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I'm going to put SPOILERS here even though I normally haven't and maybe I should have.
Ok, I want to write about my favorite and a little bit why:
BEAN SIDHE
This has some fine actor bait:
NADINE, late 40s, thin, vacant eyes, sets the table.
Right from the get-go we meet Nadine going about her routine, a day in the life, but we know something is wrong.
Cue off-beat music as a mood invoker.
And when she drops that casserole…
It’s rough going for her, but…
CHRIS Just browsing. Want to see what’s on. I’ll stop - the football is about to start.
CHRIS Awfully hot today, isn’t it?
His dialogue rings with the strange indifference of a man who doesn’t want to get in the path of an upset woman. We don’t know who to feel more sympathetic towards. Chris? Or Nadine?
But then:
CHRIS Guess it’s bread and butter day again, huh?
CHRIS A couple of eggs with a toast maybe? Come on Nadine, how long do I have, huh? Couple months?
And we’re thinking he sounds just a tad insensitive. But what? How long do I have? He says.
*Intrigue.
The tone of the piece becomes creepily insane with Nadine’s giggling. We don’t really know if she’s possessed by this wailing Sidhe. Perhaps.
As the story progresses, I think Nadine is possessed by the wailing Bean. Chris is painted as some kind of evil person locking up his daughter for a kidney, but I think he was possessed, too.
In the end, Christina is taken away by Bean. But let's reverse:
Pay attention, people: as Nadine grabs the rifle: (The bolds are mine).
CHRIS What are you talking about... What are you doing?
NADINE You want her kidney, don’t you?
Christina scrambles up. There’s nothing wrong with her. She stands behind Nadine Nothing wrong with her? Ka-nicked by a tractor was she?
CHRISTINA He almost ran me over with his tractor. Then decided to save me. ...for the kidney.
***Did he now? Are you lying Christina?
CHRIS Christina was my daughter, too
Nadine. I loved her as much as you did.
Nadine emits an evil laugh. Her eyes glow crazed.
NADINE (artistically) Perhaps you loved her a bit more. Bit more than daddy can love?
CHRIS Put the rifle down, Nadine. What are you talking about?
She turns to Christina. Christina averts her eyes. Nods.
**And why does Christina avert her mother's eyes? Guilt?
CHRISTINA That’s why he had to get rid of me. It’s alright. I’m over it, Mommy.
***Why? Because Christina is the manifestation not only of his daughter, but of his guilty conscience for the "deeds they did together". And she’s over it. Why? Because she knows she’s guilty, too. Bebs maybe loved Daddy a bit more than she should’ve?
Nadine turns back toward Chris. Her chin hardens, lips tighten. The hand gripping the rifle doesn’t shake anymore.
***Excellent description. Tight. Not overwritten. Just enough for the actor to get it.
NADINE Well, I’m not over it. Not yet.
She shoots Chris in the heart. Chris falls down with a jolt. Blood trickles out of the fresh wound.
Nadine shoots again. And again, one futile shot after another. Until Bean and Christina crumble into nothingness.
Then, a clever flashback without FLASHBACK even written! Using an Over Credits as an indication of the switch:
SIRENS WAIL. Low drone HUM, someone talks into a mic:
MALE VOICE 1(V.O.) You asked around about her?
MALE VOICE 2 (V.O.) She flipped after what happened to her daughter. She didn’t think it was an accident. ...kept talking about some Bean Shmidt whatever, wailing for a soul...
Flickering of stilled cameras. White noise.
MALE VOICE 1 (V.O.) What do people say - was it an accident?
MALE VOICE 2 (V.O.) Oh yeah. He mourned her no less than Nadine. ...his cancer got worse. Poor lad.
***With this ending, we're left to think that perhaps Christina was killed by that tractor after all. That yes, Chris had to get rid of her because of their relationship that he couldn't reconcile in his own mind. And... that yes... Perhaps Bean Sidhe was behind it all... Possessing them...
I seriously am glad to be able to come and re-read this again. To study it. Discover the things that I felt in the beginning, but needed to go back and find the hard evidence for-- because after all, "I got this feeling about it", doesn't really cut it with a lot of people.
Anyways, I'm so glad I did feel it. My vote for your script has intensified and tomorrow, I'll write up some more on the other two scripts I thought were really well done.
While the story did not blow me away, though good, I would like to think that the person capable of that high a quality of writing will be finding regular work soon in this field. Truly talented writer, whoever it is. Could be writing novels or Screen, I think.
Captive
Same as above. Different style, a little more straightforward. In fact, these two writers working together might create something interesting, really come up with a variety of voices.
White Women
Writing style a little more edgy and daring, a risk taker. If the other two writers are smooth and efficient, craftsmen, this ones swings a blade instead of a pen, warrior.
Godstick
If the others were craftsmen and a warrior, this one is an artist painting with a vivid brush. Ireland was the perfect setting for his colorful strokes.
The Flesh Wont be Missed
Was born to write horror, bloody, gruesome horror, the kind that is not about a battle between good and evil, but just about evil. Like the dark horror from the 70s, when you just knew it was gonna end badly, and you wanted to look away but couldn't.
Reliquary
Probably a new up and comer. Someone grappling with deep concepts, murky depths.
Bean Sidhe
Lively characters and detailed scenes are this writer's talent, but above all inventive plot.
Devil's Erudition
A sick bastard! Should be plenty of good stuff to come.
Ok, thanks for letting me play. Gonna be more quiet til the next OWC, I promise! But PM if anyone needs anything.
While the story did not blow me away, though good, I would like to think that the person capable of that high a quality of writing will be finding regular work soon in this field. Truly talented writer, whoever it is. Could be writing novels or Screen, I think.
Captive
Same as above. Different style, a little more straightforward. In fact, these two writers working together might create something interesting, really come up with a variety of voices.
White Women
Writing style a little more edgy and daring, a risk taker. If the other two writers are smooth and efficient, craftsmen, this ones swings a blade instead of a pen, warrior.
Godstick
If the others were craftsmen and a warrior, this one is an artist painting with a vivid brush. Ireland was the perfect setting for his colorful strokes.
The Flesh Wont be Missed
Was born to write horror, bloody, gruesome horror, the kind that is not about a battle between good and evil, but just about evil. Like the dark horror from the 70s, when you just knew it was gonna end badly, and you wanted to look away but couldn't.
Reliquary
Probably a new up and comer. Someone grappling with deep concepts, murky depths.
Bean Sidhe
Lively characters and detailed scenes are this writer's talent, but above all inventive plot.
Devil's Erudition
A sick bastard! Should be plenty of good stuff to come.
Ok, thanks for letting me play. Gonna be more quiet til the next OWC, I promise! But PM if anyone needs anything.
You got that all wrong 'Be Jaysus is the answer' exasperated sigh, Ray, I'm like a mother and a father to you . . . LOL
Funny. We can confuse the others with both titles now!
I'm hoping for "Epic Short".
On a related note, I'd love to write a story about the people on the island after Jesus sends Legion into their pigs that run off and drown in the sea, then Jesus hops in the boat and leaves. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%205:1-17&version=NIV I imagine the economic impact afterwards was rather significant and there were some likely harsh words said.
Mechanics - I'm a cheap bastard and use Celtx. That isn't Celtx. Format - FADE IN: goes left justified. Style - I use commas to delineate ages rather than parenthesis which break up the flow for my reads. Story wise - I don't think a bean sidhe would converse quite so much. Although, Mickey's ravings do sound a bit much like what I'd write.
But I do love "Frame Of The Open Door". It's my favorite entry even if it's not much horror. I keep thinking it's like... Mary Poppins and Nanny McFee rolled together in a Mary Cassatt painting .
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