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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Ezekiel Spelling Moderators: bert
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  Author    Ezekiel Spelling  (currently 5550 views)
Electric Dreamer
Posted: January 24th, 2011, 4:47am Report to Moderator
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Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

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JP,

I finished the new draft tonight, pages 70 -101.
Overall, it feels more plot driven than character oriented.
I don't have much to say because I felt most of the scenes could go only one way.
I never felt Zeke make any decisions to change how things go.
This comes back to the note I gave before about the concept of dilemma.
I don't feel any conflict in the third act that Zeke must make a choice.
He never has to chose between a career or relationships.
Circumstances seem to dictate which way he will go.
When free will is off the table, it tends to make for a stiff read.
But this is a new draft and rewriting is always good.
There's some new material I've commented on previously that I like.
I think Drew is less annoying in this draft, he's going in the right direction.
I think the big question now is, "What is Zeke's dilemma?"

Thanks for posting! Keep writing and rewriting!

Regards,
E.D.


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jap313
Posted: January 25th, 2011, 10:09pm Report to Moderator
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E.D.,

I'm certain i'm going to change up the plot.  I think this draft focused the story more, but what i'm getting from you and others, i think i focused it on the wrong thing.  I have some ideas about where I'm going to take it.

As always, thanks for the feedback

JP
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