Thanks Pia...I'm already shakin' in my boots.  My eyes aren't that good, so go easy on them sockets...please.

Actually, I'm looking very forward to this.  I've been trying to shop this, but am having great difficulty getting anyone who matters to read it, much like George has said in the past.

I've spent a shiteload of time on this, and hope that it's error free..for the most part.  I've had a few reviewers tell me that there are instances of "it's" and its" being misplaced.  I've reread it several times and can't find where the Heck they are.  Those buggers are sneaky for sure!

If you see them, spray them for me with some bug zapper, and let me know the page they lurk on.  I'll get 'em, damnit!!!!!!!

Hope you enjoy and your feedback is so much appreciated.

You know it bud.  I hope you engage in the "Script Club III" discussion.  Any and all feedback is so much appreciated.

Hope you enjoy the ride...or read...

Quoted from Dreamscale Danny and Carlie are in for a lot more than just skiing, the weekend after Christmas, in Durango, Colorado.  The white of the falling snow won’t be the only color they’ll see.

Well, since you are so delightfully eager for the process to begin, maybe we should start by ripping a bit on this logline.

I get nothing from this.

I assume you mean a bit of red, yes.  Or perhaps the dreaded yellow snow?  Either way, I am not compelled here, D.S.

You do not have to give everything away, of course, but you have elected to give nothing away.  

In order to draw in the readers, you will need to drop a few hints about the mayhem to come, and the struggles they will face.

For all we know, they might be taking a side trip to shop for new linens.

I kid, of course.  A bit.

OK.  Let it begin.

Bert...I obvioulsy am giving nothing away.  I absolutely HATE loglines, sluglines, etc.  It's so hard for me to give a throwaway tag on a 2 hour movie.  I purposely didn't want to give anyhting away, as you will find that there are many elements of mystery involved in this script.  Just give the setting and main characters a shout out, and what willl come to play.

Sorry, but I really believe that this tagline is the weakest element of my script.  We'll obviously see if that's true.  Actually, I'm looking for help in the tag line and hopefully, you, along with the others can help.

I've tried for months to come up with a better synopis, but...this is the best I can throw out there for you.

Just give it a real chance, and I really belive you won't be complaining by the end.

Quoted from Dreamscale Tag line - Danny and Carlie are in for a lot more than just skiing, the weekend after Christmas, in Durango, Colorado.  The white of the falling snow won’t be the only color they’ll see.

Berts right.  This logline could be for either the horror script you've written or a bi-racial porno.

Hopefully there's a big difference between the two.

Heres some things you might want to include:

The age of the characters, the relationship of the characters, whether or not there is a killer, whether or not that killer is human.  Are the characters professional skiers, or novices just on vacation.

Also, you'll want to include what makes your script special as right now, all we have is two character names, a location, and that people (probably)  die.  I would much rather read a script with a log line that had two characters, a location, the fact that people die, and the fact that the people who die all die based on some strange equation the killer has.

That way I'm thinking "ooh!  Whats the equation?  How does the killer choose!?"

As opposed to "Oh, so this is just a slasher that happens at a ski resort."

Get what I'm trying to say?

Also, obviously we'll be able to help a lot more after we read the script.

Oh my...it really has begun, hasn't it?

First of all, this isn't in any way, a "slasher' script.  It's actually, as I hope you all will soon see, a very different, and unique take on the "tried and true" horror movie.

I've had many different sluglines over the last year, and I decided that it was best to give nothing away, and stay as generic as possible.  In a way, I really am happy with this "no detail" slug.  I understand completely why you guys are already attacking it, but you've just got to be cool...mellow out...and read on when it's up.

As I said earlier, this is by far the weakest element of my script (IMO).  It really is. The less you know up front, the better. Trust me.

OK?  C'mon guys, give me a frickin' break here!

Quoted from Dreamscale C'mon guys, give me a frickin' break here!

Sorry, but no.  And it is far too early to begin whining anyways.

If you want people to "tune in", you will have to do better than, "Just read it...take my word that it is really good."

With all the stuff around here?  Very seldom will I begin reading something without a compelling logline.

How do you select your reads...hm?

Quoted from Dreamscale First of all, this isn't in any way, a "slasher' script.

Oh, so you feel that is an important point?

So did I when I wrote "Farm".  My logline for that is by no means stellar, but check it out.  I give very few details, but when you read the logline, you (hopefully) say, "Oh.  Not a slasher."

It can be done.

Ghost story?  Monster?  Psycho killer?  Cannibals?  Snow pirates? Aliens?  Yeti?  Torture porn?  You gasp and say, "My story is NOT a torture porn?"  I say it sure sounds like it could be "Wolf Creek" on skis.

You gotta let us know what's up in the logline.

All -- and I mean all -- that I know here are two people go skiing and see some color other than white.  What does that even mean?

Your tagline can give hints about "seeing red" -- I am still only assuming it is red, btw -- but your logline is a one-sentence SYNOPSIS of the story.  You ain't got a synopsis by a long shot.

Now, I need to go on record as disagreeing a bit with Higgs.  Their age and if they ski professionally is not what I am talking about here, and would likely constitute more detail than a logline requires.

The essential elemets of your story need to be there so we can decide whether or not it is the type of story that appeals to us.    

Quoted from Dreamscale The less you know up front, the better. Trust me.

No.  I do not trust you.  I do not trust anybody.  I trust a killer logline, and that is what makes me open a file and read.  

I seem to recall one of your posts complaining how hard it was for you to get anyone to look at this script.  This, surely, is part of the problem.

I'll be up for this one. Been a bit busy as of late with moving house. All sorted now.

Oh, I see we have choice. Dreamscale, hmm. I see this is going to be interesting if it isn't already, elle Oh elle.

Loglines and titles are important. It's like the trailer for a script. More so than that the premise/genre is the promise to the audience.
If your stories is as good as you say, or in general if you have a good story/script, your job when it comes to the logline is to not blow it. And from what I can tell you've blown it. I can't wait to read the story, and other than if it's incoherent, theres should be a better logline lying around in there somewehere. My first task after reading will be to find it.


I realize i'm reaching for the best here but... title, tag, premise

Alien

In space no one can here you scream

A mining ship, investigating a suspected SOS, lands on a distant planet. The crew discovers some strange creatures and investigates.


Are you going to put it up? When?

Quoted from bert Now, I need to go on record as disagreeing a bit with Higgs.  Their age and if they ski professionally is not what I am talking about here, and would likely constitute more detail than a logline requires.

Whether or not they ski professionally is probably going to be to much info, but I think age is important.

Are they an elderly couple? Are they high school students?  Are they grade school students visiting grandparents?

Then again, the assumption being made is that they are a college age couple.  If this is close enough to the truth, then you don't need to add anything.  If they are 80, you probably should.

Same goes for professional skiing. We assume they aren't.  if they are, and that is a big part in the movie, you should tell us that.

Also, if it's a horror and you metion a couple and (probably) red snow, I assume slasher.  if it's not a slasher (which according to you it's not) you should find a way to let us know.

The discussion and link to the script can be found here

Sorry to let everyone down with my logline.  I've never heard so much discussion over a logline.  As I said before, it obviously needs help, but I don't feel it's that bad.

I guess I'll keep out of this stuff while the discussion starts up in Script Club III.  I will respond to any reviews on the main post however.

Hope you guys enjoy.

Since SC III seems to be winding down...

I think it's been going pretty good so far and the authors have got some really awesome feedback. I'm wondering if anyone would be up for another one? I would offer up my baby mummy piece, but we've had enough horror scripts for a while I think.  

I do have another suggestion though if you guys are up to it.

What do you think?  

We could go for the baby mummy, if you want.  That's a short though, isn't it?

Quoted from mcornetto We could go for the baby mummy, if you want.  That's a short though, isn't it?

...no.... it's 92 pages at the moment!!  

I have another suggestion though if we want to do this again. Something completely different!!