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Meredith presses the ink release on the pen and a large erupts from the tip. Cindy is engulfed in the ever increasing net.
Meredith sticks the end of the pen in the meat of a cantalope. It enters with a squish. Cindy, Parkster, and Alan flinch.
ALAN That's harsh.
MEREDITH Now...
Meredith points around them. Chairs appear. Bert, Wesley, Pepi, and George appear in them.
George is still holding the ghost containment box with Phil. Wesley is naked and dripping wet, attempting to hide his shame. Bert looks around confused, his hands frozen in a typing-at-the-keyboard position. Pepi has an enormous grin on his face and just looks around.
GEORGE Hey, um... I was about to make an important deposit...
George holds up the ghost box.
MEREDITH That's the trouble with writers. They always think what they're doing is more important than anyone else.
WESLEY Mind if I get dressed? This is kind of stupid, and yes, what I was doing was more important.
BERT I have a lot to finish, and don't really have time for this either.
PEPI Is wanting the this place to be in the screen. Not is it belonging in the world me kity and me live out of.
Meredith waves her hands. Parkster and Alan also fall into chairs. George, Wesley, Pepi, and Bert all whip back into their chairs, trapped.
The red brick wall behind ALAN shudders as it’s hit with a heavy thud. Specks of concrete from the wall become loose.
Alan turns to the wall.
Another heavy thud hits the wall and Alan begins to back away. The concrete and bricks from the wall begin to crack.
Everyone around the room stares at the wall awaiting the next thud.
The wall explodes, sending airborne bricks flying in all directions. GEORGE cops one in the head and falls to the ground.
Dust in the room clears and STEVEN SEAGAL walks through the new opening in the house. He wears a black DOJO, but not as black as his greased straight hair.
Alan stands meters away in awe to the current events.
STEVEN What are you staring at?
Alan opens his mouth to say something but comes up empty and just continues to stare.
This angers Steven Seagal, so he walks up to Alan and in one quick movement he breaks Alan’s neck.
PEPE What f*** the?
STEVEN Look out for my next movie, Underseige 3, It’s on a tugboat.
DOOR KNOB
The doorknob turns and the clicking of the mechanism within the door lock sounds.
The door slowly opens, a hand with countless streams of pulsing veins opens it. The hand lets go of the metal doorknob to reveal the hands indents.
The deep sound of grunts and breathing of APE puts the rooms crowd in a fearing stance.
The hairy elongated arms of Ape are as solid as tree trunks. His hair bottom lip sticks out just as much at his nomad like brow.
Ape grunts at Steven.
Steven squints at Ape.
STEVEN Your dead.
Steven advances towards Ape.
Shorts: I Named Him Thor Footloose, Cut Loose Tainted Milk Marshmallows Confucius & The Quest For Nessie Wondrous Presentation
Through a two-way mirror in the gallery above, BREANNE, an EXTREMELY beautiful scientist (Hey, I can dream!), sits in the forefront of a group of BREANNITES and peers down at the melee. She drinks coca cola from a wine goblet and scoffs at the scene.
BREANNE As is plainly demonstrated, my plan is working brilliantly. I have tricked the fools into turning on each other and soon they will destroy themselves from the inside to the out.
One servile flatterer, KEVAN, adjusts his glasses in profound thought.
KEVAN Yes, my Queen. They could no more closely follow your plan than if you were controlling them as puppets. But what happens after we’ve destroyed the simply scripters?
A wicked glare sweeps across Breanne’s otherwise strikingly beautiful face (Hey, if you’re gonna dream, you may as well dream big!).
BREANNE Then we will topple the administration itself.
A collective GASP resounds from the gallery.
KEVAN You don’t mean?….
BREANNE That’s right. We will bring down…The Holy Boose.
[Cue OMINOUS MUSIC - dun dun dunnnnn!]
Breanne strides from the room, nearly tripping and spilling her coke. She grumbles profanities as she exits.
After she’s gone, Kevan smirks.
KEVAN And as soon as you take over, I’ll take over…
INT. BOARD ROOM, JUPITER ANIMATED PRODUCTIONS, NEW YORK CITY - AFTERNOON
The C.E.O. of J.A.P. -- BRIAN NOLASTNAME -- sits at the head of this table.
His executives, ANTON LACE, DARLA TWINS, CAP FLORENTINE, and CHERYL HENDRIX, sit around the table.
BRIAN I sent Alan to give them the doughnuts.
ALL enters.
ANTON Was Alan that guy ... ?
BRIAN Yes.
ANTON Oh.
CAP But what if they don't all eat their doughnuts?
BRIAN Then they won't all get their just desserts.
ALL MWah hahahahahaha! Mwah hahahqahah!
BRIAN Thank you ALL. You may leave now.
ALL exits.
CHERYL You're an insane headcase, Brian.
BRIAN Thanks. Now -- as well all know -- the doughnuts are filled with ... well, we know what the doughnuts are filled with. Let's just hope that they all eat their ... just desserts.
George turns his head, looking off to an impossible distance. He disappears. Wes and Bert turn their heads from th Ape/Seagal blundering to George's now empty chair.
WES So, um, how's he do that?
BERT I don't know. But this scene sucks.
PEPI I am the scene is liking of mine.
BERT Shut up.
INT. BOARD ROOM, JUPITER ANIMATED PRODUCTIONS, NEW YORK CITY - AFTERNOON
George appears.
The C.E.O. of J.A.P. -- BRIAN NOLASTNAME -- along with his executives, ANTON LACE, DARLA TWINS, CAP FLORENTINE, and CHERYL HENDRIX, turn to stare at the newcomer.
INT. SIMPLYSCRIPTS DISCUSSION BOARD
Bert looks up as if he has heard something.
BERT Stare at the what?
INT. BOARD ROOM, JUPITER ANIMATED PRODUCTIONS, NEW YORK CITY - AFTERNOON
Brian stands and walks to George.
BRIAN Who are you and what are you doing in this fantasy?
GEORGE Whatever I want to. You see, there are no rules, and this random scene feels like a shameless plug. And I don't deal kindly with shameless plugs. It must be stopped.
BRIAN You and what army?
A man in a long dark coat and gauntlets on his wrists and ankles steps into the room followed by a little girl with smouldering brown eyes.
BRIAN Shameless plug?
GEORGE I wasn't selfish with it.
Cheryl screams. A pencil is jammes through her hand into the table. Anton screas. The same thing has happened. The little girl, ANGEL, giggles.
BRIAN Get them!
The dark coated man, DAVID, draws a long, katana style sword and readies himself. Brian laughs. He draws a pistol and aims it at David.
GEORGE Don't do it.
Brian fires a series of shots. David moves his sword at a blinding speed, blocking each bullet.
Darla takes on Angel. Angel draws two more sharpened pencils and holds them before her. Darla makes several swings at Angel, but she misses each time. Angel rams one pencil through the bottom of Darla's chin and into her brain, killing her.
Cap rushes George, who just stands there. He makes a mighty swing sure to do poor Mr. Willson in.
Brian, dumbfounded by David's speed, staggers back. David breaks his pose and makes a single swing, slicing off one of Brian's arms.
Cap's punch hits George's flesh...and passes right through. Cap loses his balance and crashes to the ground. He looks at George, dumbfounded. George scoffs.
GEORGE I'm the writer. Like I'm going to let myself get beat up.
With that, David's sword comes down and de"cap"itates cap. Brian, Cheryl, and Anton huddle in a corner, nursing their injuries. George, David, and Angel walks up them. They cower.