This script didn't work for me at all.  It wasn't dark; it was just gross.  Rick was right about the formatting; it was good.  Unfortunately, it ran too long; you probably could cut this in half.  Tell us more about the bug, in a scary fashion, and less about the painful shit.


Phil

Ah, it's a joke. I get it. Haha. Ha...hm...

Ironically, I was on my lunch break when I read this. Ok, so it starts a bit gross, and then gets really interesting to read, but boring as hell for a movie, even with visual aids. I mean, this thing took a ton of explanation to justify the existence of your ass spider. The whole story occurs in talking heads in a doctor's office.

So, it's am amusing gag, but not very good for a short. To quote Toby Keith, you need "a little less talk and a lot more action."

Really all I have to say on it.

I didn't like the beginning because it's too yucky for my taste to be filmed. And I didn't like the ending because there is no resolution whatsoever.

Having said that, the middle is intriguing to me, albeit just talking heads. I wish there is something more about the insect. I knew the doctor had talked a lot about it, but he seems to be repeating the same thing with different phrasing. How about the effects on our body? You mentioned laying eggs inside us, I wanna know more about that!

The doctor's becoming so emotional is a sudden change. He was so calm and being such a know-it-all that it's unbelievable for the change. And I doubt he will do that in front of a patient.

The ending is lackluster. I hope you can spice it up more because I still couldn't feel the impending danger of the spider took-over.

Overall, not sure if you've met the challenge because it's not dark in anyway, and it's more a drama than sci-fi. But for a OWC, I think you did a good job already.

I dont' think that the flow is quite there. It's original and could be very believable if it read smooth. But the reveal that designed to misdirect the reader is sudden for me, then the dr confess is rather sudden and the end is sudden too.
It's original and a good idea, I think. If only it didn't go from thought to thought so fast...

Well, you've got some cutesy, funny characterizations and situations. Ha-ha.

But it's way too talky. Not enough action. And there's no resolution to the a** spider phenomenon.

The only dark in this was at the beginning. Oh, well.

Okay, who installed the camera in my bathroom?

Seriously though, I rode someone else pretty hard for doing a comedy for the OWC - so I guess I have to chide this writer as well... (0:

The differences are that (i) this script didn't poke fun at the challenge with all the product placements, (ii) it tried, in its own disgusting and absurd way, to tell a story, and (iii) it was geniunely funny (oh wait, I forgot, that's a bad thing here).

And the latin name of this butt spider begins with "cruor" - as in Dr. Cruor? I smell multiple submissions!

Quoted from ajr And the latin name of this butt spider begins with "cruor" - as in Dr. Cruor? I smell multiple submissions!

I noticed that too. Cruor means blood btw...

Less ass, more spider.

Talking heads. Zag is calm for just having been told he gave birth to an prehisotric parasite. Dr. C. was too calm for someone who was going to off himself. Starbucks, really?

"and other wheat products" might have been better as "high fiber products and lots of laxatives"

I liked this one cause its the most basic of human fears: Is there something down there...? Snakes or ass spiders

This tale of the ass spider will be heard at campfires around the world.



Gary

Hi,

I've been eager to respond to this all week because some thought it was a joke piece, which it absolutely was not intended to be.

This was written with the target audience of Moviestorm in mind, who, as Don said on the very first post of the OWC, consists of a lot of gamers.  

I thought, hey, a bug that's inside of us and it starts coming out in our stool?  Might have something entertaining there.  Gamers might like that, who knows?  But a prank?  Nah.  I wanted to go for something that would differentiate it from the other 30.  When there's 31 scripts, it's easy for stories to be forgotten.  A story about bugs coming out asses?  Might be remembered even if it wasn't everyone's cup of tea.

Did this push the theme?  Maybe.  The dark tone is there.  If people dying because of bugs coming out your ass isn't dark then I don't know what is.  I guess the main issue is that it's got a little too much humor in the dialogue. Should it have been as comical?  Probably went a little over with it to the point where it lightened up the darkness.  I'm a funny guy, what can I say?

Still, I like this idea and am thinking of expanding it to a 25-30 page short with more spider action and less talk.  Borrowing a page out of Jordan's book, it'll be called 'The Ass Spider - Laxative Edition'.

Greg

This was was different, as to be expected by the title. I really enjoyed it until the last few pages, I bordered on hating the ending.

Like another reviewer, I was expecting the Doctor to bend over the desk and beg Zag for his help to "pave the way" for the spider. Or the spider laid eggs and Zag hears his stomach rumble and he realises he has to go through it all again. The Starbucks thing didn't work for me.

The Doctor felt like he was right out of a comedy movie. His character would be better if played straight and it would be much funnier in the end when he reveals his problem.

Solid effort. Interesting entry for sure. Good work!

Brian

It sounded funny, started off humorous but it didn't work for me in the end.  The endless dialogue from the doctor should be cut down.  Also, the ending's not really and ending as such since Zac already has faced his fate so shouldn't really care.  Then again, if there were eggs, then maybe focus on that would of been good.

I wouldn't say that this ass spider was part of humans, as that's a little unbelievable.  It's fine for me to have this left as a mystery not to be solved.  Just focus on gettin' rid of the damn things is the number one priority.

Not a bad idea overall.

Sorry, dude. Didn't care for this one. The idea looks like shit (no pun intended) on paper but then Stephen King made it work (by that, I mean Dreamcatcher was a good novel, the movie was a complete ass spider). The problem here was the dialogue was too overtly comical. I can see the dark humor, sure, but once skid marks enter into the conversation, you sorta lose it. I also didn't buy the idea that these creatures have gestated in humans since the beginning of the species. I mean with all the advances in modern sciences and such, they couldn't detect a giant ass spider... what?! Your intentions seem good enough. I appreciate that you're not trying to play a trick on the reader but nevertheless, I don't think it works.

Quoted from James McClung Your intentions seem good enough.

That's where you're wrong, dude...that's where you're very wrong...

Nah, just kidding.

Big thanks to everyone who read this.  I like this little arachnid and have started over with a new more "appropriate" short.  The reviews were interestingly mixed, but that's what I expected for going a little out there with this one for the challenge, plus it's the first "WTF" kind of thing I've ever made public.  Pretty fun!

Thanks again.

Greg

I think you should watch Rectuma and then rewrite it.

http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi1884488217/

Done.

It will be part of a trilogy; Ass Spider, Ass Frog, and Ass Rhino.

...oh man, what have I gotten myself into?  

But really, it's astounding that they managed to make that into a feature length film.  If a film can be made about an ass taking over entire cities, then anything is possible!