all this time, I knew who was who right away. Here are some specifics for ya' (that contain SPOILERS):
* Your opening is very sweet. Are the seagulls after Chunk's sandwich? It's not clear, but if they aren't, they should be, and he should struggle with the birds more for comic effect. * While I avoided previous posts, I couldn't help but catch some of the banter between you and Phil about the Bachelor party in the paper.Now look. Goonies is a fantasy story. You've got treasure chests and trains and Sloth as a social worker or something -- and suddenly Phil's disbelief kicks in with a newspaper article?? I say don't worry about it. If putting an announcement in the paper helps you move the story, go right ahead. I don't think anybody else will notice. * Pg. 12: You maybe need a little dialogue (just a bit) to establish the Uncle relationship (a show don't tell thing). * typo on 46 "...he's ties up." * Pg. 71: I don't think Data should cry. He might not be defiant here, exactly, but personally, I don't think tears in the face of danger is appropriate for any of the Goonies. * Pg. 73 or so: I smiled when the girls were teasing Chunk. That's always a good sign as far as the characters are concerned. * Around page 89: Once your action sequence started, I simply stopped taking notes, scrolling through the pages as they just flew by. This section works wonderfully. * typo on 120 "...make she you keep her." * Final scenes over credits: I would not have Mouth belching. It seems out of place, but if you must keep it, move it so it does not immediately proceed the passionate kiss between Mouth and Stef. It kind of ruins it, particularly since its the very last thing we see.
What a great job, and your affection for these characters really shows. And such a nice break from the bloody stuff I usually gravitate towards. Actually, reading this made me want to go back and see Goonies again, which was probably your intent
But your kind words for "Someplace" motivated me to get off my you-know-what and check this out.
- Awe, thank you. I genuinely loved it and I gave it to someone else at work to read too and she totally loved it. We both said how simple and original it was and were so suprised that it's not been done yet - go get it copywritten and produce it before someone else does!
* Pg. 71: I don't think Data should cry. He might not be defiant here, exactly, but personally, I don't think tears in the face of danger is appropriate for any of the Goonies.
- I never looked at it like that actually. Interesting. I felt though that as an adult, he'd crack under the pressure with all the emotions building up to the wedding and all. Good point though, I'll stop being so damn girly, lol!
* Final scenes over credits: I would not have Mouth belching. It seems out of place, but if you must keep it, move it so it does not immediately proceed the passionate kiss between Mouth and Stef. It kind of ruins it, particularly since its the very last thing we see.
- I was pushing for toilet humour here, but I see where you are coming from. I had an ex who was rather impressed with his belches which inspired me and we always laughed at it too. I thought I might get that reaction here, but thanks for your input.
Actually, reading this made me want to go back and see Goonies again, which was probably your intent
- YAY!! Woohoo! If you do get to watch it anytime soon, I will feel extra special!
Bert, thank you so much for taking the time to read it and more so I am so glad that you liked it!!! It always means a lot to me to have feedback but more importantly knowing that I didn't do too much of a bad job tarnishing the original in anyway.
Great job on the script Andy! I think that my favorite part of it is the fact that you really nailed the stories settings. The descriptioins of the Astoria are perfect. I think that bringing in the original characters is the perfect pretense to the sequel (if it ever happens). I love the dialect between the Fratelli's as well. Overall I think that this is a great setup for the sequel. I personally enjoyed your script, and look forward to seeing what you come with next!
"You know what? I don't think I care for you rationale." - Clerks
Thank you so much for reading my script! I am so happy it was read one more time before I go travelling on Monday.
Glad you liked the characters and dialogue too. Now, I must add, I have nothing against midgets... even before I wrote "House of Fun"!!!! Yep, my first go at a script, and I think I've learnt quite a bit on here too since, so plan to polish this up when I get back.
Yeah I was nervous! Not that many people read fanfiction, nor do they admit to enjoying the Goonies either, as shocking as it sounds But feedback such as yours, totally made the nerves worth it!
Once again, thanks for taking the time to read it and I am glad I made you chuckle at least once!!
I have been planning to read this for ages but I was waiting until I had another chance to see the original movie. A friend of mine has it on order so I'll watch it before I post a review. I'm not ashamed to admit that The Goonies was my favourite movie as a kid although I haven't seen it for well over a decade. All I remember is the truffle-shuffle and a few choice lines from Sloth.
Anyway, I'll get to this as soon as I can. I figure I owe you several reads as it is.
Look at Andy go! Still getting reads on her story.
That should clue you in to the fact that this is a fine piece of work, Ms.Petrou. Your hard work and affection for these characters really comes through in this piece. You will not be disappointed, D.S. Granted, it's not my usual cup of tea, but I really enjoyed it nevertheless.
You will be missed, Andy (for a while, anyways). Be safe.
Wow, all you guys are too good to me, thanks so much
Bert, really, I am touched by your comments. What can I say? Perhaps there are more fans of the movie here than we all thought?! Or my chat-up line under my pirate pic works, lol!!
Martin, if you do get a chance to read it before Monday, that would be great to get your take on it too, seeing as how it was your favourite childhood movie. Should you read it in my absence, you can also read this thread below, where I met some of the cast at my event. (Enjoy the movie btw, I know you will) Plus you can download the videos of it all, and get to see what some of them look like now while I am interviewing them (Chunk, Mikey and Mr Perkins to be exact) -