While most of you have probably stopped reading it by now, an actual, workable idea has emerged from the bloated and overblown "breaking the rules" thread.

Something akin to a book club -- where anyone who is interested would read a selected script during some given week -- then gather on a specific thread to discuss the relative merits and shortcomings of that story with the rest of those who have read the script.

It would be chattier than the normal review thread, and seems to hold a lot of potential to generate some interesting discussions.

It also sounds instructive, and would certainly be valuable to the author.

Would anybody be interested in a trial version of this?

I am not sure how the script will be selected, but I would recommend an active member who deserves more return reads than they have been getting.

I have a short list of about 2-3 authors I would float out there for consideration if  this seems to be something people would be interested in trying.

Yeah, that monstrous thread got old faster than a kid with progeria.

The idea of a "script club" sound doable but how exactly will it differ from a "standard" review? Will there be certain rules on topics that has to be touched upon when reviewing the script or anything like that?

The only way I can see it being different is that there will be an increased influx of reviews on one certain script for that week, and people will then proceed to argue their opinions against someone else's.  

Pretty much like the "Rules" thread, but every week and always around a different piece of work.

A question was posed in the other thread about reading produced vs. unproduced work.  Unproduced is a necessity. The whole point of it is to help other writers.

I think it would be interesting to hear why some people would say why a script is filmable or not. Written like a Hollywood script or not. Style vs story and so on. A discussion rather than just a review.

Quoted from Shelton Unproduced is a necessity. The whole point of it is to help other writers.

Have you seen AvP:R? Shane Salerno needs all the help he can get

Quoted from Björn Borg I think it would be interesting to hear why some people would say why a script is filmable or not. Written like a Hollywood script or not. Style vs story and so on. A discussion rather than just a review.

I get what you're saying, Pia, but isn't there a danger of the discussion - very quickly -turning into the same back and forth banter that happened in the other thread? I mean, writing - and especially reviewing - is very very subjective. There is no right or wrong answer (to a certain extent), there are opinons and we either agree or we don't.

the first rule of "script club" NO ONE talks about "script club"

I think this is a cool idea.  I know a few authors that deserve some reads.  I just hope this is for features though, this place seems to be over run by shorts and they get enough reads as it is.

Quoted from The boy who could fly I just hope this is for features though

I second that.

I think features would be a good way to go for the text based discussions, while shorts would be better suited for the voice chat.

After all, with a small handful of people talking/arguing in real time about the merits of a scene or certain piece of dialogue, a simple sentence could end up being discussed for half an hour.

**** that means I have to write a feature if anything of mine should be discussed!

Quoted from Grandma Bear **** that means I have to write a feature if anything of mine should be discussed!

Quoted from Shelton I think features would be a good way to go for the text based discussions, while shorts would be better suited for the voice chat.

Quoted from The boy who could fly the first rule of "script club" NO ONE talks about "script club"

That is probably the funniest thing you have said in about six months, Jordan.  Good laugh off of that.

Yes, I am talking about features.  A discussion -- not so much a review -- about a feature from some deserving author.

Assigned one week, discussed over the next week or two, then locked until the next script is selected.  Provided it works at all and is worth repeating.

I would also suggest that the author not be allowed to participate in the discussion for the first week or so.  See where the discussion leads without them, you know?  The author will probably get more from the conversation if they do not interfere.

That last one is just a thought.  Chime in if you would participate, and if we get 7 "I'm in" votes (my completely arbitrary cut-off), those seven can debate which script they want to argue about.

I'll give the first yes.  Are there at least six more?

I was joking. Forgot to add a smiley.

I'll second your yes bert.  

I'm in.

Quoted from The boy who could fly the first rule of "script club" NO ONE talks about "script club"

I think we all know what the second rule would be.

Anyway, so am I to understand this would essentially be a subjective discussion of a script's story elements with less of an emphasis on actual screenwriting? What I've heard so far sounds good to me so count me in, I guess. I really think this would work better if it were limited strictly to features. A book club usually denotes some kind of effort on the part of its members so a script club should naturally be the same. It takes little effort to read shorts, unless you have no attention span whatsoever.

Also, how exactly would we go about choosing the scripts to be read?

My two cents.

I'm not sure if I could schedule a text feature a week but I'm definitely in on the voice short.

If you like, I'd be willing to set up a database that randomly picks the script to be read.  Let me know.

  

Oh, this would be once in a while, not weekly.

Quoted from James McClung So am I to understand this would essentially be a subjective discussion of a script's story elements with less of an emphasis on actual screenwriting?

Exactly.  Quite frankly, the only damn thing I got out of that "Breaking the Rules" thread is that there is room on this board for conversations not inolving politics or gas prices.

There are actually people here who it seems would like to engage in passionate debate about scriptwriting.  Who knew?

So, yeah -- it will be a thread to discuss a script the same way a group of friends would meet to discuss a book.  What works?  Who was a good character?  What direction should the plot have taken but didn't?

The first person to mention typos and "unfilmables" will be automatically ejected.

Quoted from James McClung Also, how exactly would we go about choosing the scripts to be read?

Those who intend to read could suggest a couple, and it would be consensus.  I already have a couple in mind.

"Quite frankly, the only d*rn thing I got out of that "Breaking the Rules" thread is that there is room on this board for conversations not inolving politics or gas prices."

Sorry for starting the election thread. It may not have anything to do with screenwriting, but it was a slow week and I thought this election was important and I was curious what people in other countries thought about it.

Regarding features vs long shorts. I probably agree, but take offense to it taking no effort to write a short. I'm also wondering how many will participate in this excersise if we have to read features only. I don't care, I read features all the time. I've read two in the last week...

Quoted from bert I would also suggest that the author not be allowed to participate in the discussion for the first week or so.  See where the discussion leads without them, you know?  The author will probably get more from the conversation if they do not interfere.

I don't know about that aspect.  The writer of the script being discussed will get 7, presumably in depth, critiques as well as the boatload of conversation that will pile up over the course of a week.  It could be hell to catch up with that.

Also, will the discussion take place on the actual thread for the script, or will there be a separate thread?  What if someone not in the "circle" decides to read the script?  Can the author respond to them in a timely fashion?

Just giving you guys some things to ponder.

It's not like those threads are a problem, Pia.  They're not.  Even though the "Rules" thread eventually spun off into weirdness, it was just refreshing to see that a script-based thread could rack up a nice post count.

And Mike, it would be a seperate thread, probably on the "Screenwriting Class" board.  Formal reviews could still go on the script thread.

This would just be a discussion (debate?) of how the actual story was crafted.  Or whatever the discussion evolves into, I suppose.  That is tough to predect.

I just thought if the author got involved, it would be easy to get hung up and obsess over trivial points.

And anybody who has read the script could participate.  I just did not want to bother unless there were at least a handful of people who would be willing to give it a try.  

I would agree with Bert that the writer should not take part in the discussion because frankly he or she would or could get defensive and take the thread off topic and in anger filled rant.

I also believe that each script genre and synopsis should be taken into the process because if someone is pre disposed to hating the genre and they read and hate the script before they even went in would be a poor opinion.

Same thing could be said about the author. If you dislike the author and just want to discredit his or her work to stroke your own ego you should not take part in reviewing.

Features seems like the best way to go. Short scripts are not suffering for reads on this site and features are. Series is also suffering terribly.

I like this idea a lot.  One possibility for scripts is that authors interested in having their work critiqued like this could submit their title and then every time one of these discussions is to take place, the title can be drawn at random out of a hat or something.

Just a thought.  But this is something I'd be interested in doing every once in a while.

I like the idea and would enjoy participating if I liked the genre and/or premise.

I'd be up for reviewing as long as it's text based as I don't have a mic.

It could be interesting sure, look forward to how this pans out!

I'm in.

I like the idea that the author can't be involved in the conversation for the first week or so.  Just like in creative writing class.  

Okay, lets do it then!

Bert, will you sort of be in charge of this?

What script do we start with? I was trying to think of an active member's scripts, but I'm not sure what to suggest. I know James has a couple of them I haven't read yet, Shelton has one too I think. Maybe MikeP? I don't think I've read anything by him yet... I guess I'll read whatever you guys chose.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Bert, will you sort of be in charge of this?

I don't think it will require much more than starting the thread, but sure.

I was also thinking of letting MikeP select the one that he most-wants looked at from his his own library.

Alternatively, Cindy has been struggling with "Halloween Games" since before I was even here, and not too many have looked at the newest draft.  She might appreciate the help.

For a third, I have always intended to read "Demon Beach", which Cornetto posted a long, long time ago but got few looks on.  That one looks like fun -- now that we know him a little better haha.

Any others to toss into the hat -- that is quite literally what I intend to do, I guess -- from those who actually intend to participate?


[edit:  I think Shelton and James, and a few others I probably do not need to mention, have a large enough fan base to take care of their own reads.]

I read Halloween Games not long ago and one of Cornetto's not that long ago either, but never a feature by MikeP. I guess I'll vote for one of his.

I'm a little swamped right now to say "I'm in" but this is a great idea and I hope it works out well.

I'll be keeping an eye on this.

Good luck, guys.

Quoted from bert [edit:  I think Shelton and James, and a few others I probably do not need to mention, have a large enough fan base to take care of their own reads.]

I agree.  The features I have on here aren't going to be worked on anytime soon and there are a ton of others that could benefit far more than I at the moment.

Quoted from bert I was also thinking of letting MikeP select the one that he most-wants looked at from his his own library.

Swell. Later this week I'm also teaching a class on opening mouth and inserting foot over at tha annex.
Let me troll through my house of horrors and see what I can inflict on you all.

:p

I'll happily join in. I promise to bite my tongue if I see any "unfilmmables" : )

One thing I would say though is that perhaps it would help if there was something of a focus to the discussion.

For instance, Cindys Halloween Games was mentioned as a possible candidate.

Having read and commented on an earleir version I know that she is not intending to create a horror or supernatural thriller as such but if one wasn't aware of that a lot of the discussion could centre around how to make it scarier or more thrilling etc

In other words the discussion could easily slide into territory that the author has no interest in pursuing so will be of little use.

Just feel like we need some kind of direction with it. Anybody else understand what I'm talking about?

I would like to see serious discussions about things like transitions, subplots, throughlines and things like that. Those are things I want to get better at understanding myself. I want every scene picked apart.

And decadence, I know what you mean. We should also make sure the author actually wants to see their script disected.

This sounds interesting. Can I join in?

Gabe

Of course you can Gabe!

This is for anyone wanting to discuss, learn and get better.  

This one went quickly, but for what it's worth, I would like to be in as well. I've had my moments of writing clever and insightful reviews. I haven't read any of the suggestions before so I could offer a fresh perspective on at least those. Even if we pick one I have read, I can go into anything fresh.

Are we going to do this or just talk about it?  I'm ready to go. Pick a script and lets get on with it.

(How was that for my tough guy imitation?)

I think this sounds really promising. Count me in.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films ...perhaps it would help if there was something of a focus to the discussion.

You may be right, but at the same time, it would be kind of an artificial direction.  I was kind of thinking the author should see what kind of thoughts arise organically from the participants.  If the author directs the flow of conversation, some really good ideas might never even arise.  Does that make sense?

And the author will choose to accept or deny whatever pieces of feedback they get anyway.

Anyways, we will just have to see how it goes.  These conversations sometimes take on a life their own and spin off in unpredictable ways -- as did the "rules" thread that spawned this idea in the first place.

-----------------------

Gabe, George, Sham, and whoever -- this is completely open.  My "seven member" cut-off was completely arbitrary.  As long as they have read the script, anyone and everyone is encouraged to participate.

This is just an experiment to see if we can turn the discussion back towards feature script once in a while.  At least a little.

----------------------

As for the script itself -- are there any other recommendations aside from MikeP?  Feel free to toss something into the hat if you actually intend to participate, as everybody should be happy with the choice.

I have dropped MikeP a note asking him to select one of his scripts, and if nobody else pipes up, then Mike it shall be.

I'm fine with it being MikeP's script.  But I think we should start a thread where authors, if they want this type of treatment on their script, can deposit the name of that script.  Then the next script can be picked randomly from that thread.  

Would be good if you pick a script before the weekend... well, it would be good for me at least.  

And again, unless I totally misunderstood the point of this. We're not writing reviews for the script. We can of course, but those should go in the script's thread not here. This here is supposed to be discussions about the script.

I'm out for the reasons that everybody knows like: I'm a bad English writer; I'm a bad reviewer because I'm a bad English writer, I'm not a feature writer, so won't to be a good reviewer of features. I'm a shortscriptwriter...

Quoted from mcornetto I think we should start a thread where authors, if they want this type of treatment on their script, can deposit the name of that script.

Let's see if this even works first.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Would be good if you pick a script before the weekend

I've got Mike's, and I'll put it out there this evening if there is no competition -- right now, it appears that most are in agreement.  Mike seems to know what he is doing -- so it probably won't suck -- and he also told me, "...this one breaks alot of rules.."

Haha...it sounds like a perfect fit for our little experiment.

Isn't the nature of a review a discussion about the script? It's true that some reviews can get bloated, so is there a recommendation on how we should discuss it? I think starting with a review of some kind would be useful in any case. We're in a text-based medium without time limits, so it's not as if we're taking up anyone's time.

EDIT: Are you depositing the script on a new thread then?

Quoted from George Willson Isn't the nature of a review a discussion about the script? It's true that some reviews can get bloated, so is there a recommendation on how we should discuss it? I think starting with a review of some kind would be useful in any case. We're in a text-based medium without time limits, so it's not as if we're taking up anyone's time. EDIT: Are you depositing the script on a new thread then?

This is not supposed to be a collection of reviews.  It is just readers talking about different aspects of the story or characters.

But we will just have to see how it evolves, you know?

And yes -- the discussion (NOT the script) will be getting it's own thread.  Probably on your Screenwriting board, George.

Quoted from bert This is not supposed to be a collection of reviews.  It is just readers talking about different aspects of the story or characters. But we will just have to see how it evolves, you know? And yes -- the discussion (NOT the script) will be getting it's own thread.  Probably on your Screenwriting board, George.

That'll work. Maybe we can learn a thing or two out of it, and even justify or debunk much of the other discussion that spawned this one. My later reviewing style has been more like a discussion of the script as opposed to ticking off page numbers. I'm sure we'll get the hang of it as we go along. Hopefully it will be useful to not only the author but teach a thing or two outside of just the script itself.

If we can stick to the academic aspects of the writing process while discussing the script and follow the "why's", I can see how we all might get something out of it.

I'd like to make a suggestion for a future discussion:

George Wilson's Fempiror Chronicles.

For several reasons...

1. It's a good, solid story structure and will be worthwhile debating.

2. George has spent so much energy on the series that it would be good to help to get the first, crucial, script as tight as is humanly possible.

3. I saw that George was complaining on the "Rules" thread about not getting through to agents and such and I thought it would be a good starting place to discuss the business aspects of scripts.

(I'm Rick aka Decadence Films btw, login in seems to have stopped working on that account)

Hey,

I think this is a fabulous idea! I always prefer that authors respond to reviews and there is a little back and forth. I think that's where the best insights come from. This is deffinitly a good way to facilitate that kind of discourse. Great idea, whoever came up with it.  

Given that I have the time, (I may or may not, don't know yet) I'm in.

Quoted from bert You may be right, but at the same time, it would be kind of an artificial direction.  I was kind of thinking the author should see what kind of thoughts arise organically from the participants.  If the author directs the flow of conversation, some really good ideas might never even arise.  Does that make sense?

I agree that the author should be excluded at the beginning, but after discussion dies down I would definitely like to see them respond.

Also, while I don't think the author should be doing it, I do think there should be some kind of "moderator" that can give the discussion some direction. To bring us back to interesting things that kind of get left behind or hidden in the clutter, or if people really go off topic, or end up in pointless/tedious debates... stuff like that. I don't think they should be dictating the topic or anything like that, I would prefer organic too, but I think some authority could be useful.

Quoted from bert This is just an experiment to see if we can turn the discussion back towards feature script once in a while.  At least a little.

I like to think there's room for both. Just my opinion... But I also see where you're coming from.


sheepwalker

OK, nobody else has piped up, so we will assume that Mike is a good choice and everybody is just waiting for somebody to say “go”.  So I will do that.

Quoted from ScarTissue George Wilson's Fempiror Chronicles

While this idea is primarily aimed at newer scripts, with few readers and/or comments, it may be equally instructive to include some of the dinosaurs around here that have lots of reads and have been fairly well polished by reader feedback.  And I am not just saying this because I have one of those, too haha.

But -- like I have said -- we will make plans for future script clubs based on the performance of this first one.

The inaugural thread can be found here:

http://www.simplyscripts.com/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1212793041/

It's been mentioned that we shouldn't be discussing "unfilmables".  Could somebody kindly clarify for me what is meant by that?

Thanks.

Quoted from escapist II It's been mentioned that we shouldn't be discussing "unfilmables".  Could somebody kindly clarify for me what is meant by that? Thanks.

That was kind of a sarcastic jab at the "Breaking the Rules" thread.

For example:

Quoted from The Clean Up Crew CHRIS CHAN (27), an Oriental with close-cropped hair and a“can-do” attitude. He’s a frustrated young man, a frustrated basketball player, and a frustrated clean-up guy

The first person to ask, "But how do we KNOW he is a frustrated basketball player?" will be slapped with mousepads.

That is the kind of minutia we are not interested in talking about.

Sounds like a good idea.


Phil

Quoted from bert Talk to Pia.  She's the boss this time.  I have not got the time to run one of these right now.

Okay,

the conversation regarding the next script will continue here until we have a new script chosen then there will be a new thread started on the screenwriting board.
I'm the boss you hear so pay attention or I'll get my bull whip out!!  

It seems that there might be enough people interested in this so lets give it another shot.  

I wouldn't mind doing dreamscale's script next, but I personally would like to give James new script a good discussion first.... if he goes along with it. I have to ask him first, but he probably wouldn't mind.

As with the first script, this isn't so much about giving a review, but more about the very specifics of plot, characterization, transitions, dialogue and so on.

I also would like to point out that anyone who participates will have a greater chance of seeing their own script discuss later on.  

Quoted from Grandma Bear I wouldn't mind doing dreamscale's script next, but I personally would like to give James new script a good discussion first.... if he goes along with it. I have to ask him first, but he probably wouldn't mind.

Since Dreamscale's script isn't up yet, I would suggest going with James', and then earmarking the next to Dreamscale.  That will help keep things rolling along, I think.

Okay, James has given us the go ahead.

Any reviews of his scripts can be posted in the script thread here. The Script Club discussion of the script should be here

Happy reading people and lets get serious about the craft of screenwriting.  

OK, which script are we doing?  Where do I find it?

Quoted from Dreamscale OK, which script are we doing?  Where do I find it?

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1216949762/

Thanks!  I just came across it in the Script Club.  I'm on it and will post my thoughts later today.

Whoa ponies.... That was close! I got the reins back before they lazily trotted off into that alfalfa field.

Okay Dreamscale... yours is up next. Submit it ASAP to Don and we'll get crackin'. The only bad part is that you can't participate...
What is the title and genre anyway?

How'd we get back to Script Club?  I think Script Club II thread is still open as of now.  You must have followed the link Bert just entered, huh?

Title is "Fade to White".  genre is horror, although it crosses into other genres as well.

How do I submit it and how do we get Script Club III going?

Bert?  Are you willing to lead the horses out of the alfalfa fields and back into the open range?

My time has been very unpredictable as of late -- I frequently find time that I expected to have free is ripped away this summer -- and it is starting to piss me off -- but that is neither here nor there I suppose.

I participate if I can, but no commitments from me at this time.

Do you really not know how to submit a script a by now?  The submit a script link is on the home page, and it is pretty intuitive.  Drop me a PM if you cannot figure it out.

The Home Page has been freezing-up my browser lately, btw.  Anybody else having that problem?

Sounds like Pia will be willing to head it up, and seeing as the script is not even posted, everybody should have some time to catch their breath.

I am certain a good synopsis would help drum up interest.  Post it here.  You have a logline yet?  If not, you better get cracking.

Just as a suggestion.  I think this script club might be more helpful to us as a group if we analyzed a produced script.  The unproduced scripts can always be read in their separate threads and comments can be given there interactively.

Michael

C'mon now Michael, you're the one who suggested I throw mine up here.  It took awhile for me to grow some balls and agree.

Lets' do mine and then we can discuss throwing up a produced script.

Cool?

Produced scripts are good to discuss too. In fact that's what they do at DD.

This place is more about reviewing and reading the scripts of peers, so I think member's unproduced scripts will work fine. I would not be opposed to discussing  produced ones every now and then though... maybe every fifth one?

I don't have a problem with it being horror. It's my favorite, pretty much...
Just read Mirrors last week and I really enjoyed it. Zipped through it like it was a really good short.

Quoted from bert The Home Page has been freezing-up my browser lately, btw.  Anybody else having that problem?

What browser are you using?

I just saw "Mirrors" and was far from impressed!  Unbelievable that they spend $35 Million on that thing.  It grossed like $11 Million opening weeknd.  They're not going to make up the budget.  Reviews and word of mouth are poor also.

I love Alexandre Aja, but this just wasn't good subject matter.  Didn't work on any level IMO.  There were some good scenes adn some well done stuff from Aja, but the story was so weak and completely unbelievable.  Characters were also weak.

I haven't had any problems at all as of late.  Everything working A OK here...

Quoted from Dreamscale I love Alexandre Aja, but this just wasn't good subject matter.  Didn't work on any level IMO.  There were some good scenes adn some well done stuff from Aja, but the story was so weak and completely unbelievable.  Characters were also weak.

That's why I rather read movies than watch them...
The scripts are usually loads better than the movie.

Yeah, I hear ya.  Just think how many great scripts have been butchered when they're brought to the big screen.  Usually, I'd say it's due to budget, but with a $35 Million budget, that obviously wasn't the problem here.

You know that Mirrors is a remake of an Asian film form 2003 or so?  It has alot of similarities to "The Ring", another remade Asian horror flick.  Just didn't work for me at all.  Kiefer's character wasn't too good either.  There was some good gore though, but they probably mesed up in going with an "R" rating.  usually, I wouldn't ever say that, but with this, there really wasn't much that drove the "R" rating, and they definitely would have increased the BO with a kid friendly "PG13" rating.

Quoted from Dreamscale C'mon now Michael, you're the one who suggested I throw mine up here.  It took awhile for me to grow some balls and agree. Lets' do mine and then we can discuss throwing up a produced script. Cool?

Jeff,

Wasn't trying to throw any water in your fire.  Just thought I would throw the suggestion out there.  It's good that you are finally going to post your script and I don't have a problem with the script club doing their thing with it.  

BTW "Mirrors" was a great read and it is actually why I made the suggestion.

      

Right on brother...I was just giving ya a little shite.

I think discussing a produced script now and again would be a great thing to do. There is a lot I think we can all learn from discussing a produced script and trying to dissect what makes it so worthy of being produced. Literally pull it apart and try and understand exactly how it is built. There are a lot of peoples here who's thoughts and opinions would be worth listening too in this regard. A produced script has the added advantage that not only would we have read the script but many of us would have seen the finished movie.

I would suggest however that scripts are chosen that were actually spec scripts and preferably first timers, after all that is what the vast majority of us here hope to produce when we write our next/first feature.

I don't actually see what would be wrong of doing something along those lines alongside an SS unproduced script the script club. There are things I could certainly learn from both. Hence why I am keen to get involved with the next script from Jeff.

OK everyone, I've sent my script into Don for posting.  I think I did everything properly.

Title - "Fade to White"

Genre - Horror

Tag line - Danny and Carlie are in for a lot more than just skiing, the weekend after Christmas, in Durango, Colorado.  The white of the falling snow won’t be the only color they’ll see.

Hope we can get alot of feedback here.  I've posted tons of reviews for alot of writers in here, and I'm asuming they'll be ready to jump on mine.

Not sure if Pia or Bert will be heading up the Script Club III discussion, but let's get the back and forth going.

Enjoy!

We will be ready to chew you a new "eye socket" as soon as your script has a thread of its own. then someone, me, bert or someone will start a script thread III thread.

...There's no turning back!  

Quoted from Dreamscale Hope we can get alot of feedback here.  I've posted tons of reviews for alot of writers in here, and I'm asuming they'll be ready to jump on mine.

This is definitely true. When that script goes up, let me know.

Thanks Pia...I'm already shakin' in my boots.  My eyes aren't that good, so go easy on them sockets...please.

Actually, I'm looking very forward to this.  I've been trying to shop this, but am having great difficulty getting anyone who matters to read it, much like George has said in the past.

I've spent a shiteload of time on this, and hope that it's error free..for the most part.  I've had a few reviewers tell me that there are instances of "it's" and its" being misplaced.  I've reread it several times and can't find where the Heck they are.  Those buggers are sneaky for sure!

If you see them, spray them for me with some bug zapper, and let me know the page they lurk on.  I'll get 'em, damnit!!!!!!!

Hope you enjoy and your feedback is so much appreciated.

You know it bud.  I hope you engage in the "Script Club III" discussion.  Any and all feedback is so much appreciated.

Hope you enjoy the ride...or read...

Quoted from Dreamscale Danny and Carlie are in for a lot more than just skiing, the weekend after Christmas, in Durango, Colorado.  The white of the falling snow won’t be the only color they’ll see.

Well, since you are so delightfully eager for the process to begin, maybe we should start by ripping a bit on this logline.

I get nothing from this.

I assume you mean a bit of red, yes.  Or perhaps the dreaded yellow snow?  Either way, I am not compelled here, D.S.

You do not have to give everything away, of course, but you have elected to give nothing away.  

In order to draw in the readers, you will need to drop a few hints about the mayhem to come, and the struggles they will face.

For all we know, they might be taking a side trip to shop for new linens.

I kid, of course.  A bit.

OK.  Let it begin.

Bert...I obvioulsy am giving nothing away.  I absolutely HATE loglines, sluglines, etc.  It's so hard for me to give a throwaway tag on a 2 hour movie.  I purposely didn't want to give anyhting away, as you will find that there are many elements of mystery involved in this script.  Just give the setting and main characters a shout out, and what willl come to play.

Sorry, but I really believe that this tagline is the weakest element of my script.  We'll obviously see if that's true.  Actually, I'm looking for help in the tag line and hopefully, you, along with the others can help.

I've tried for months to come up with a better synopis, but...this is the best I can throw out there for you.

Just give it a real chance, and I really belive you won't be complaining by the end.

Quoted from Dreamscale Tag line - Danny and Carlie are in for a lot more than just skiing, the weekend after Christmas, in Durango, Colorado.  The white of the falling snow won’t be the only color they’ll see.

Berts right.  This logline could be for either the horror script you've written or a bi-racial porno.

Hopefully there's a big difference between the two.

Heres some things you might want to include:

The age of the characters, the relationship of the characters, whether or not there is a killer, whether or not that killer is human.  Are the characters professional skiers, or novices just on vacation.

Also, you'll want to include what makes your script special as right now, all we have is two character names, a location, and that people (probably)  die.  I would much rather read a script with a log line that had two characters, a location, the fact that people die, and the fact that the people who die all die based on some strange equation the killer has.

That way I'm thinking "ooh!  Whats the equation?  How does the killer choose!?"

As opposed to "Oh, so this is just a slasher that happens at a ski resort."

Get what I'm trying to say?

Also, obviously we'll be able to help a lot more after we read the script.

Oh my...it really has begun, hasn't it?

First of all, this isn't in any way, a "slasher' script.  It's actually, as I hope you all will soon see, a very different, and unique take on the "tried and true" horror movie.

I've had many different sluglines over the last year, and I decided that it was best to give nothing away, and stay as generic as possible.  In a way, I really am happy with this "no detail" slug.  I understand completely why you guys are already attacking it, but you've just got to be cool...mellow out...and read on when it's up.

As I said earlier, this is by far the weakest element of my script (IMO).  It really is. The less you know up front, the better. Trust me.

OK?  C'mon guys, give me a frickin' break here!

Quoted from Dreamscale C'mon guys, give me a frickin' break here!

Sorry, but no.  And it is far too early to begin whining anyways.

If you want people to "tune in", you will have to do better than, "Just read it...take my word that it is really good."

With all the stuff around here?  Very seldom will I begin reading something without a compelling logline.

How do you select your reads...hm?

Quoted from Dreamscale First of all, this isn't in any way, a "slasher' script.

Oh, so you feel that is an important point?

So did I when I wrote "Farm".  My logline for that is by no means stellar, but check it out.  I give very few details, but when you read the logline, you (hopefully) say, "Oh.  Not a slasher."

It can be done.

Ghost story?  Monster?  Psycho killer?  Cannibals?  Snow pirates? Aliens?  Yeti?  Torture porn?  You gasp and say, "My story is NOT a torture porn?"  I say it sure sounds like it could be "Wolf Creek" on skis.

You gotta let us know what's up in the logline.

All -- and I mean all -- that I know here are two people go skiing and see some color other than white.  What does that even mean?

Your tagline can give hints about "seeing red" -- I am still only assuming it is red, btw -- but your logline is a one-sentence SYNOPSIS of the story.  You ain't got a synopsis by a long shot.

Now, I need to go on record as disagreeing a bit with Higgs.  Their age and if they ski professionally is not what I am talking about here, and would likely constitute more detail than a logline requires.

The essential elemets of your story need to be there so we can decide whether or not it is the type of story that appeals to us.    

Quoted from Dreamscale The less you know up front, the better. Trust me.

No.  I do not trust you.  I do not trust anybody.  I trust a killer logline, and that is what makes me open a file and read.  

I seem to recall one of your posts complaining how hard it was for you to get anyone to look at this script.  This, surely, is part of the problem.

I'll be up for this one. Been a bit busy as of late with moving house. All sorted now.

Oh, I see we have choice. Dreamscale, hmm. I see this is going to be interesting if it isn't already, elle Oh elle.

Loglines and titles are important. It's like the trailer for a script. More so than that the premise/genre is the promise to the audience.
If your stories is as good as you say, or in general if you have a good story/script, your job when it comes to the logline is to not blow it. And from what I can tell you've blown it. I can't wait to read the story, and other than if it's incoherent, theres should be a better logline lying around in there somewehere. My first task after reading will be to find it.


I realize i'm reaching for the best here but... title, tag, premise

Alien

In space no one can here you scream

A mining ship, investigating a suspected SOS, lands on a distant planet. The crew discovers some strange creatures and investigates.


Are you going to put it up? When?

Quoted from bert Now, I need to go on record as disagreeing a bit with Higgs.  Their age and if they ski professionally is not what I am talking about here, and would likely constitute more detail than a logline requires.

Whether or not they ski professionally is probably going to be to much info, but I think age is important.

Are they an elderly couple? Are they high school students?  Are they grade school students visiting grandparents?

Then again, the assumption being made is that they are a college age couple.  If this is close enough to the truth, then you don't need to add anything.  If they are 80, you probably should.

Same goes for professional skiing. We assume they aren't.  if they are, and that is a big part in the movie, you should tell us that.

Also, if it's a horror and you metion a couple and (probably) red snow, I assume slasher.  if it's not a slasher (which according to you it's not) you should find a way to let us know.

The discussion and link to the script can be found here

Sorry to let everyone down with my logline.  I've never heard so much discussion over a logline.  As I said before, it obviously needs help, but I don't feel it's that bad.

I guess I'll keep out of this stuff while the discussion starts up in Script Club III.  I will respond to any reviews on the main post however.

Hope you guys enjoy.

Since SC III seems to be winding down...

I think it's been going pretty good so far and the authors have got some really awesome feedback. I'm wondering if anyone would be up for another one? I would offer up my baby mummy piece, but we've had enough horror scripts for a while I think.  

I do have another suggestion though if you guys are up to it.

What do you think?  

We could go for the baby mummy, if you want.  That's a short though, isn't it?

Quoted from mcornetto We could go for the baby mummy, if you want.  That's a short though, isn't it?

...no.... it's 92 pages at the moment!!  

I have another suggestion though if we want to do this again. Something completely different!!